υ ℓ т я α ν ι σ ℓ є т//__________heading for the sun

Finally, a Personal Journal Again

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 00:39:33 GMT

I made a new personal journal (as a lot of you might know I haven't had one for awhile), and I'd love to add anyone who wants to be friends!

→babypon
→babypon
→babypon

=)

It Dreams 8/?

Wed, 27 May 2009 14:45:59 GMT

Title: It Dreams
Author: Caitlin
Pairing(s): ShouxHiroto, ShouxSaga, ToraxSaga
Rating: NC-17
Chapter: 8/?
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
Summary: Forbidden love of the innocent-high-school-kidxdrug-dealing-prostitute variety. And other things.
A/N: Damn, I'm really a massive failure, huh?
I'm so sorry you guys, I hope you're still interesting in this story...
Truth is, I'm really not at the top of my game with like...anything lately.
Not that that's an excuse (>.<)
I'm so sorry, but I hope there's still some love out there! ♥

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7

Chapter Eight
"A Dirty Mind"

Tora collapsed on his bed, overwhelmed and exhausted. Glancing at his alarm clock, he was shocked to see that it was already nearly 2 AM. He felt so tired, from such a long day, and all he wanted to do was pass out and sleep for the next five days…

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t get his head out of the clouds. He didn’t know what was coming over him, but he felt like some kind of ditzy school girl who’d just had her first kiss. And he knew why, despite how much it confused and disgusted him.

It was because of Saga.

“Oh, shit…” Tora sighed into the dark, empty bedroom. He’d never been “attracted” to another man…never even given so many thoughts to another man. But there was something about Saga that was driving him insane. Something that was making his heart pound and his palms sweaty and his—

“Damn!” Tora cursed quietly. He hadn’t noticed until just then; he was getting hard. “This is not happening, please God tell me this isn’t happening…”

But it was pointless. He could only feel himself becoming more and more excited, and he knew himself well enough to know that if he didn’t take care of it, not only would he be unable to fall asleep but he’d feel like hell tomorrow morning.

He felt so sick as he reached down to unbutton and unzip his pants. He wanted to smash his head against the wall for allowing himself to become so aroused by another man.

Maybe I’m just over-sexed…maybe I’m so incredibly horny and virginal that anyone can get me going, even another guy. That makes sense…right?

He didn’t know the answer. He didn’t know anymore, if he wanted girls or boys or both. He didn’t know one of the most elementary parts of his identity. It was making him insane to wonder if he could really, truly have an attraction to Saga. But what was making him even crazier was wondering how Saga felt.

He grabbed my hand…he grabbed my hand and didn’t let go...

“Ah,” Tora breathed as he grabbed his hard-on, pulling it free of the front of his pants and boxers. His whole body felt stimulated; from the exhausting day, from the mixed emotions that Saga had given him that night, from the secret glances and smiles they’d shared…

“Saga,” he whispered. “Saga…” He took a deep breath and began pumping his cock up and down, like he had so many times before. However, this time it truly felt different. Not because the person he was thinking of was a different gender, but because for the first time, the person in his head was someone who truly made his heart race.

He licked his left hand, which had previously been free, and reached it down to help out the right one. “Oh, God…” He sighed as he felt his cock jump and throb in his hands, simply from the added friction. And though he always did this – physically, he was masturbating the same way he always did – everything just felt so much stronger. The drive behind the desire had an actual reason, had an identity…had a face.

And that face was absolutely glued to his mind’s eye as he shut his eyes tight and threw his head back. All the anxiety and worry about getting off to another man was gone now, as he got more and more worked up and closer and closer, he could see Saga more and more clearly than ever. Just imagining the beautiful boy writhing beneath him was automatically better than any girl he’d ever thought of.

“Oh…oh yeah babe…do you like that?” He licked his lips as he whispered to the imaginary Saga. He took a moment to pause and squeeze his weeping, throbbing cock hard and nearly yelled out, just picturing Saga tightening himself around him…

He was nearly there. In his mind, he was thrusting in and out and he couldn’t stop for anything, he needed to reach it and he needed to make Saga feel him. He wanted Saga to know that he could perform just as well – if not better – than that grimy whore, Shou. He wanted to prove to Saga that he could really leave him breathless and destroyed…in the best way possible.

His breath hitched in his throat, and he was there. His heart was beating hard, carrying his red-hot blood throughout the veins all over his body, as the moment his beautiful release shot out of him. He bit his lip to stifle his sound of pleasure, but still made a “Ngh” sound, and then, so quietly, whispered “…Saga…”

Coming down, he took a moment to catch his breath and get his mind back to normal. He’d caught his seed in his hand and wiped it off with a tissue, but he was still covered in his own sweat.

He didn’t care though. His eyes fluttered shut as his breath slowed gradually, and he imagined lying next to Saga after it all. He wanted to hold him, even after all of it…

So I don’t just wanna fuck him, I actually want to be with him…

That tiny voice of protest came up again, telling him to resist it, and that he wasn’t gay, but he decided to just shoo it away. He was tired; tired of telling himself what he was and/or wasn’t all day. Tired of resisting what he didn’t want to resist. Just…so damn tired.

The truth isn’t going anywhere, so why am I wasting my time running from it?

Once his breathing was back to normal, he let out a small sigh, and whispered, “I’m gay.”

**

A shiver woke Hiroto up. He didn’t like sleeping too cold or too hot, and found it nearly impossible to do so. And though he also disliked getting woken up randomly in the middle of the night, this time, he was thankful for it.

“Shit,” he whispered, as he noticed that it was nearly 4 AM…and Shou was still there, next to him, in his bed…completely naked.

Shou was turned towards him, covered halfway by a sheet, the moonlight draping itself across the rest of him. His breathing was light, and he looked content. Hiroto almost didn’t want to wake him, but he knew that getting him out of there once his parents woke up in a few hours would be much, much more difficult. So now was the time.

Hiroto sat up and reached down to Shou’s shoulder, shaking him gently. “Shou,” he whispered. “Wake up.”

Shou turned over onto his back, stretched, yawned, and opened his eyes the tiniest bit. “What’s wrong baby?” He asked sleepily.

Hiroto’s heart melted at his cute sentiment. But he had to get him out of here, cute sentiments and all. “You gotta get out of here, my parents will wake up in a few hours…”

Suddenly awoken, Shou sat up quickly and glanced at Hiroto’s alarm clock next to his bed. “Oh damn!” He exclaimed. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep, just take a little post-sex snooze. But he’d had such a hard week, and he’d a lot to drink earlier and then all the crying and the love making really just…wore him down.

Hiroto stumbled out of bed and hurriedly dressed himself hastily in a pair of boxers and an old, oversized sleep shirt. “Come on, get dressed!” He hissed at Shou as he struggled to pull the enormous shirt on without getting lost in it.

Following Hiroto’s lead, Shou rushed out of bed too, nearly tripping as he became tangled in the bed sheets. “Shit!” He cursed under his breath as he felt threw the darkness around Hiroto’s dirty room for his clothes. He grimaced when he found his shirt and pulled it over his head though – it wreaked of alcohol.

I need to do a wash…someday.

When both boys were fully dressed, Hiroto grabbed Shou’s hand as he slowly opened his bedroom door. Holding on tight, they crossed the small, dark apartment together, just as they had a few hours ago. Shou panicked a bit when the front door creaked, but breathed a sigh of relief when the door was shut safely behind them and they could safely make their way down the stairs.

The 4 AM air was chilling, and all the hairs on Hiroto’s body stood up instantly as he felt the cold bite, standing out on the lawn next to the apartment complex by the street…where Shou had stood earlier, screaming for forgiveness.

If I hadn’t let him in…I may have never known the truth behind this man I love.

Hiroto was swiftly caught by surprise when he felt arms wrap around him from behind. But after the initial shock, a smile spread across his face as he melted backwards into Shou.

Nuzzling him sweetly, Shou whispered, “I want to take you with me.”

Hiroto giggled a little. “Where?”

“Everywhere.”

Oh, how he would have loved that. To be positively mended to Shou’s side, to see everything he sees, to experience everything he does…he would have traded his soul for just a day like that.

“Baby, please tell me someday—”

“Someday, absolutely,” Shou reassured. For now, they had to part, but of course it wouldn’t be for long, Shou knew.

To assure him even more, Shou kissed Hiroto’s neck slowly. He could feel his body shivering, though not from cold anymore, but from the touch. Shou stopped kissing and turned him around, so they were facing each other, eye-to-eye. “I want you to believe me.”

Hiroto’s eyes were becoming blurry, but he had no problem responding right from his heart. “I believe you.” It didn’t even take him a second to know that he truly did.

Shou smiled a very small smile in response. “I’m happy you—”

“But, I need something else,” Hiroto interrupted.

Shou stopped, a bit worried. “What? Anything.”

Hiroto paused. He knew this was something that Shou hadn’t wanted to share with him yet, but he knew that tonight had changed everything. And he knew that he now had a right to this. Boldly, he looked into Shou’s eyes, just as a single tear dripped down his face, and said, “Please let me have your number.” The instant he said it, he could see a look of worry cross Shou’s face, so he added hastily, “I know you only like to save it for business reasons and stuff but…Shou, I love you and you love me and…” He wasn’t sure how to say what he wanted to say next.

But he didn’t have to. “It’s serious, isn’t it?” Shou asked. “Is that how you feel, Hiroto?”

Hiroto nodded. “Yes, I feel very serious about you and I want you to feel the same about me but I still feel like I barely know you because I don’t even have your phone number and—”

“Stop!” Shou interjected, laughing a bit. He reached forward and hugged Hiroto hard. “You don’t have to worry about how I feel about you. I’m very in love with you.” He pulled away and his heart crumbled a bit as he saw the tears in Hiroto’s eyes. Wiping them away, he whispered, “And yes, you can have my number. So that way, we can always talk, and always meet up, and always tell each other that we love each other.”

Through the tears, Hiroto smiled shyly. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, because in retrospect I should have let you have it earlier.” Reaching into his back pocket, he pulled out his phone. But the instant he did, he knew it was meaningless. “Oh, yeah…” He stared at it for a moment before slowly putting it back in his pocket.

Hiroto was confused. “What’s wrong?” He asked.

Shou sighed. “My phone has been dead for like…three days now. Since I got kicked out and haven’t really…had a home for the past week or so, I haven’t exactly had a place to charge it…”

Hiroto wanted to cry more just hearing this. “Shou, you need to find somewhere to live!” He couldn’t let him just live in parks and in trees and under cars…or wherever he’s been.

“I know, I know,” he replied. He thought for a moment, not sure what to tell Hiroto. Hell, he didn’t even know what his next move was. He hadn’t known for five days now. “Maybe a hotel for a bit…”

“Do you have enough money?”

Shou shrugged. “My buddy has all my cash at his place right now.”

Hiroto’s eyes widened. “You trust him?”

“Of course!” Shou responded enthusiastically. “He’s my best friend. He’s that guy I told you about, the only one who stuck by my side after everything…”

Hiroto nodded, though still unsure. “Well, maybe just go over there and get it…?”

Shou nodded. “Yeah, he has all my money and stuff right now. He was really cool and went and got it all a few days ago from my old apartment…probably while I was shitfaced. And I think he has my phone charger too…”

“Then definitely go over there!” Hiroto exclaimed.

Shou nodded. Hiroto was so cute. “Yeah, I will, I will. In fact, he may even let me crash on his couch like he did before. I’m not sure, we’ll see.” Dismissing these thoughts for the future, he returned to the heart of the matter. “But, anyway, since my phone is dead right now, you can’t call me until I’m able to charge it…”

Hiroto looked sad. “Well, when will that be?”

“Probably sometime today, because I’ll just go right over to his place and see what he can help me with, but I’m not sure.” Shou sighed and thought for a moment. He didn’t want to leave without at least having some way for Hiroto to contact him. Or, for him to contact Hiroto…

“Why don’t you give me your number, and I will text you the instant my phone turns back on?” Shou asked. He knew that Hiroto would prefer to have his number, but this was better than nothing.

Hiroto nodded. “Okay, that’s fine.”

I believe him. He isn’t playing me. I believe him. I believe that he’s going to contact me. I don’t have to worry.

Hiroto ran inside to the main lobby and grabbed a pen off of the front desk, then ran back out to Shou and hastily scribbled his phone number on his hand.

“Don’t lose this!” Hiroto warned.

Shou shook his head. “I promise I won’t! The instant I get over there I’ll write it on like…actual paper.”

Hiroto nodded. “…Good then.”

There wasn’t really anything else to say. Neither wanted to part, but it had to be done. The sun would even come up soon, and the early risers would start jogging and walking their dogs, and they’d stop and see a sexy, scruffy, up-to-no-good looking man with an innocent little teenage boy. And that wouldn’t look right to them.

But something was on Shou’s mind, and he had to say it before he left. “You know, I’ve been such a wreck this whole week. I got kicked out, and nearly lost you…I don’t even remember where I stayed most nights. Feels like I just disappeared. And Hiroto, I don’t like getting like that. I don’t like drinking a lot, getting so fucked up that I can’t even remember what I did to be so ashamed of.”

“I don’t like you drinking either…” Hiroto whispered.

Now, it was Shou’s turn to tear up a bit. “The reason I fell apart…the reason I didn’t even bother to find another place to live after getting kicked out…was because of you. I thought I’d lost you and…” He sniffled. Saying this was the hardest thing. “…And I knew that if I wanted to keep you, I needed to stop. I needed to stop fucking around. Stop being so damn dirty and disgusting and just…pull myself together. Because you’ve shown me that, though having someone love you is work, it’s worth it…” Shou’s final words were reduced to a solemn whisper, though they held just as much truth as the rest of his sentiment.

Hiroto’s eyes were kind, as he really took Shou’s confession to heart. “You don’t need to fall apart anymore, Shou,” he responded. “I already told you that I know you’re a good person, and I know that even though you’ve had some rough spots, you’re strong. We all have vices, after all.”

Shou smiled behind his tears. “You’re my vice, baby,” he replied with a small laugh.

Hiroto shrugged smugly. “I don’t blame you.”

For a moment, they were silent again. Somewhere far away, a car alarm went off. It was almost like Shou’s signal to exit. No more had to be said – it was all out on the table now. Shou’d fallen apart, because of Hiroto, but Hiroto had been able to put him back together, and maybe he even had motivated him to do better.

We’ll see, Shou-kun…

Shou leaned down for a small kiss, and then whispered, “I’ll be back, Hiroto, and then you’ll be mine.”

These words made Hiroto’s heart jump, and as he watched Shou walk away from him, he felt his body and soul following. Shou truly knew how to get Hiroto going, no lie. But Hiroto also knew now that Shou needed him for so much more – without Hiroto, Shou found no hope for himself.

Even long after Shou had disappeared into the night, Hiroto remained glued to his spot on the lawn. He needed a moment just to collect himself, to bring his head down from the clouds and make sense of what he’d been suddenly throw into.

You just had to come in and fuck everything up…and baby, I’ve never been happier.

**

Hiroto was definitely anxious that Saturday. He kept his cell phone glued to his hand all day, and though it made him feel a bit clingy and immature, he didn’t care. Though he said he’d believed Shou, and he truly felt that he did, there was still that stinging voice of doubt telling that Shou had only come around to get in his pants, and wouldn’t call him or see him ever again.

No! Don’t think that way! I know he loves me…

And Hiroto needn’t have worried. That highly-anticipated phone call finally came, at 9:45 that evening. Hiroto had been watching a movie with his dad to try to take his mind off of the waiting game that he was playing, and it worked. However, that still didn’t stop him from answering the phone after barely only one ring.

“Hello?” He answered excitedly.

A laugh came from the other end. “You sound so happy to hear from me,” Shou said to him.

Hiroto grinned widely. “I am! I’ve been…” He paused when he realized that he was still sitting right next to his dad. “Uh…hang on a sec.” He stood up and walked quickly to his room. Hell no could he let his dad hear this.

Shutting the door behind him quietly, Hiroto returned to the phone. “Sorry, but yeah…I’ve been waiting to hear from you…” Hiroto couldn’t stop the girly, lovey-dovey tone in his voice.

And Shou loved to hear him with that tone. “Well, I’m here at Jui’s place now. He—”

“Who’s Jui?” Hiroto asked, suddenly concerned.

“Oh, sorry,” Shou apologized quickly. “Jui’s my friend. He’s gonna let me crash until I can figure out what’s next. I really don’t wanna be here too long though so, we’ll see…but at least I have someone where nice to be again.”

Hiroto smiled knowing that Shou was somewhere safe. “I know you’ll be okay,” he whispered.

Though it was a nice thing to hear, Shou really didn’t want to sit there, discussing everything that he had to deal with at the moment. “Yeah,” he said, brushing off Hiroto’s sentiment. “And now you have my number, too!” He exclaimed, changing the subject.

“Oh yeah, I do,” Hiroto responded. That really put his heart at ease, knowing that Shou really wanted him to have it.

“Now, don’t go around giving it out. I mean, I don’t know why you would but I really don’t give it to many people and—”

“Don’t worry!” Hiroto interrupted. “No one’s gonna know it, I promise.”

Shou paused, for a small smile. “Good.” And he couldn’t help it as a dirty thought crossed his mind. “So…when can I see you next?”

**

The next several days were a fast, overwhelming, sexual blur. Everyday, Hiroto couldn’t help himself. He couldn’t calm the intense feelings of desire just from a glimpse at Shou. And he didn’t even want to stop himself anymore.

Sunday, they met for Starbuck’s, but couldn’t stay for more than five minutes before they were rushing back to Jui’s apartment, where they made love on his couch, since he was at work.

Monday, Shou met Hiroto after school and though Hiroto swore he’d keep his hands to himself this time, he barely lasted an hour before he was dragging Shou to the far end of the soccer field, begging him to take him in the shade of some protective palm trees.

Hiroto was surprised on Tuesday when Shou showed up, yet again, and told him he wanted to take him to his favorite beach. And poor Hiroto just couldn’t stop himself when he saw Shou taking off his shirt – he immediately pulled Shou down into the sand and began ripping off the rest of his clothes. Shou knew by this point that Hiroto really was a horny teenager, and he was more than happy to let Hiroto ride him in the sand, which ended up being much more difficult and messy than they’d both imagined. But later they tried again out in the water as the sun was setting, and that was much nicer.

On Wednesday, Hiroto had to go meet some of his friends at the mall to discuss some school project or something…he really didn’t care. His mind was on Shou, and as if Shou had been able to read his thoughts, he showed up and pulled Hiroto away from the group, telling him how much he loved him and needed him. So in the somewhat-filthy mall bathrooms, they made love again, this time with Shou being the overly-passionate one.

By Thursday, Hiroto had utterly given up having any self-control around Shou. Everyday he fell more and more in love, and everyday he wanted to have Shou inside him, because it simply never got old. So he texted Shou and told him to come to his school at lunch time, and though Shou was confused, he eventually got a happy ending when he and Hiroto made love in empty the language lab, and then again later after school in the soccer field, just as they had on Monday.

Friday, though, proved to be the best. Hiroto had woken up, turned on in the worst way ever, and decided to fake sick so he could just stay home and be with Shou all day. And the instant that his parents and Tora were out of the house, he called Shou to come over and “play house.” And they certainly did, all day, over and over again. It really filled Hiroto with happiness, because it was like they were already living together.

As he reflected on the past week quietly on the couch while Shou cooked him an early dinner, he felt a bit ashamed. He wasn’t a whore, was he? He really didn’t know if it was normal for couples to have so much sex. Maybe the two of them were going to turn into some kind of fuck buddy pairing, and he certainly didn’t want that. Because at this point, he still barely knew what the two of them technically were together.

Suddenly filled with doubt, Hiroto got up from the couch and walked to the kitchen, where Shou was standing at the stove, frying noodles. “Baby?” He asked quietly.

Shou turned around immediately. “Yeah?” He asked, eyes wide.

Hiroto had gotten better about voicing his concerns and questions, but he was still so shy to ask something like this. But he really needed to know. Gazing away from Shou’s eyes for a moment, he asked, “Are we…like…boyfriends?”

Shou blinked, indicating some kind of confusion. “Of course, I thought we kind of had been for awhile now,” he responded.

Hiroto sighed, so relieved. “I wasn’t sure, I just needed to know,” he said, voice lighter, so happy that Shou had said it out loud, for sure.

Shou smiled down at him and pulled him closer. “You’re mine, Hiroto, and I’m sure as hell all yours,” he whispered before placing a kiss on Hiroto’s lips. “There’s no one else.”

Hiroto smiled back and shook his head. “No one,” he repeated.

And just to kill the mood, from back in the living room, Shou’s cell phone began ringing.

**

It was almost surreal for Tora to see Saga waltzing into the little store that Friday afternoon. He hadn’t seen or heard from him since the notorious dinner the week before, and though he didn’t want to admit it, it really broke his heart that Saga never came to visit…not once.

But, like a sucker, I’m ready to let him walk back into my life, with arms wide open.

“Hey,” Saga greeted casually as he pushed his sunglasses up onto his head. Tora almost took this as a sign of respect, if he actually believed that Saga really felt anything for him.

“Oh, hi,” Tora replied, unenthusiastically.

You can’t just come in and out of someone’s life whenever you please, asshole.

Saga could sense Tora’s dissatisfaction. He leaned one arm on the check stand and looked at Tora through his bright blue contacts. “I’m sorry I never came by to see you since last week,” he apologized sincerely. “I’ve been away but…I missed you.”

Tora’s heart stopped.

…Or maybe you can. But if you come into my life this time, make sure you stay for more than five damn minutes!

It took him a minute to full understand that Saga had really just said this to him. “Uh…yeah well it’s cool.”

Smooth, jackass.

“So, where did you go?” Tora asked, trying desperately to save himself.

Saga tossed his head back and casually remarked, “Dubai.” The quintessence of a rich boy, completely. “My parents wanted to take me on a quick trip with them before they continue their own personal globetrotting. So we spent some time there for a few days, and of course it was a drag to have to be with them the whole time but thankfully when they left Dubai for New Zealand they forced me to come back to Japan.”

Tora raised his eyebrows only slightly, trying to find a happy medium between pathetically jealous and trying-too-hard-not-to-care. “Wow, Dubai, cool. Never been there.”

No duh you haven’t been there, idiot. It’s fucking Dubai.

Saga raised an eyebrow at him. “Where have you been?”

Tora shrugged. “I don’t know, around…here and there…” He was feeling like a total dumbass right now, and he really just wanted Saga to change the subject.

And thankfully, Saga got the message. “Well, it was cool but I’m happy to be back,” he said with a small smile. “And I came by to see if you wanted to hang out tonight.”

Tora’s mood brightened instantly. “Yeah, sure,” he responded, trying not to sound too enthusiastic. “I get off at 9 tonight.”

“Perfect,” Saga responded, “because there’s a club opening that I got invited to because my dad knows the owner and—”

“Oh, I don’t think so,” Tora interrupted. “I’m not really a club-goer…”

Saga looked disappointed. “Oh, that’s too bad…when I heard about it you were the only one I could think to invite…”

Oh my God, why is he doing this to me?!

“…But if you don’t think you’ll have fun…”

Tora sighed. “Alright, I’ll give it a try.” He tried his hardest not to sound like he was being tortured, but it wasn’t easy. And he felt like a tool but at this point, he’d pretty much follow Saga anywhere.

Saga smiled. “Cool!” He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper and handed it to Tora. “This has all the information on it. Just go there and I’ll meet you at like…11? Does that sound good?”

Tora opened it and read. It was a flyer, and it looked like it had gone through the wash in Saga’s pants, but he could still read it…unfortunately. But his doubt was erased when he looked up into Saga’s excited eyes. “Yep,” he nodded. “I’ll see you there…at 11.”

Saga’s wide, bright smile remained plastered to his face as he pushed his sunglasses back down over his eyes. “Cool,” he uttered as he walked out the door into the afternoon sunlight.

Tora could only sigh as he watched him go. “Why…do I do this to myself?” He whispered. He glanced back down at the flyer, and for the first time, noticed the actual name of the club. “Badlands…?”

Wow. A night out clubbing with Saga. Please tell me I won’t wake up tomorrow morning regretting this.

**

“I don’t know who this is…” Shou muttered to himself as he picked his ringing cell phone up off of the coffee table in Hiroto’s living room. “Hello?”

“Hi, um, is this Shou-kun?” A woman’s voice came over the other end, and Shou immediately recognized it.

“Ah, Tanaka-san!” He replied, automatically turning on his charm. “Yeah, it’s me, how have you been?”

The woman giggled a bit. “Oh Shou-kun, don’t be so formal. Call me Nozomi, please.”

Shou sighed. “Alright, if you insist, Nozomi-san. So what’s up, young lady?”

Shou charmingly calling her “young lady” only made her giggle even more. “Oh, nothing…I was just wondering I you were still uh…in the business?”

Shou paused. He glanced over at Hiroto, who was standing behind him, with a very confused and almost hurt look on his face. And because of that look, he knew he couldn’t. “Ah, I’m sorry Nozomi-san, but I simply can’t do that anymore…”

“Not sex, though,” she replied hastily.

Shou paused again, taken aback. “Uh…then what do you mean?”

What “business” does she mean? Oh God, she doesn’t want drugs, does she? I will not sell this nice woman anything!

“Well…how would you feel about just a date?” She asked.

Shou was still confused. “I don’t think I quite understand…”

She sighed. “Well, my husband’s been kind of ignoring me lately, and I’m worried he might be losing interest, so I was wondering if you could—”

“You want me to go out with you to make him jealous?” Shou interrupted. He knew where she was going with that, because he knew exactly how women worked. Which is partially why he didn’t want them.

“Yes!” She exclaimed. “See, he and I were invited to a club opening tonight, and I thought it would really piss him off if I was to bring you along with me and make him jealous over me!”

Shou thought for a minute. He didn’t know how Hiroto would feel about this, and at the moment, Hiroto was most important.

Nozomi became concerned at Shou’s silence, so she added, “I’ll still pay you just the same, of course.”

“It’s not about that, Nozomi…” Shou sighed. “I’ll do it, I just want to be able to bring someone along with me.”

“Oh…” Nozomi sounded disheartened by this. “Uh, well, is it your…girlfriend?”

Shou laughed a little. “No, Nozomi-san. My boyfriend. I want him to come.” At that, Shou turned around and grabbed Hiroto’s hand and kissed it, instantly brightening Hiroto’s face.

Hiroto smiled, and mouthed, “I love you,” to Shou.

“I love you,” Shou mouthed back as he pulled him into him in a hug.

On the other line, Nozomi sounded relieved. “Well, I didn’t know you had a…uh…boyfriend, but sure you can bring him! Just as long as my husband gets what he deserves, that’s all I care about.”

“Don’t worry, Nozomi-san,” Shou reassured as he held Hiroto to him. “I know just how to play it.”

Shou and Nozomi spent the next few minutes discussing what to do, when to meet, where to meet, and what to wear, among other things. It put Hiroto’s mind at ease that Shou wanted to bring him with him – wherever the hell they were going – but he was always nervous about what might happen.

When Shou finally hung up, Hiroto pulled away a bit so that Shou could see the concern in his eyes. He didn’t want to see immature or whiney, but he also hated being left in the dark.

“Please don’t look at me with those sad eyes,” Shou cooed as he threw the phone carelessly onto the couch. He leaned down and gave Hiroto a sweet kiss on the forehead. “That’s just an older lady I used to…uh…”

“Fuck?”

Shou pulled back, shocked. “You have a dirty mouth!” He exclaimed.

Hiroto sneered. “You have a dirty mind,” he retorted.

Shou bit his mouth, a naughty smile playing on his lips. He leaned down, wrapping his arms around Hiroto, and pulled him close again. “I can’t help it, baby. It’s what you do to me.”

For a moment, they kissed heavily, as Shou began rubbing his hands up and down Hiroto, working him up. And though Hiroto was more than happy to play just one more time before his parents got home from work, he needed to know something first.

Painfully pulling out of the kiss, he asked Shou, “What are we doing, exactly?”

“We’re going to a club opening.”

“Oh,” Hiroto nodded, then kissed Shou again. Through the kiss, he asked, “What’s the club called?”

“Badlands.”

It Dreams 7/?

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 13:58:26 GMT

Title: It Dreams
Author: Caitlin
Pairing(s): ShouxHiroto, ShouxSaga, ToraxSaga
Rating: NC-17
Chapter: 7/?
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
Summary: Forbidden love of the innocent-high-school-kidxdrug-dealing-prostitute variety. And other things.
A/N: Finally, a new chapter!
There's a ridiculous amount of smut and sex in this chapter, as well as a lot of important, burning questions have been answered.
Please enjoy and cmnt! (^o^)

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6

I have to say this before you guys read: I am so sorry!
The past few weeks, I haven't really been myself...I don't know why, weird shit is going on (>.>). But I stayed up all night finishing this chapter for everyone, and I hope you all forgive me! *bows* It's really fucking long too, approximately 50% longer than normal (most chapter are about 12 pages in Word, and this one is 18 *_* hope you guys like long chapters!). And even though I just had such a hard time writing this chapter (there were lots of weird issues with alignment, spacing, and other dumb shit, not to mention the horrible writer's block) I'm so pleased with how it turned out, and hope everyone else is too!
Forgive me? *gives cookies*
♥

Chater Seven
"Say the Words of Love"

Tora was shaking. He was absolutely terrified out of his mind and borderline hyperventilating. It had taken him hours to pick out the right outfit – something that looked classy, but in a way like he had just thrown it on – and he still felt like he looked like crap. He’d been running over the scenarios in his mind. What if it was all a trap? What if they were going to humiliate him by not even being home, or what if they were planning to kill him by poisoning his food? Why would Saga invite him over like this? Tora knew that Saga must know something…would he be killed for snooping the way he did?

Deep breath, he told himself over and over. You’re just being paranoid. And besides, if someone does try to kill you or something, it’s not like you have greatest life anyway.

Despite him trying to talk himself down, he could not find any peace of mind. The taxi driver had tried his hardest to strike up conversations with Tora, but he was too distracted. He checked his teeth every five seconds to make sure there was nothing in them. Checked his hair just as frequently to make sure it wasn’t out of place. Oh God, what if the taxi could just get lost and I would have an excuse not to go…

But far too soon, the taxi was parked in front of Saga’s mansion. And far too soon, Tora found himself in front of a place that completely horrified him.

He paid the driver and stood still for a few minutes. Too many awful thoughts were invading his head and he just wanted so badly to call the taxi driver back. To take him home, where he was safe and could lead a normal life, free of drama and fear and visions of gay sex.

But he couldn’t turn away. The image of Saga’s gorgeous face came into Tora’s mind, lined with delicate features that revealed that maybe deep inside, he wasn’t so happy. He was wealthy, wealthier than Tora could ever wish to be. He probably had everything, instantly. But Tora could tell, simply by their two brief meetings, that Saga was masking an unbelievable pain. He hoped he wasn’t being too presumptuous, but he had a way of telling. He was a psychology student, after all.

With a newfound confidence and drive to continue this bizarre evening, Tora bravely pressed the call button, as the front gates were locked this time.

“Yeah, I’ll let you in,” was all Saga muttered over the speaker.

Tora was a bit surprised by the informal greeting, but relieved that at least someone was home, so at least it wasn’t a humiliating set up. Well, maybe it was. But so far it wasn’t.

Even though the front walk looked like it was about a mile long, Tora found himself at the front door far too soon. He felt a wave of embarrassment, remembering the last time he’d been here…

God, just don’t do anything like that again.

Before he could compose himself, the front door swung open. The hallway was dark inside, but Tora could see Saga’s face, half in light and half in dark. He wasn’t smiling, but he wasn’t frowning either. In fact, he looked kind of bored.

“Come in,” he commanded, leaving the door open for Tora to see himself in.

Tora immediately followed Saga in, shutting the door behind him quietly. Ahead of him was a long dark hallway…very long. Unnecessarily long, in fact. The kind of hallway only a very rich person would find useful. Saga seemed rather nonchalant about being a kind host, leaving Tora to explore his own way through it.

Once he had emerged from the mile-long front hallway, his eyes were greeted with the most lavish, glamorous living room he’d ever seen. There was a massive chandelier hanging from the ceiling, paintings and candles and a grand piano and all sorts of fancy things that rich people would have in their living rooms. Also, there was a massive TV with a surround sound system and just about every piece of technological entertainment equipment anyone could want.

After staring, wide-eyed with his mouth open, for about 30 seconds, he realized that this was the room that he’d seen when he had looked through the window. It was so embarrassing for him, his face began turning red now that he knew what it was like on the other side. He was too ashamed to even turn around and look at the window that he’d looked through before, though he knew it was right behind him.

When his senses returned to him, he saw Saga standing right in front of him with that bitchy, “who farted?” look on his face. “Um…what the hell is your problem?” He asked rudely.

Tora paused. Did he really just speak to me like that? “Nothing,” he replied, trying to sound just as rude, though failing.

Saga sighed and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I know it’s great in here. Something you probably aren’t used to, but please don’t—”

“Oh…my…God!” A woman screamed from somewhere behind Saga, and as soon as she did, Saga stopped, turned around, face full of horror.

“Oh good lord woman, can’t you just—”

Suddenly, a middle-aged woman came rushing towards Saga and Tora. She looked about 45 or so, and Tora guessed this was probably Saga’s mother. She looked a lot like him, being tall and thin, and even had the same fragile features that he did. In fact, her hair was lightened, just like his. Overall, she wasn’t bad looking at all, but Tora wasn’t into women that were twice his age.

She looked quite delighted to see him, however, which freaked Tora out a little bit. “You didn’t tell me your friend was so hot!” She screamed.

Tora was quite taken aback by this woman’s words. No one had ever called Tora “hot,” and although he did have his vain moments, overall he didn’t much care for his appearance. But apparently she did. But what really shocked him was to hear someone of her age using such colloquial words.

Saga, still with his perpetually bitchy-face on, said, “Mother, this is Tora. He’s too young for you.”

Tora felt extremely awkward, caught between trying not to piss off Saga, and trying not to piss off Saga's mother. So he did the neutral thing, extending his hand, saying, “Nice to meet you.”

Saga’s mother, however, didn’t grab his hand, but giggled and turned red instead. “Oh…” She cooed. “He’s not only good-looking, but he’s polite too!”

“Mother, stop fangirling and get us drinks,” Saga ordered. Tora could tell he was really irritated right now, and he couldn’t help but wonder if maybe Saga didn’t want his mother behaving this way because he was jealous…?

No, come on, a guy like Saga would never go for me…not that I give a damn! I’m no homo!

“Oh, you get them,” Saga’s mother replied, reaching forward and grabbing Tora by the elbow, leading him to one of their massive couches. “I wanna learn more about your friend here.”

“Uh…uh…” Was all Tora could stammer as Saga’s mother led him away. He pleaded with Saga with his eyes for forgiveness, but all Saga could do was glare at him.

Damn…caught between Saga’s horny mom and Saga himself, this night is gonna be fucking scary. Do I even want to know what his dad is like?

Saga’s mother sat Tora down on the couch forcefully, then sat down next to him, alarmingly close. There was probably no more than half an inch of space between the two of them, if that. Tora felt uncomfortable and wanted to scoot away, just a little bit, but was still afraid of pissing anyone off (well, anyone else, that is).

“So, tell me about yourself,” Saga’s mother said, beaming at him.

Tora was terrified. “Uh, well…”

“Tora-kun is a university student,” Saga interjected as he returned to the living room, carrying two glasses full of sparkling water. He obediently handed one to his mother, and then to Tora, who received it with a shaking hand.

“Thank you,” Tora said timidly, and was surprised when Saga nodded his head as he sat down in the chair next to the couch, face bereft of the evil that had been there just a minute ago.

“University!” Saga’s mother exclaimed. “How nice. What else do you…do?” She asked curiously.

Taking a quick sip, Tora said, “Well, I work—”

“Oh! Somewhere nice, I’ll bet,” Saga’s mother interrupted.

“Well, I work in a con—”

“He works as an intern at the Department of Finance,” Saga interrupted, yet again. He gave Tora a “keep your mouth shut, I’m saving you” look when Tora glanced at him in confusion, but he understood right away.

Chugging half of her glass, Saga’s mother’s eyes widened. “Wow! That’s so impressive!” She set the half-empty glass on the table in front of them. Turning back to Tora, her face full of bright excitement, she whispered, “You must have quite a few girls chasing after you with a life like yours then…” And before Tora could even think of how to respond to what she’d just said, he felt her fingers begin dancing playfully on his knee.

“Um-uh-I…uh—” He was so disturbed, he had no idea what to do.

Saga, fortunately, noticed what his mother had begun doing. “Hey! Woman! Cut that shit out!” He yelled, standing up angrily.

But his mother ignored him. Leaning into Tora, with Tora leaning as far back away as he could and his eyes wide in horror, she said, in a voice even lower this time, “Come on, there’s gotta be a reason they call you ‘Tora,’ right?” She moved her hand from his knee and brought it to the back of his neck this time and began playing with the hem of his collar, and breathed, “Makes a girl wonder just what a tiger like you would be capable of in the bedro—”

“Dinner’s ready!”

Breathing a sigh of relief at the announcement of the meal by one of Saga’s butlers or maids or whatever the hell he had there, Tora stood up as fast as he could, eager to get away from this mad woman.

I’m not even here for five minutes and I’m already nearly-raped? Will I fucking survive?

But with a quick glance over at Saga, who was giving Tora a sneaky little smile, as if laughing at him on the inside for being terrorized by his mother, Tora could instantly feel his heart begin to ease.

Maybe it won’t be so bad…with him here…

**

It was a struggle trying to keep Shou quiet as Hiroto was leading him through the apartment to his bedroom. He kept stumbling and tripping on things in the dark, or hiccupping. And then he would apologize for whatever noise he’d just made, only making even more noise. Hiroto’s heart was pounding so fast – if they were caught, he’d be so screwed.

He breathed a sigh of relief as they finally made it to his bedroom. He shut the door quietly and leaned against it, catching his breath for a moment, while Shou made himself right at home on Hiroto’s messy bed.

There was silence for a moment, then, “Thank you,” Shou breathed. Even though it was just a normal bed, Shou felt more comfortable than he had in days. The window was open and the moonlight was shining through it calmly, only adding to the growing serenity he was feeling.

Though he had been determined to remain strong and unforgiving, Hiroto could already feel the iciness around his heart melting as he gazed at Shou. His big, pretty eyes were fluttering, almost closed, and his chest was rising and falling slowly, bathed in moonlight, with the sheets scattered around him, so unkempt…he looked breathtaking. Hiroto didn’t know how long he’d be able to stay away.

After an unsatisfyingly long silence, Shou lifted his head up and spotted Hiroto just staring at him through the dark, all the way across the room. “The hell are you doing over there?” He invitingly patted the bed next to him, not caring about the fact that said bed belonged to Hiroto anyway.

Hiroto’s heart fluttered as he approached Shou, overwhelmed to be close to him again. All the pain and anger and sadness of the past few days was erased as he sat down next to Shou on the bed.

Shou’s eyes were shining as he gazed lovingly up at Hiroto. He knew it would feel good to be next to him again, but he didn’t know it would feel this good. “I missed you,” he whispered.

Though these words melted Hiroto’s heart, they also shook him from his trance. “What happened, Shou? Where did you go? And why did…” He couldn’t say it. It was too painful, he didn’t want to know the answer.

Shou sighed. “I wanna tell you everything…”

“Then tell me!”

“You’ll hate me.”

“I could never…hate you,” Hiroto said, reaching down and running his fingers through Shou’s dirty hair. When he had first begun the sentence, he didn’t know if he could finish it honestly. But upon a second guess, he knew it was true; if he was to ever hate Shou, it would be now. And even after everything that had happened, he couldn’t honestly say that the feeling he had toward Shou was hatred. Confusion was more like it.

Shou’s face looked so sad, despite what Hiroto had said. “I just don’t wanna drive you away, Hiroto-kun. Though I haven’t been acting like it, you’re so special to me. And I’m afraid that if you learn the truth about who I am, you’ll—”

“I know you, Shou. I know that you’re not the kind of person who’s defined by what you do with your time, but what’s going on inside.” Hiroto was surprised by his own words of care and wisdom, but it came from a place of truth. He honestly believed that he did know Shou, and that Shou was a good person. Though there was still a doubtful part of him that was afraid of the truth, the majority of him was ready.

Tears began to form at the heartfelt words, but he held them back before Hiroto’s face above him grew blurry. “If you can promise me you won’t go anywhere, I will tell you…if you can listen to the entire story and swear that you will stay by my side.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Hiroto replied immediately and grabbed Shou’s hand in his. “You can’t get me to leave you now.”

Shou smiled, just a tiny bit. He still felt a bit drunk, but finally being able to rest his body in Hiroto’s bed, combined with the seriousness of their conversation, was sobering him up quite well. He sighed, for he had to prepare himself just as much as Hiroto did. “Well, it pretty much all started when I was seventeen. I was with a girl at the time – she was pretty much the girl who turned me off to all girls – and in my high school, she was kind of known as the “party girl.” I wasn’t really into that…I was sort of a jock, you know, doing as many sports as I could so I didn’t have to go home right after school and deal with my fucking family. But when I was in my second year, she showed some interest in me, and well…I was a horny seventeen-year-old, and she was hot, so of course, I couldn’t really say no to her.

“It turned out that her reputation was entirely true, and then some. When she and I began dating, she was only doing smaller things, like weed, ecstasy, and the occasional ketamine. But not even two weeks together, and she started in on OxyContin. I had ignored everything up to that point, but when she started doing that shit, my conscience – and friends – told me to just back away, you know? Get myself away from the damn trainwreck. But…I didn’t listen. Instead, I joined her. Because she made it seem so harmless, and so fun.

“We began doing that quite frequently, until it became the only thing we did together. Eventually, after being strung out on that stuff for about ten days straight, I got sick of it and needed some fresh air. So she and I went to a small live showcase in Shinjuku, and out behind the building, some guys she knew were smoking some weed and let us hit it. I figured it would be a good thing to help get me off my horrible Oxy high.

“So I had just two hits, and know what? The shit was laced with fucking PCP. I began seeing lions in the street and thinking I could jump off the edge of the sidewalk and fly…it was insane. Also, at some point, she and I actually starting beating each other up, but the beating up turned into sex – this was the first time she and I had had sex, by the way. I don’t know where we were…I think maybe in an alley. But it was absolutely horrible. It was at that time that I knew I didn’t want women. I had never seen such a hideous, scary person before than when I was having sex with this girl while fucked up on PCP. I mean…I can’t even explain it. It was bad.

“So after she and I had both come down, which wasn’t until like almost two days later, I broke up with her. She was sad, I guess, but it’s not like she didn’t have a million guys lined up behind me. So she and I went our separate ways and last I heard, she’d moved to Hong Kong and is involved in some major opium cartel shit.

“After that, everything became kind of a blur. Lost all of my old friends, and I didn’t even make it to my final year of high school. I would spend weeks away from home, only seeing my parents maybe once or twice a month. I can’t even say where I was because I was never in the same place. Always at someone else’s house, with someone else’s needles in my arm, drinking someone else’s vodka. OxyContin was still a favorite, but I would honestly take anything that someone handed to me, as long as it worked. I got fucked over a few times when assholes would give me crap like bum acid or cut coke, but that still wasn’t enough to deter me.

“At this time I also began sleeping around a lot, only with guys. Thinking back, it was incredibly gross because one minute I’d be sticking some stranger’s needle in m vein, and the next, they’d be sticking their needle in me, if you know what I mean.”

Hiroto laughed a little at this. Well, at least he’s still laughing, so he can't be too angry yet.

“It’s some kind of miracle from God that I didn’t get an STD, because I never, ever used protection. And it wasn’t just me with this kind of lifestyle. I mean…we all fucked around. We were all sick junkies. I’m sure that at least one of two of the guys I’ve slept with have been infected, but somehow I made it out safe. And I am so thankful for that, because I was seriously fucking around in the danger zone.

“So this stuff went on for like…two years or something. Then at one point, when I went home after not being home for almost three months, my mother just tore into me. In the time that I had been away for that almost-three-months, my dad had left. I still don’t know where he is or what he’s doing, or if he’s gonna come home. But apparently his leaving had just destroyed her, and me returning, all fucked up and almost dead was just the final straw. She started screaming at me, and of course at the time I was so messed up and hungover yet still high and drunk and fiending but overdosing all at once that I just lost it and began screaming back. I started throwing shit…breaking shit…because I was just so sick. Then I told her that I didn’t want to be her son anymore. That she was a failure as a mother and a wife, and just being near her was a disgrace. So I left. Left her and my little brother, not even a fortnight after my dad had left too.

“One of the few friends I had who hadn’t fucked me over was able to help. He introduced me to some Starbuck’s managers, some grocery store and internet café managers…but none of them wanted to hire me. For one, I hadn’t even finished high school, and two, no way in hell could I pass a drug test. I was basically not ideal for anyone to employ.

“But he was really determined to help me. He stopped me from doing so many drugs, basically reducing me to nothing more than weed or alcohol. It was difficult, and it took a lot of willpower and tears, but we did it. One of the few things I’m proud of accomplishing over the past few years. But that didn’t solve the problem of having nowhere to live and no money. I mean, he was letting me sleep on his couch, but I didn’t want that. I wanted to prove to my mom and myself that I could survive on my own.

“There was an option that I’d been aware of all along, but didn’t want to resort to. But once I began to realize that I couldn’t get a real, legitimate job, I knew it was the only choice.

“I know that, compared to a lot of guys out there, I have certain features that are more…appealing. I don’t want to go around saying what an ikemen I am, but I did know I was attractive enough to use my looks to earn money. So, I did the only thing that I could do to get money: I began to…sell myself…”

Hiroto stopped breathing for a moment. Shou didn’t know if this was because of surprise or disgust, or maybe both. But he didn’t say a word, so Shou continued.

“At first, a lot of my clients were just lonely old housewives, but after awhile, I began building a clientele of some middle-aged men as well. Men who’d want the world to think that they were as straight as an arrow, but who secretly love cock. And that was fine with me, I’m good at keeping secrets.

“As a side project, I also began selling drugs. I figured that since I still had those old contacts, maybe I could make a few extra bucks from that too, since a lot of my clients were also into that stuff. But honestly, unless you’re a major drug manufacturer, you really don’t make any money. It’s not like I can make the mark up big enough for me to really make good money. No one would buy it. When I get stuff right off the boat, I can get away with marking it up a little bit more, but everyone tries to buy right off the boat as soon as they can, so it’s hard to get a stake in that.

“Anyway, so that’s what I did. I spent another few months with my friend, until I’d saved up enough money to actually get my own apartment. It was a shithole, and just like my home, I barely spent any time there, but it still gave me a little bit of pride. Got my own cell phone, too. That really helped with clients and scheduling and whatnot.”

“So I was sort of on my road to recovery. I’d completely stopped using everything, except for the occasional drink, and I’d got my own place with my own stuff. Was running my own “sort of business” with my own clients…I mean, it certainly wasn’t what it was supposed to be, but I’d fixed a lot of the shit that I’d messed up.

Shou took a deep breath. He hadn’t been prepared to share this much with Hiroto, but he couldn’t stop now that he’d started. He was almost done anyway, and he was getting to the best part.

With a hushed voice that was filled with adoration, he continued slowly, with eyes shining. “Then one day, I saw a cute little boy getting beat up by a bunch of assholes. I couldn’t just let that happen without doing anything, so I went in there and kicked those guys’ asses. And ever since that day, my world has been brighter.” Shou smiled and reached up, brushing Hiroto’s cheek lightly with his fingers.

Hiroto smiled back down at Shou. “Shou-kun…”

“…Ever since that day, I’ve been falling more and more in love with him…”

Hiroto’s breath caught in his throat again, this time most definitely out of surprise. “L-love?” He stammered, slightly in shock.

Shou nodded, and began to sit up slowly. His head felt a bit woozy, but overall he wasn’t drunk anymore. Once he was sitting up next to Hiroto, he pulled the boy into his chest. He was cold, and needed to feel him. “Don’t be surprised, Hiroto-kun.” He glanced down into Hiroto’s eyes, just as he looked up into his. “I love you.”

Hiroto was utterly silent for a moment; not even breathing. He didn’t want to just say it back with no truth or feeling behind it. He had to take a moment, to search deep through his soul to find the truth. But it didn’t take him long to find it.

“I love you.”

Shou could have died that moment and been happy; he pulled Hiroto even closer to him. He whispered, “You don’t have to say it just because I did.”

“I know, I said it because it’s true,” Hiroto responded confidently. He pulled away from Shou and looked up into his eyes. “If I didn’t love you, I would have told you to leave once I heard what you told me what you’ve done. If I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t have gotten so upset about the past few days…”

Shou’s heart hurt at Hiroto’s words. He knew he’d messed up. He knew he’d hurt Hiroto this past week, and even though he was going through hell himself, he couldn’t displace it onto the one he loved as well.

He hung is head a bit. “I’m so sorry for hurting you this week, Hiroto-kun…”

Hiroto’s eyes switched from holding love to concern as he witnessed Shou’s sudden mood change. “It’s okay Shou, I understand—”

“No, I wanna tell you,” Shou interrupted. “I got kicked out. Got kicked out of my apartment because I forgot to pay my rent last month. I can get the money in like a day, but my stupid landlord and I got into a fight and…well I guess I just got a bit hotheaded and told him I didn’t want his shitty apartment—”

“So you’ve been living on the street for the past few days?!” Hiroto asked, a bit louder than he should have.

Shou didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. He just kept his head low, ashamed. Ashamed for being kicked out of first apartment he’d ever owned on his own. Ashamed for drinking himself stupid for the past few days. And, more than anything, he was ashamed of letting all of this bother Hiroto. He couldn’t forget the words that he’d said to him when he’d stopped by his school to see him. And although Hiroto seemed to be forgiving him now, he still felt so low.

Hiroto wasn’t sure what to say. For a moment, he and Shou just sat together in silence on the bed in the dark. Outside, crickets could be heard calling to each other; the only sound that broke the murderous silence. Hiroto gently reached up and began rubbing Shou’s back. He hated to see him looking so destroyed. He couldn’t let him go on like this. He refused, absolutely.

“Why don’t you try to go back home?” Hiroto asked hesitantly. He was hoping he wasn’t stepping into personal territory.

Shou looked up and shook his head. “I called my mom and…she doesn’t want me. And after the things I said to her, I don’t blame her. I can’t go back there.”

Hiroto sighed heavily. “I wanna help you though…” He said, not really thinking through well enough to finish his sentence.

Shou leaned back, lying back down on the bed. He grabbed Hiroto’s hand just as Hiroto turned around and replied, “Just let me stay with you.”

“You aren’t going anywhere, Shou-kun,” Hiroto responded with a little smile.

Shou smiled back up at him. Though he’d just spilled his gut and revealed everything he hated about himself to Hiroto, Hiroto still cared about him. In fact, he’d told him he loved him. Shou had given up hope finding someone who could love him and be kind to him, so to have this sweet boy who did love him in his life now was truly a miracle. Not to mention the fact that Shou was madly in love with him back. His heart began to dance happily; he finally had something to give a damn about. He wanted to shout it to the world.

But instead, to keep Hiroto from getting in trouble with his parents, Shou simply whispered, “Come here,” and pulled the boy on top of him, wanting him, greedily. He was delighted to feel Hiroto’s body against him once again, and couldn’t help himself from running his fingers through his messy hair, kissing him, feeling him entirely.

You know it isn’t enough for me to just say how much I love you, Hiroto. Now, I want to show you how much I love you…

**

“I think we can do that again,” Saga’s mother called to one of their three maids that were standing, ready and willing, in Saga’s massive dining room. She reached out her martini glass to the maid and watched her fill it, eyes happy and inebriated.

“Woman, behave yourself,” Saga’s father said over his newspaper, not really adding much thought or emotion to his command.

“Oh, nine martinis never hurt anybody!” She called back to him.

Under his breath, Saga muttered, “Fucking dumb beaver.”

But Tora, who was seated across the long table from him, heard. He gazed at Saga, who was sitting with his head down, scraping his fork against his empty plate. He looked extremely sad.

I want to go over there. I want to comfort him. I don’t care if that’s a gay thing to want, I do…

“So, Tora!” Saga’s mother called to him as she had her new martini in hand, snapping him from his trance. “I have a question for—” She interrupted her own sentence by gulping down the martini in one quick drink.

Tora cocked an eyebrow at her. “Um…yes?”

She set the martini glass on the table violently, and looked as if she was trying to keep her eyes looking straight and her head from falling off. “I just wanna know, do you college kids have sex?” She asked, very loudly.

Saga’s head shot up. “Mother! Shut the hell up!” He yelled down the table at her.

She giggled a little as she stared drunkenly at her appalled son. “I’m just curious! It’s been a long time since my college days!”

“Very long,” Saga muttered in response. Then he turned to Tora, eyes full of apology, and said, “Don’t even answer her anymore. Actually, don’t even acknowledge her at all.”

“Um…” Tora wished he didn’t have to, but this put him in an awkward position.

“It’s okay, it’s just an innocent question!” Saga’s mother called to Tora, spitting her words sloppily.

Good God, leave me alone!

“Let the poor boy be, Honey. I don’t think he’s interested in sleeping with you,” Saga’s father said calmly as he turned the page of his newspaper.

Tora’s eyes widened. This was getting way too bizarre for him. The food had been good – steak with mushrooms and cheesecake for dessert. Oh yeah, that had been really good. But this…was just weird. Saga’s mother was shitfaced and wanted him bad, Saga’s father was nonchalant about his wife trying to get with a boy half her age, and Saga himself was just mortified entirely.

Saga’s mother hiccupped again. “W…why not?” She asked, with that drunken half-smile on her face as one of her pupils seemed to be travelling to the far corner of her eye. She turned back to the maid and yelled, “Another one!”

Saga stood up. “Alright, this shit is ridiculous,” he announced to the room. Turning to Tora, with the most serious face he could muster, he commanded, “It’s time to leave, Tora-kun.”

Tora breathed a sigh of relief. He’d never been so happy to be bossed around by anyone, and although it still rubbed him the wrong way when Saga spoke to him in that tone, he was more than happy to be set free.

“Oh…” Saga’s mother moaned in despair as she watched Tora and Saga leave the room in haste.

“Nice meeting you!” Saga’s father called after they’d already left the dining room.

“Ignore them both,” Saga whispered as they made their way through the winding, seemingly endless hallways that would eventually lead them out to the living room. “Just follow me, and don’t look back.” And with that, Saga reached back and grabbed Tora’s hand, his firm grip, as if he refused to let Tora go.

Needless to say, this completely caught him off guard. And though he didn’t like it, he could feel his heart booming to life with his hand in Saga’s.

I don’t know why but…I don’t want you to let go…

**

Hiroto’s heart was pounding faster than he’d ever remembered. Though he swore that he’d be ready and quite willing to go this far with Shou before, it was one thing to say it and a completely different thing to actually go through it. But he knew it was right, and he knew that Shou would be good to him and take care of him.

They were both completely naked on Hiroto’s bed, with Shou hovering over Hiroto. He looked significantly more relaxed than Hiroto was, but this was only to be expected, what with all of Shou’s experience.

“Usually, I’m the one in your position,” Shou breathed as he reached to the desk next to the bed for the lotion that Hiroto had fetched for him from his bathroom. “I mean, I’m usually the one being…penetrated. But for the first time, at least, I think it’s wise to let you be the one on the bottom. Being on top is more work, and I want this to be as easy for you as possible.”

Barely able to make his ears work well enough to listen, Hiroto couldn’t take his eyes off of Shou. Never before had he found the sight of another man’s penis arousing, but Shou just completely changed that for him. His body was decorated with scars and bruises and though it concerned Hiroto, a part of him found it enticing. And he especially couldn’t stop admiring the way Shou’s firm abdominal muscles flexed as he began lathering himself up, and he bit his lip as his eyes began wandering downward, where the muscles sloped as a tiny trail of dark hair led his gaze to Shou’s cock, which was currently red with excitement and hard as a rock as it was being covered with the strawberry-scented lotion.

God I want it.

The veins throughout his body were popping up, particularly covering his arms and hands. It made him look strong and utterly capable. Hiroto could only imagine the kind of things that Shou could do to him, the kind of pleasure he could fill him with. He knew it would be like nothing he’d ever experienced and he was going nuts just thinking of it all while having to watch Shou, his body looking so tense and flexed and alive and…ready.

When Shou finished, he closed the bottle and tossed it on the floor. He was surrounded by the scent of strawberry, mixed with sweat and anticipation, and as he looked down at Hiroto, he felt his cock twitch, and he smiled coyly. “You should be proud of yourself, Hiroto-kun,” he whispered as he began to lower himself closer to his lover.

Hiroto felt his blood pumping through his body as Shou’s came closer. “Why?” He asked breathlessly. He was so turned on by that devious look on Shou’s face, and the naughty tone in his voice, he felt like he was about to lose it.

Shou came close enough to Hiroto just enough to let their lips touch without kissing, then replied, “It’s not easy for anyone to turn me on. Hell, half the time I’m being fucked, I’m not even hard. But one look at your pretty face—” he leaned down for a quick kiss, then, “and I’m harder than I’ve been in years.”

Hiroto did feel proud. He didn’t have a clue what Shou found so arousing about him, but he didn’t want to kill the mood by asking. Instead, he pulled Shou’s head back down and kissed forcefully.

Shou was surprised by Hiroto’s sudden passion, but only for a second, for the next moment he took control again, opening his mouth and pushing his tongue inside, letting it tangle with Hiroto’s. Next, he snaked his right hand down from where it had been holding him up, all the way down Hiroto’s body, letting it pause to play at his nipple and then down at his hip for a moment, until it stopped at his hard-on.

Hiroto’s breath caught in his throat, he knew exactly where Shou’s hand was. He gripped the sheets until his knuckles turned white, he was so anticipating it.

Shou could sense Hiroto’s anxiety when he stopped kissing him. “What’s wrong?” He asked, though he knew that nothing was really wrong.

“Touch me,” Hiroto commanded immediately.

Shou smiled. “As you wish…” Just like he had a million times before, he began by slowly pulling at the cock, from base to tip, teasingly. Then, when he could hear Hiroto’s breathing become more rapid and could see his chest rising and falling and his body squirming, he went faster, and harder.

“Ugh, don’t tease me…” Hiroto whined. “More…”

So Shou pumped faster. It delighted him to know end to see Hiroto throw his head back and squeeze his eyes shut, to hear him whimper and beg. Normally, whenever Shou did this to any client, it was the same old thing, and he was never turned on, never pleased. But doing it to someone he actually wanted was an entirely different feeling.

Kudos, Hiroto. You’re the first person to get me going in who-knows-how-long. And, to thank you, I’m gonna do things to you that you’ve only dreamed of.

Shou continued playing with Hiroto’s cock, rolling it in his hand, squeezing it, and occasionally teasing the sensitive head. Leaning down so his lips were to Hiroto’s ear, Shou whispered, “Tell me what you want.”

Hiroto was silent for a moment as he bit his lip, stifling a cry of ecstasy. Then, with a voice breathy and shaky, he responded, “I want you to make love to me.”

Shou’s hand stopped. He hadn’t expected to hear Hiroto say it like that.

Hiroto noticed that Shou was a bit taken aback, so he opened his eyes to look into Shou’s. Sincerely, he repeated, “Make love to me, Shou.”

Without another word, Shou understood. He sat back up on his knees and grabbed Hiroto’s legs, opening them. He scooted in as close as he could, so that the head of his cock was right up against Hiroto. He could feel the heat coming off of his love’s body, only exciting him more, but he still took a moment to make sure that Hiroto was okay.

“You ready?” He asked quietly.

Hiroto nodded, then pulled Shou back down quickly, kissing him hard. Then he broke them apart, and looked into Shou’s eyes intensely. “I love you, Shou. I really, really love you.”

Shou’s heart melted all over again and he smiled. “I really love you, Hiroto.”

Hiroto smiled back and leaned back down on the pillow. He opened his legs a bit wider, as wide as he could, to accommodate Shou, then braced himself by shutting his eyes tight and gripping the sheets, just as he’d done earlier.

To you, my love, I give it all…

Shou found himself becoming more and more nervous as he steadied his overexcited cock. He’d done this a million times, but with Hiroto, it felt knew again. He felt clean again, and in love again. And…he felt nervous again. But with one look down at Hiroto’s adorable face, he knew it was right.

He pushed forward, and was immediately met with resistance, but continued. Once the tip of his head was in, he heard and felt Hiroto wince. “You okay?” He asked immediately, not pulling out but not going in either.

Hiroto nodded, eyes tight shut. “Just…go slow. And don’t stop, no matter what,” he replied.

Shou knew that Hiroto was in pain, but he did exactly what he was told. Slowly, he eased his cock in further, never having to go so slow before. He grew impatient, and his body was screaming at him to just slam inside of Hiroto and begin fucking wildly. But he didn’t want to maim his poor love, so slowly he went.

After nearly a minute, he’d made it all the way in. Hiroto’s face was still quite messed up in pain, so Shou reached forward and brushed his fingers against his cheek tenderly. “I’m all the way in,” he whispered.

Hiroto took a deep breath and opened his eyes, looking up at Shou, and grabbed his hand as it brushed his cheek. “It hurts…”

Shou nodded. “I know it does, and if you want me to pull out at any time, I will,” Shou responded kindly.

“Don’t,” Hiroto responded curtly. “Just keep going slow, and be gentle…”

His voice sounded so pained, that Shou almost wanted to pull out himself. But he respected Hiroto’s wishes for him not to, so he started pulling back out, slowly, just as his lover asked.

This was just as difficult to do as it was when he was first going in, but he did it. Very, very slowly, in and out and in and out, letting Hiroto adjust to the feeling of being filled and penetrated. Shou knew it was painful; his first time taking it like this had been excruciating, despite how good he felt from his three and a half ecstasy pills. So he knew, better than anyone, how painful and uncomfortable and alien it can feel.

After a few minutes, Shou began to notice Hiroto becoming more relaxed. His eyes gradually fluttered open, his grip on the sheets loosened, and the look of pain across his face was nearly gone. Then, so silently, Shou heard Hiroto mutter, “Faster.”

Yes, now we’re going. Shou couldn’t help but rejoice inwardly at this command. He picked up speed, not a lot right away, but enough to give a little bit of pleasure to his aching cock.

It really was unbearable for him. After all, Hiroto was so tight, and Shou hadn’t been aroused like this in so incredibly long. The crazed, animalistic side of him was telling him not to care about Hiroto and just ride him raw. But he was able to silence this voice by picking up speed, just a little bit.

Gradually, Hiroto’s quiet moans of pain became breaths and sighs of pleasure, and before long were cries of ecstasy. Shou felt satisfied knowing that he’d gotten Hiroto through the painful beginning, and now they were crossing the waters into bliss.

“Oh! Yes, Shou…harder…” Hiroto whimpered.

Shou obliged, but with a quiet, “Sh!” He was happy to know that Hiroto was feeling so good, but he still didn’t want to be caught by Hiroto’s parents. Or worse, by Tora. Although Shou was pretty sure that Tora wasn’t home, he still wasn’t certain.

Hiroto choked back a cry. “I’m sorry, Shou-kun,” he whispered as he tossed his head back and scratched at Shou’s back and shoulders. “Ugh it just…feels…so good…”

“I know,” Shou breathed. “It feels…really good. But no one can hear us,” he said in a voice even lower than Hiroto’s.

Hiroto’s chest rose and fell heavily and quickly, and beads of sweat fell down his forehead, to his neck and across his chest, which was alight with moon’s rays. “Shou…” He breathed, reached up blindly, trying to pull Shou’s face down to his.

Shou took the hint and lowered his head. “Yes baby?” He asked soothingly, pausing his ministrations for a moment.

Hiroto blinked his eyes open slowly and looked up into Shou’s big, caring ones. “You have no idea,” he whispered breathlessly, “how long I’ve been dying…to have you inside of me.”

The confession was surprising, but only added to Shou’s excitement. He bit his lip and cocked his eyebrow teasingly, then lowered his head even more and began kissing Hiroto’s warm, sweaty neck. “I’m guessing probably about as long as I have, which is pretty much the entire time I’ve known you,” he murmured huskily against Hiroto’s neck, then went back to kissing it as he resumed fucking him.

More stifled cries and whimpers escaped Hiroto’s lips. He’d never felt so good, never wanted to both please and be pleased so badly before. He couldn’t help his hips as they bucked up, begging Shou for more, harder, and faster.

Shou took the hint, and gave Hiroto what he wanted. He was pounding into his lover harder than he thought Hiroto could handle, but he only seemed to be wanting even more. His nails dug into his sweaty skin, but instead of being painful, it added to Shou’s pleasure. He was a slight masochist, and since Hiroto’s nails weren’t sharp or long at all, the little stings felt good.

Hiroto was trying his hardest to keep himself quiet, but it was getting harder and harder as he could feel his climax approaching. At some point, Shou had begun to hit him deep inside so hard that the beginnings of an orgasm could be felt, and he knew then that it wouldn’t be long.

“Ugh…oh baby…I’m so close…” Hiroto whined, trying to keep his voice down but not succeeding so well.

Shou heard this, and could tell by the look on Hiroto’s face, the way his body was going crazy, and the needy sound in his voice that he was close. Immediately, Shou grabbed Hiroto’s cock and began to jerk it, much harder than before. It was covered in pre-cum and so excited, Shou knew he had some catching up to do.

So as he pumped Hiroto’s cock, he began pounding his lover hard. He didn’t want to still be riding him even after Hiroto had come – that would be no fun for either of them. So he was determined to make himself climax with Hiroto. That would make the perfect ending.

Hiroto grew louder and louder, and more and more urgent. His body was writhing and he was choking on his own lack of breath and was so red in the face that he looked like he would explode at any moment. While above him, Shou tried his hardest to keep himself quiet but the instant he felt his orgasm coming, he let out an incredible moan, without letting go of Hiroto’s cock.

And then they felt it – both of them. Hiroto’s hit him just a moment before Shou’s did, but it was basically synchronized. Shou emptied his seed deep inside of Hiroto while Hiroto shot his all over Shou’s hand and stomach. It was the most beautiful, pleasurable moment that either of them had ever felt, they wanted to be there together forever. But it passed, like all things, and before he knew it Shou was pulling out of Hiroto and lying on his back next to him.

Both were silent for a moment, save for heavy breathing. Hiroto immediately felt exhausted, while Shou felt awake and satisfied.

“Baby…” Shou breathed.

“Shou-kun…”

“You okay?”

Hiroto let his eyes fluttered closed. “I’ve never been more okay, ever.” He turned on his side and cuddled up to Shou as Shou pulled the sheets and blankets up over them. It was getting cold, especially since the window was still open, and Shou didn’t want Hiroto to get sick.

“Me too,” Shou replied with a smile, and pulled Hiroto into him, letting the boy get closer than anyone else ever had.

For another moment, there was silence. All that could be heard was, again, the crickets outside, though they were quieting down, just as both of the boys’ breathing had. Then, Hiroto spoke quietly: “Can I say something, Shou?”

Shou nodded, though he knew Hiroto’s eyes were closed. “Of course. Say anything.”

Hiroto swallowed, unsure if what he was about to say would be coming on too strong, or too “gay,” or whatever. But he wanted to say it, for he was undeniably certain of it. “You and I…are meant to be.”

Shou smiled. “We are.”

**

Only once they had made it out of the house entirely and were standing on the front step could Saga breathe a sigh of relief.

Turning to Tora, he said sincerely, “I am so sorry about all that.”

Tora just smiled a small half-smile. “It’s cool. I mean, it was freaky but…at least they weren’t assholes!”

Saga laughed a little. “No, they were quite welcoming, that’s for sure.” For a moment, Saga just stood, staring at Tora. He didn’t know since when, but the strange, poor, peeping Tom of a boy had begun to grow on him.

Is that why I’m still holding his hand?

Upon realizing that their hands were, indeed, still locked tight, even though they were safely outside, Saga immediately pulled away. Not that that explained why he felt it necessary to grab his hand in the first place…

“Well, I guess I should catch a cab home,” Tora said after the silence had begun to get awkward.

Saga shook his head. “No!” He exclaimed, surprising both himself and Tora. “I mean…we have a driver. He can take you home. And I’ll come to make sure he—”

“No, no, it’s cool,” Tora interrupted. “I would prefer a cab, honestly.” He wasn’t being honest by saying this, however. He’d love the chance to save the money and ride in a nice car all the way home with Saga next to him, but he was just far too embarrassed to have him see where he lived. No…he couldn’t let Saga see.

Saga’s face looked a bit hurt, but he nodded. “Alright, if you insist.” He turned around, feeling stupid and defeated. “Have a good night then, and thanks for pretending to be my friend for my parents’ sake.”

But before he could open the door to head back inside, Tora grabbed him by the wrist. “Who’s pretending?” He whispered. He didn’t know what was coming over him, but something was urging him not to let Saga go back inside yet.

Turning around slowly, Saga raised one eyebrow at Tora. “What do you mean?” He asked curiously.

Tora didn’t quite know how to say it, so for a moment, he only stared into Saga’s questioning eyes. “I know I didn’t exactly get on your good side at first, and I’m very sorry. But you don’t need to bribe me with fancy dinners and stuff to get me to be quiet. I won’t tell anyone what I saw, because…”

Say it, just say it.

“…because even though we don’t even know each other very well yet, I don’t want you to get hurt in any way. And I know you rich, society people have reputations you need to keep, so I’m not about to tell anyone about you and Shou.”

Saga’s eyes looked soft, and he couldn’t help but smile a tiny bit. “I appreciate that, Tora-kun,” he whispered. He wouldn’t admit it, but he really was quite touched. His attitude shifted, however, because he couldn’t let Tora believe that he was getting to him. He put his bitchy face back on with just a touch of an overly-confident smile, and retorted with, “I didn’t invite you here as a bribe, by the way. I invited you here so my parents would think I have some friends.”

Tora laughed a bit. “What do you mean? Rich kids like you always have friends.”

Saga shrugged. “Not me. Haven’t really had a real friend since I was in middle school. I think people get freaked out by our incredible wealth.” Although Saga was admitting a very painful truth to Tora, he did so with as much class and dignity as he could.

Tora, however, didn’t buy it. I never would have imagined that someone like Saga would actually be so lonely…

Saga sighed. “And now that you know one of my painful secrets, you should probably go before I spill even more shit that I will regret telling you.” Saga laughed a little at his own joke at himself, trying not to make Tora think he was so pitiful.

Tora simply nodded, understanding that in this case, keeping his mouth shut would be the wisest choice. “Okay, I will go. Thank you for the dinner,” he said politely, bowing a bit. And because he couldn’t stop himself, he added, “You know where I work, you know. I’d be happy to see you…whenever you feel like talking to a friend.”

Saga couldn’t help but smiling wide, though he still tried to hide it by lowering his head a tiny bit to break eye contact with Tora. “Okay, thank you Tora. That means a lot to me,” he responded quietly.

“Good night, Saga,” Tora said as he began to walk down the front path of the house, already hurting from having to walk away from Saga. But he knew he would be seeing him again.

Gay, straight, or whatever the hell I am…I can’t help but feel that Saga’s face won’t soon be leaving my head…

“Good night, Tora-kun,” Saga called after him.

Tora-kun…you really surprised me. I’ve been under Shou’s spell for so long, I failed to see the beauty in anyone else…

Watching the strange boy walk away, Saga couldn’t get the smile off of his face for the life of him. And he didn’t even want to.

It Dreams 6/?

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 12:25:12 GMT

Title: It Dreams
Author: Caitlin
Pairing(s): ShouxHiroto, ShouxSaga, ToraxSaga (later), maybe more to come
Rating: NC-17
Chapter: 6/?
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
Summary: Forbidden love of the innocent-high-school-kidxdrug-dealing-prostitute variety. And other things.
A/N: This chapter is...
violent,
emotional,
sexy,
crazy.
But aren't those all the reasons why we love alice nine. so much? =)
Please enjoy and comment!

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5

Chater Six
"The Meeting of the Hearts"

Shou stopped.

“Shit…” His mouth dropped open as he could barely breathe.

Saga moaned and squirmed a bit beneath him. His eyes were shut tight but he blinked them open as he felt Shou still. “What’s wrong baby?”

Shou didn’t say a word for a moment, just stared ahead of him, mouth hanging open. Then, finally mustering enough sense, he said, “Someone saw.”

Saga shot up at these words. “What?!” He’d been lying down, Shou riding him angrily, lost in ecstasy. But now he could suddenly feel every ounce of pleasure that had been in him being replaced with fear and paranoia. His fingernails dug into Shou’s bare legs as he twisted his head around to look.

There was a large window in the living room that faced out to the front of the house. It was low enough and big enough that if someone was in the front yard – God knows why – they could see through, granted there was enough light. And Saga knew that if someone had been there, it would have been quite easy for him or her to see just what was going on inside.

Although he so didn’t want to, Saga pushed Shou off of him. He’d get blue balls from hell for this but he had to see if someone had been watching them. After all, both he and Shou were fairly well known – him for his money and family, and Shou for his…“occupation,” and things definitely could not be circulating.

Both boys quickly threw on their boxers and scrambled down the hallway to the front door. Shou’s longer legs got him their faster and he thrust open the door without bothering to make sure he didn’t smack Saga in the face with it (which he nearly did).

Their rushing was fruitless however, as even though it was a bit trying to see through the dark of night, both could tell that no one was there. Shou’s breath came fast and visible because it was so cold outside, and he just knew that shit was about to get a lot worse for him.

Whereas Shou was about to rip out his hair and sob, Saga was just straight up pissed. “Hey you sick fuck!” He yelled into the night. “Next time your nasty, perverted ass comes around here, you’re dead!”

The screaming startled and irritated Shou, and he was about to tell Saga to shut up but was caught off guard by the way his sweaty chest tightened and expanded as he screamed. Shou cocked his eyebrow. It kind of turned him on.

No! Get your head out of the gutter! He shook his head. This was no time to be distracted. Someone catching them in that position truly was a problem. Maybe not so much for him, but for Saga. Although, if it was who Shou was almost positive it was, then Hiroto might—

“You sure you saw someone?” Saga asked, breath short, snapping Shou out of his thoughts.

Shou blinked, eyes redirecting themselves to Saga’s angry face, flushed red from anger, the cold, and the remnants of passion. “I’m positive, Saga-kun. Someone was creeping, right there.” He pointed across the yard a ways to the large front window.

Saga’s face remained contorted in anger. “Damn. If I knew who that assfuck was, I’d destroy him.”

Shou paused, not sure if what he was about to say would be the best thing to do. “I…am pretty sure I know who it was.”

Saga’s eyes widened. “What? Tell me!”

He didn’t know if telling Saga would come back to bite him in the ass, or worse – pose a problem for Hiroto and his family, since Saga seemed pretty damn upset at the moment. But it was too late now; he’d opened his mouth and couldn’t take it back.

“…Tora.”

Saga just blinked. “Who the hell is Tora?” But before Shou could even begin to explain, Saga’s eyes spotted something on the front lawn behind Shou.

“Umm…”

“Hang on,” Saga’s body followed his eyes to the curious object on the ground. But he knew what it was before, and suddenly everything hit him at once.

Shou followed Saga over to where he’d discovered something, and watched as he bent down to pick it up. It appeared to be…a wallet? He laughed a little. “Why the hell is your wallet out here?” Shou asked.

Saga just stared down at the wallet in his hand, then turned around to face Shou slowly, eyes full of understanding mixed in with the anger. “I lost my wallet. I’ve been looking for it all day.”

“So…you dropped your wallet in the front lawn? That’s kinda careless—”

“No!” Saga exclaimed. “I…didn’t drop this here.”

Shou was confused. “Huh? So if you didn’t, then who did?”

Saga licked his lips and gripped his wallet tightly. “That konbini kid from earlier.”

He paused.

“…Tora.”

**

Dreams melted and dissipated as consciousness was forced quickly into him. Faraway words grew louder and more understandable as he blinked his tired eyes open.

His older brother was standing over him, screaming. The room was still dark, and Hiroto was confused.

“—don’t have a clue what the fuck you’re thinking, making friends with people who invite you to shady clubs and give you alcohol, then you go meet this sick Shou kid?!”

Hiroto was lost. A moment ago he’d been peacefully asleep when suddenly his body jumped awake when his bedroom door was slammed open and Tora came barging in, yelling about something or other.

He looked up, dazed, into his brother’s angry eyes. “…What?” He asked through a yawn.

Tora stopped stomping around the bedroom and stared down at Hiroto. His eyes were wide and horrifying. Hiroto had never seen his older brother so angry about anything before. “What the hell is your problem? Are you some kind of sick fag too?!”

Now Hiroto was completely awake. He threw the blankets off of him and sat up in bed, ready to defend himself and whoever else he needed to. “Tora, just calm down and tell me what—”

“No!” Tora screamed. “Don’t fucking tell me to calm down when you’re out doing shit like this!”

“Hey!” Hiroto screamed back, standing up out of bed to get right up in his brother’s face. “Why don’t you tell me what the hell you think you’re talking about? I’ve been in bed, obviously, all fucking night!”

Tora was a bit startled to see his tiny younger brother stand up to him, but after a moment his surprise was overtaken by a greater anger at Hiroto’s defiance. “I’m talking about you making friends with these fucking fags!”

Hiroto blinked. “Who?!” Tora still wasn’t making sense.

“That nasty homo Shou!” Tora made Shou’s name sound like the ugliest word in the world, the way it was spat out viciously.

Hiroto startled at the mention of Shou’s name, and he suddenly realized how loud they were being. “Shh! Mom will hear, what’s your problem?” He lowered his voice, hoping that Tora would follow his lead.

But it didn’t work. The older brother was already so upset that nothing would quiet him or slow him down at this point. “Don’t fucking tell me to be quiet, you little piece of shit! And you obviously don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. Mom’s fucking passed out drunk!”

Hiroto stopped, his thoughts interrupted. “What? Mom never drinks.”

Tora laughed a little. “You dipshit. She’s been drinking like an alcoholic for the past few months now. Maybe you’d actually know how this family works if you spent less time with your slutty, drug-upped, gay friends—”

And that was enough for Hiroto. “Stop! Don’t fucking say that shit about Shou!”

“What, are you in love with him or something?” Tora’s face held a maniacal grin that pierced Hiroto even through the darkness. “Well guess what? You’re little gay lover was fucking another guy tonight!”

Hiroto could nearly feel his heart stop beating. There was a sudden lump in his throat and he didn’t know how long he could keep the tears from falling. “…What?”

Despite the pain he could see on his little brother’s face, Tora was pleased with himself. “Don’t believe me? Ask him, seriously. He’s a fucking whore and a fag and if he reels you in and fucks with your head like the disgusting homo he is, don’t expect me to care.”

Hiroto snapped. “Don’t fucking ever talk about Shou like that!” With all of his strength, he shoved his older, larger brother, just wanting him to die.

Tora was entirely caught off guard as he was suddenly pushed backward into a wall, hard, by his little brother. The wind was knocked out of him but he recovered, immediately seeing red again. He cursed Hiroto as he recovered and unable to stop himself, he reached forward and grabbed a fistful of Hiroto’s long hair, emitting a cry from his little brother, and knocked him backward onto his bed.

“Stop!” Hiroto screamed as the pain of his hair being pulled hard from his scalp was overwhelming him.

“It’s not my fucking fault—” Tora’s anger came out in short breaths and barely audible words as he leaned over Hiroto and punched him in the eye, “—that you go around making friends with the most fucked up psychos! And you don’t even have any idea—” he punched Hiroto again as his little brother began to cry, this time in the nose, “—what kind of problems that will cause our family!”

Hiroto just laid beneath him, trying to get his brother off of him. He’d never had such a violent encounter with Tora before, and that combined with the things he’d been saying about Shou were making him scream and cry like he hadn’t in years.

Tora stopped himself when he saw how heavy the tears flowed from his little brother’s eyes. Though he was still incredibly angry, he couldn’t just punch Hiroto in the face all night. He stood up and clenched his fists, which were a bit numb. He didn’t look at Hiroto, sobbing and clutching his face on his bed, but instead turned and walked out of the room. But before he closed the door behind him, he said, loud enough so that Hiroto could hear him over his crying, “Just stop fucking up, while you still have the chance to turn out okay.”

But these words barely penetrated Hiroto. He laid still in his bed, unable to stop crying. Unable to believe what had just happened. And unable to believe how things had gotten this way so quickly.

Shou…please tell me it isn’t true.

**

The night had picked up once Shou and Saga had both calmed down. It did take two movies, take-out, and a nice massage for Saga to stop being so angry, but after he did, his earlier passion had returned. However, they decided to go up to Saga’s bedroom on the third floor, since they were both so paranoid about being seen again.

Saga had told Shou he could leave while he was still upset, but something in Shou didn’t want to leave. He didn’t know if he didn’t want Saga to be alone, or if he himself didn’t want to be alone, but he stuck around. And he was glad he did, since Saga ended up paying him handsomely for staying until 5:30 in the morning with him. But Shou knew Saga would have paid him anyway.

Shou also brought up something he’d noticed that had him a bit confused; Saga hadn’t requested Shou to give him anything except sex for the past few days, and when he asked him about this, Saga simply replied, “My parents are returning home for a week or so, and I don’t wanna be all drugged out when they get here. Not that they’d notice.”

And Shou had simply left it at that.

But when he reached his apartment early that morning, he’d wished he hadn’t. For there was nothing more he needed than just a little bit more money.

As if the night hadn’t been long and nerve-wracking enough, his whole world fell to pieces when he saw the piece of paper on the front door of his apartment, with the shameful word “Evicted” written on it.

He stared at it for a good five minutes, unable to believe it. He even tried unlocking the door, but the lock had been changed and that sealed his fate.

He was now officially homeless.

But he couldn’t give up just yet. He rushed back downstairs and reached the apartment manager’s office in about five seconds, heart beating in his ears and running on fumes from being up through the stressful night. And now this.

It was barely 6, and Shou wasn’t sure if the manager would even be up. But he was relieved as he opened the door and saw the old man sitting behind his desk with a warm cup of coffee in his hand, reading some old person magazine.

The manager looked up and smiled crookedly when he saw who had come in. “You alive?”

Shou was taken aback, and a bit pissed off by the comment. “What? What is that supposed to mean?”

The manager just laughed. “I don’t know what to think of you, kid. You will be away from here for weeks at a time, and we all think you’re dead. Then you mysteriously show up just in time to pay the rent and shower. Then you’re gone again.”

Shou really wasn’t in the mood to hear more criticism about his lifestyle. “Yeah well I don’t see why that means you have to kick me out.”

“Didn’t pay this month,” the manager said curtly, looking back to his magazine and sipping his coffee.

Shou’s mouth fell open just a bit. “Well I’ve been out—” He stopped when he realized this argument wouldn’t help his case. He sighed and put on his most pleading face. “Can’t I just give it to you now?”

Looking up from his magazine with interest, the manager set down his coffee mug. “You have it now?” He asked.

Shou paused. He wished he’d worded that differently. “Um, well…” he stammered, “By ‘now’ I mean like…tomorrow?”

The manager laughed. “You kidding? It was due last week! Don’t know where the hell you were. Sleeping in someone else’s bed maybe.”

Shou nearly lost it at this comment, but managed to bite his tongue. “Just because I have to work doesn’t mean I don’t still consider this my home,” he said, voice tight with restraint. He stared out the window so he didn’t give the manager his most evil stare which he so wanted to do.

“Well, if I were you, I wouldn’t consider it your home anymore,” his manager replied, sounding as much like a smart ass as he could.

And these were the words that set him off. “You know what?” Shou exclaimed, giving up on trying to avoid eye contact, “You’re right. I am a whore. I fuck anyone I can because I need to. I need to be able to support myself, and get money so I can pay this ridiculous rent!” He was seething, and his manager was staring back at him, wide-eyed, but he didn’t give a damn anymore. “And you’re also right about me never even being here. Why the hell should I pay for this when I find just as much comfort on park benches, or bus shelters, or – like you said – in someone else’s bed?” Shou knew that the manager was thisclose to calling the cops, so taking his last breath, he whispered, with his most sincere grin, “You can take your ghetto ass apartment, and shove it.” And with that, he slammed the door, momentarily proud and satisfied.

His pride melted away, however, when he stepped outside into the cold. The sun was coming up, so at least it wasn’t nighttime anymore. But Shou now truly had nowhere he could go.

He dug his cell phone out of his pocket and flipped it open. His fingers were shaking from the cold as he searched through his number for the only one that wasn’t used for business – his mother.

A huge part of him was yelling at him not to call her, that it would be a waste. But before he could change his mind, he pressed the call button and held the phone to his ear.

He shivered, from cold and anticipation, as the phone rang six times before someone picked up.

“Hello?” Came a very groggy voice.

“Uh, hi Mom!” Shou greeted as enthusiastically as he could.

There was silence on the other line. Then, “Why the fuck are you calling me?”

Shou chose his words carefully, since he was in such a tight situation. “I know it’s early, and I’m so sorry, I hope I didn’t wake you up—”

“I’ve been up all night,” she interrupted. Her voice sounded strained and tired, but more than anything it held loathing. “I didn’t mean, why are you calling me this early. I mean, why the hell are you calling me at all?”

These words pierced Shou’s heart, but he tried to look past them. Because at this point, he needed help. “I just…wanted to know if I could see you. I miss you, and Taka-chan.”

His mother laughed. “You haven’t ‘missed’ us in months. You really expect me to believe that you aren’t just out of options and calling me as a last resort?”

Shou wanted to start crying. His mother was right. He was absolutely right and he couldn’t even deny it, so he just kept quiet.

His mother cleared her throat on the other line, and came at him with words confident and vicious. “Look kid. You fucked up, and pretty much disowned us. Why the hell would I want to see your sick face?” She paused, then continued, voice much quieter. “You’re dead to me. And you’re dead to Taka. You have no right to be around him, let alone even dare to call him your little brother anymore. You’re just…dead.”

Long after his mother had hung up on him, Shou still held the phone to his ear. He was frozen, from the cold and the pain and the disbelief. Never had his mother said words so vicious to him. Even when he’d said similar things to her, she didn’t even say anything back. But now it was his turn.

He had no plan. He had no home. He had almost no money. And he didn’t know when any of this would change.

**

Never had Hiroto had such a painful week. Never had he felt the incredible malaise of waiting for one moment to end just to loathe the next one. And never had he felt his heart break before he could even understand what was happening.

Every class felt bleak, every conversation felt meaningless. He was numb to it all. Hell, he’d even been a hot topic of conversation again for coming to school on Tuesday with yet another busted face thanks to Tora, and he didn’t care. He couldn’t muster enough energy to care about much of anything.

He hadn’t heard a word from Shou, or seen a glimpse of him, since they’d been together Monday night. Part of him was hoping each afternoon that he would show up outside the school again, just so he could truly find out what was going on – the guys chasing them from the restaurant, the things Tora had claimed, and Shou’s general mysteriousness was ripping apart him apart, piece by piece.

But more than anything, he wanted Shou to show up simply because he wanted to see him again.

He hadn’t been able to talk to anyone about it, not even Nao. If Nao thought that Hiroto might be gay, he didn’t know what would happen. Of course they were best friends, but it was such a shocking thing…even Hiroto didn’t quite believe or understand what was happening to him either.

And he became angry and hateful, since he was unable to even speak a word about the incredible turmoil and confusion and utter sadness that was brewing inside of him. He wanted to know what made Shou think he had the right to do everything he’d done. Not even bother to tell him…anything! And just disappearing, not trying to contact Hiroto again for any reason…was just another thing that Shou didn’t care enough to explain to him.

Maybe Tora had been right. Shou was messing with his head. He barely knew the guy and he already felt totally jaded. Totally used up and forgotten.

Fridays for Hiroto usually meant freedom, however he couldn’t honestly say he was anticipating the weekend. In fact, he was dreading it. It only meant more time for him to sit around and think about how hurt he was. At least school was a momentary distraction.

He dragged himself slowly through the front doors and down the front steps of school, ignoring someone or other who was trying to say something or other to him. He didn’t care. He hadn’t cared for the past few days.

His body moved slowly and his bag felt heavy on his shoulder, while his tie seemed to be suffocating him. He could have tripped and fallen, and he wouldn’t have even bother to stand up.

He heard a bunch of girly squeals as he reached the sidewalk, and didn’t want to bother to look up. But something told him to, and when he did, his heart stopped.

Shou was standing on the sidewalk, just a little bit away, staring at Hiroto. He’d finally reappeared, looking more filthy and unkempt than usual, and had been waiting for him.

Hiroto’s knees immediately went weak. He’d been waiting for the past few days for the moment when he could just tell Shou to fuck off and walk away from him, but now that the moment had finally come, he couldn’t do it. He was glued to the spot and even as Shou began walking toward him, he couldn’t tear his gaze away from Shou’s beautiful face.

“Hey,” Shou greeted casually as he reached Hiroto.

At the nonchalant greeting, Hiroto’s heart jumped to life again. The deep, sexy voice made him want to surrender himself right away. But he refused to be that easy. He looked away painfully, and replied just as casually, “Hey.”

Shou could tell that Hiroto was being cold though. He figured that he had every right to be. “I’m sorry I’ve been gone for the past few days, some things just came up…”

Hiroto shrugged, still not looking into Shou’s eyes. “Whatever. It’s not like you’re my boyfriend or something.” These words had sounded so much meaner in his head, but when he spoke them, they just sounded gay and immature.

But Shou didn’t receive it that way. He was hurt by Hiroto’s iciness. “Hiroto, don't be like that. Please look at me,” he begged. He was at his wits’ end and had been wanting to see Hiroto every moment for the past 72 hours. Now that he’d finally made it to him, he was greeted like this…

Hiroto sighed and finally looked up into Shou’s eyes. They held sadness and exhaustion, and Hiroto softened. Obviously, something had happened…but then he remembered. He remembered what Tora had said Shou had done. He remembered the men chasing them. He remembered Shou vanishing without a trace. And he remembered Shou not even bothering to explain any of it. And still, as he stood there with huge, pleading eyes, he still didn’t even care enough to give an explanation. But even if he had tried, he was doubtful if he’d even listen at this point.

And even with Shou giving him the saddest look, Hiroto rejected it. “I don’t want to look at you, Shou,” he said coldly. “I know what you did. I know you were fucking some other guy.” Hiroto voice was shaky, as he’d never been so blunt and horrible to someone else before, but he refused to feel like such a loser anymore. “And I wouldn’t even be surprised if you really are some kind of whore. What surprises me is that you even showed up. That you even cared enough to come here and see me, although you haven’t been around for three whole days.” Hiroto couldn’t believe some of the things he was saying, but he certainly couldn’t stop now. He’d started, and not finishing would make it all meaningless. “I don’t even know what kind of man you really are. But I don’t think I want to know.”

Shou felt like he’d just been shot through the heart. He couldn’t help tears as they formed in his eyes. He didn’t care that it was broad daylight, and that Hiroto was there, and that so many people seemed to be watching. He’d had the hardest week he’d ever experienced, and all he wanted was to be with Hiroto. But Hiroto was beyond forgiveness now. Tora had certainly told Hiroto, and maybe Hiroto had even heard things from other people. Shou didn’t know, but he wanted nothing more than to just undo all of it and hold the boy his wanted most in his arms, run his fingers through his silky hair, kiss his face all over…

But Hiroto turned to walk away.

“Wait! Please,” Shou called, lunging forward and grabbing Hiroto’s arm. “Please let me just—”

“Explain?” Hiroto interrupted. “That’d be a first.” He yanked his arm out of Shou’s grip. “I told you, I don’t even wanna know, Shou.” He adjusted his bag as it began falling down his shoulder, than said as he turned to walk away again, “Just leave me alone.”

Shou was really crying now, and he couldn’t let him get away. “Hiroto, please stop!” He ran ahead of Hiroto, blocking him, eyes big, pleading, and overflowing with tears. He grabbed both of Hiroto’s shoulders this time, trying to make him listen. “I need you to—”

“Don’t fucking touch me!” Hiroto screamed as he shoved Shou off of him, just the way he’d shoved Tora, as hard as he could. “Don’t ever touch me again!” Hiroto didn’t know what had come over him, but seeing Shou begging, and trying so hard when he hadn’t even given a damn for so long, just angered him. Made me feel that Shou was just one big, lying, hypocritical whore. And he didn’t want to look at him, let alone even know him, anymore.

Shou had no choice but to surrender. He bit his lip as he watched Hiroto walk away from him through blurry eyes. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried, and it was so painful that it made him remember why he’d chosen drugs and alcohol over dealing with these horrible emotions in the first place. He remembered why inducing fake happiness was so much easier than handing true pain.

He held his head in his hands, not aware of the people on the sidewalk staring at him, or the cars driving past, with the passengers gazing curiously. The world was forgotten, because the only important person in it had just walked away.

“Hiroto…I’m so sorry…Hiroto please come back to me…”

**

4 o’clock…six entire fucking hours before I can go home. The thought was so depressing that Tora found himself searching through his memory for why he’d wanted to get a job in the first place. He knew though that if he ever wanted to move out of his parents’ apartment he would at least need some money. But unfortunately he knew that he wouldn’t have nearly enough for quite awhile.

He sighed. “Fuck my shitty life.”

But just as he cursed himself, the little bell above the door rang to indicate that a customer had come in. The first one in over an hour. And despite the fact that Tora felt comfort in not being alone, he really didn’t feel like dealing with another idiot.

Until he realized who had just graced his presence.

“Good afternoon,” Saga said politely when he spotted Tora behind the counter. He removed his oversized sunglasses, which he hadn’t done last time, to show some kind of courtesy. Even though he didn’t feel much like being courteous.

“Uh…hi there,” Tora stammered. Why was Saga there? Was he going to kick his ass or something? Tora didn’t even know if he knew for sure that he’d seen him with Shou, but he had his guard up just in case. Saga was skinnier than Tora but he looked like a scrappy fighter. Plus, he had quite a lot of money, and could probably hire someone to kill him. Hell, maybe he could even hire Shou to kill him. This thought made Tora giggle a little bit.

Saga blinked. “Why are you laughing?” He asked, face very serious.

Tora stopped and cleared his throat. “Oh nothing, nothing. So…what’s up?” He asked, trying as hard as he could to be cool and cover up how inexplicably excited and nervous he was to see Saga there.

Saga licked his lips and looked away from Tora’s eyes, as if he was trying to say something that he didn’t really want to. “I am here to thank you for finding my wallet and…returning it.”

Tora’s heart stopped beating. Oh damn, he really does know I was there! He didn’t know what to say, so he just kept silent and nodded. He’d never been in such an awkward situation before, he felt as if he was being called out for being a perverted creep indirectly. He hadn’t even meant to leave the wallet lying in the front lawn, but he knew that if he tried to go back and get it after he’d dropped it, they’d catch him for sure. They nearly almost did.

When Tora didn’t say anything, Saga continued. “My parents are in town, possibly for the only time this year, and would like to invite you over for dinner tonight as a thank you.” He put his sunglasses back on his face as he said, “You know how to get to my house…correct?” He cocked an eyebrow at Tora, and though the sunglasses were quite large, he could see Saga’s expression clearly.

“Uh…yeah, I think I can get there,” Tora responded meekly. He fiddled with the hem of his uniform shirt, wondering why Saga was doing this so suddenly, but he was also somewhat intrigued.

“Good,” Saga said. He turned around to head back out the door, calling out behind him, “8 o’clock, don’t be late!”

Tora paused. “Uh, I don’t get off till…” but Saga was gone. “Damn,” he cursed. His shift didn’t end until 10, and then he had to get there and…

Maybe I just shouldn’t go, it’s probably a trap or something anyway. He argued back and forth in his mind. He knew he shouldn’t. He knew he should just finish his shift and then go home. But something about Saga was calling to him, luring him, and he couldn’t say no.

He pulled his cell phone from his pocket, flipped it open, and dialed his manager’s number.

“Hello?”

“Hello, manager-san,” Tora greeted. He already had a lie all conjured up, and put on his most bullshittiest tone he could for it. “I’m so sorry but I really need to go right now, my mother got in a car accident and I need to get to the hospital to make sure she’s alright and…uh…sign some papers and stuff.”

He could tell his manager wasn’t happy, but he’d never called in sick or left his shift early, so he knew his manager couldn’t say no. “Alright, I will call Nishite-kun and have him come in for you.”

And with that, Tora would be sharing an unforgettable evening with Saga.

**

Hiroto flipped carelessly through his favorite manga. It used to bring him pleasure to read it over and over, but now it seemed so played out and used up.

Like me.

He sighed as he sat up in his bed, leaned his back against the wall, and tossed the manga across the room somewhere. It was past midnight and he’d been trying to sleep for awhile now, but sleep wouldn’t come. The scene from earlier with Shou had been playing and replaying in his head, and it made his heart hurt. He felt that he’d been too cruel. He felt that he should have allowed Shou to just explain.

“But he didn’t even bother to give me a break. Why the hell should he get one?” Hiroto asked the dark, empty room. He sighed and closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the wall. He knew that he would feel better if he could just get some sleep, but he couldn’t. His head and his heart were so fucked up, not to mention…

“Who the hell is screaming at this hour?” A loud yelling could be heard from just outside, and it was starting to bug him. He leaned over and moved the blinds to see who was making all that noise. It took a moment for his eyes to believe it, but when he realized that it was true, his breath caught in his throat.

Shou was standing on the sidewalk in front of the apartment building, screaming. Screaming “Hiroto!” and “Please!” and “Sorry!” and maybe some other things.

Hiroto stared down at him for a minute. What the hell is he thinking? Is this really happening? He moved away from the window and sat back on his bed for a moment. Shaking his head, he said to himself, “Fine.”

He put on his slippers and his jacket and quietly made his way out of the apartment and down the three flights of stairs. In his mind he was playing over what he should say, but he knew even before he got to Shou that he wouldn’t be able to say it right.

Hiroto was hesitant as he walked out of the building to Shou. He looked unstable, wobbling around.

“Shou?” Hiroto called quietly.

Shou looked around for a moment before he saw Hiroto just a few feet in front of him. His eyes widened and he smiled. “Hiroto! You’re here…”

“Sh!” Hiroto shushed, as Shou had screamed his name at the top of his lungs when he saw him.

But Shou just ignored him and rushed forward, wrapping his arms around Hiroto. “I’m so sorry,” he sobbed. “I’m so so so sorry…” His words fizzled out as he buried his face in Hiroto’s neck.

Hesitantly, Hiroto hugged him back. It was going against everything he’d wanted to achieve by icing Shou earlier, but in this moment, he knew that Shou needed his forgiveness. He was an absolute mess; he reeked of alcohol and was yelling and crying outside of his apartment in the middle of the night…

He needs me.

“Please let me explain, I will tell you everything,” Shou whispered against Hiroto’s skin. He tightened his hold around Hiroto, hoping beyond hope that he might be able to make him understand.

Hiroto nodded, and pulled away from Shou. “Alright,” he responded quietly. He grabbed Shou’s cold hand, and said simply, “Come inside.”

Not a Fic Post

Wed, 11 Mar 2009 09:18:46 GMT

Yay I changed the layout (kinda T_T) for the first time since I've had this journal -- nine months.

There's a song by Alexz Johnson from the Canadian show Instant Star called "Ultraviolet" that I love. Also, I love the kick-ass movie Ultraviolet. So I did an ultraviolet theme. With Hiroto because when I came across this picture of him it screamed "ultraviolet" or "sun" or something.

Honestly the banner kinda looks like shit because...I haven't done any Photoshopping in months (>.<)~ so I may change it up a bit as I progressively begin to hate it more and more.

Scan credit goes to zero_dice ~~(I'm pretty sure?). Thank you dear :3~~

Changed the banner. Fucking hated it. I embarrassed myself.

Also...

Today (Wednesday, March 11th, 2009) is my birthday!

Honestly, I don't wanna be 19 but whatever...

Please send Caitlin many "Happy Birthday" texts and kisses =)

P.S. -- It's a full moon on my birthday. Should I take this as a good or bad thing? =\

It Dreams 5/?

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 05:51:46 GMT

Title: It Dreams
Author: Caitlin
Pairing(s): ShouxHiroto, ShouxSaga, ToraxSaga (later), maybe more to come
Rating: NC-17
Chapter: 5/?
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
Summary: Forbidden love of the innocent-high-school-kidxdrug-dealing-prostitute variety. And other things.

A/N: This chapter is sexy and smutty. Which means I automatically like it.
I hope everyone likes it too.
Comments = appreciation = more writing :]

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4

Chater Five
"The Ring of Fire"

Hiroto’s breath caught in his throat and his skin erupted in goose bumps. He felt Shou’s lips move from his own and down to his jaw before settling on the sensitive skin of his neck. “Shou…” He couldn’t help but moan, his body was turning to jell-o. His eyelids fluttered and his heart was pounding. Shou was pressing his body harder and harder against him, exploring his back and sides with his strong, capable hands, and the tickling, arousing feeling of his tongue on Hiroto’s neck made him want to scream. “Shou…Shou I’m…”

Shou detached his mouth from Hiroto’s neck, but didn’t move his head. “What’s wrong?” He whispered.

Hiroto was so humiliated, and he wasn’t sure if he should even tell Shou, but the older man would likely be able to tell at any moment anyway. “I’m…uh…” He pulled away from Shou as Shou pulled away from him, and as their eyes met, he motioned downward with his head.

Confused, Shou looked down. They were still in the same little spot that they had been hiding from the men who were chasing them, so it was dark and Shou couldn’t really see. But he had a feeling he knew what Hiroto wanted to tell him. He looked back up at Hiroto with a crooked smile, eyes mischievous. “Are you…hard, Hiroto-kun?”

Hiroto shut his eyes and looked away. “I’m so sorry!” He exclaimed.

But Shou simply laughed and grabbed Hiroto’s chin, pulling his face back to look at him. “Don’t say you’re sorry…” Shou whispered in a seductive voice, leaning down and setting his forehead against Hiroto’s, lips mere centimeters apart. “I like it…”

Hiroto swallowed. He’d never been in such a sexual situation – hell, he’d never been in any kind of sexual situation, period – and it was such a new, confusing, nerve-wracking, exciting thing. He felt Shou kiss him again, briefly, before parting their lips again.

But Hiroto didn’t even get a moment to catch his breath before he suddenly felt pressure down south. “Ah!” He exclaimed, both from surprise and ecstasy. He couldn’t see to be sure, but he could tell that Shou had begun rubbing his erection through his pants.

He knew he should stop it. He knew he should say no and demand that Shou tell him why they were being chased earlier, just what kind of shady shit he’s involved in, and then demand that he apologize and take him home. But he couldn’t even form logical thoughts, much less words and sentences.

Hiroto moaned as his whole body began filling up with ecstasy. With Shou’s left hand rubbing his aching crotch through the stifling material of his uniform pants, and his right hand running soothingly up and down his back, and his mouth back on his neck, Hiroto had never felt such a great physical pleasure in his life. He didn’t know how long he would be able to stay so calm.

Shou made small kissing and sucking noises against Hiroto’s neck as he devoured the skin. He knew he was driving little Hiroto wild, and he loved it. He paused for a moment to whisper in Hiroto’s ear, “Do you like it?”

Hiroto’s breathing was heavy, head thrown back against the cold church wall, but he managed to answer. “Yes Shou…I love it.”

“You love it?” Shou smiled against Hiroto’s neck.

“More…”

He hadn’t meant for it to happen, but the gorgeous boy’s cries for more were beginning to make him hard too. Which was a huge compliment in Hiroto’s favor, since Shou had had so much sex in his life so far that he was very picky about what was able to truly arouse him. But this situation was one of the most genuinely arousing situations that he could even remember being in. Maybe because I actually give a damn about him…?

Shou didn’t want to say or do anything that might scare Hiroto, so he played it cool. “You want more, Hiroto-kun?” He asked enticingly. “What do you want?”

Hiroto couldn’t even answer. His body began writhing with Shou’s strong arm wrapped around him, the other doing wonders to his throbbing hard-on. He could only whimper and whine.

Seeing the boy who him made him crazy going crazy as well made Shou smile even more, making him feel confident and sexy. Slowly, not even sure if it would be a good idea, Shou snaked his right hand from around Hiroto’s back to just a few inches underneath his shirt, tickling the bare skin of his stomach. “Would you like me to—”

Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Shou’s phone began ringing.

Perfect-fucking-timing.

He wanted to ignore it. No – he wanted to take it out of his pocket and throw it in the street under a moving car so he could stay here and touch Hiroto more, and maybe go further…but he couldn’t. He couldn’t ignore his phone, ever. The only calls he ever got on it were business. And the business was his whole life.

Well, that and Hiroto, as of lately.

It was so painful to push himself up off of Hiroto, to back away from him and see the disappointment in his eyes. But he simply had to answer.

But hell, he sure didn’t want to; it was Saga.

“Hello, Saga-kun,” Shou answered unhappily.

Giggling could be heard coming from the other end, and then a very happy sounding voice drawled out, “Shouuuuuuuu,” as if trying to be taunting. Or annoying. “Come play with me Shou, I’m so looooonley…”

Shou sighed and rolled his eyes. “Have you been drinking?”

In response, Saga only giggled, revealing his guilt.

Shou didn’t want to go. He’d never wanted to not go more than anything in his life. As he gazed in front of his at Hiroto, with his innocent face flushed red and his hair messy and his eyes full of longing, showing him that they were ready for anything, Shou just wanted to grab him and—

“Shou! Damn you,” Saga growled into the phone when Shou didn’t say anything.

He didn’t want to. God, he so didn’t want to. Alas…

“Alright, I’ll be there in a bit.”

He could hear Saga giggling in triumph as he hung up the phone. But the look on poor Hiroto’s face was much more concerning. He reached forward and grabbed Hiroto’s hand, pulling him out from the corner and looked into his face so sincerely, and simply said, “I’m sorry.”

Hiroto nodded as if he was okay with it, but his eyes held hurt. “It’s okay Shou-kun; I don’t know what I was thinking anyway.” He pulled his hand away from Shou’s and began walking down the church steps, back into the rain, which had turned into a light mist by now.

But Shou was not accepting this answer. “Hang on,” he said as he flew down the steps, catching up with Hiroto in an instant. “What do you mean by that?”

Hiroto shrugged and didn’t move his gaze from the sidewalk in front of him as he continued strolling down it, not knowing if he was going in the right direction anyway. “I just don’t do this kind of thing, that’s all.” He stopped walking for a moment and decided to cross the street, although he really didn’t know if that would take him the right way either. “I…have pretty much only one friend, and we’re kind of the school nerds. I’m not rich, I—”

“Hey!” Shou had to stop his self-defeating rambling. He grabbed his arm and turned him violently to face him. “I don’t care what your stupid little high school thinks of you. Once you get out of there, you’ll realize what bullshit it all was anyway.” Shou was dying to get that pain out of Hiroto’s eyes. Somehow he’d gone from flying high all the way back down to shitty little Earth in just a few moments. But he refused to ever let this boy be in pain.

Hiroto looked ambivalent, trying his hardest to avoid Shou’s pleading gaze. “It’s not even that. I’m just not the type who really…hangs out or goes on dates or kisses…” He seemed to be trying to explain something that was too embarrassing to tell.

However, Shou found it endearing. How did I seem to fall for a kid who’s my exact opposite? He reached around Hiroto and pulled him into a hug, surprising the younger boy. They were standing, embracing, in the middle of the street but Shou didn’t even give a damn. “I don’t care what people say about you, and I will try my hardest not to let it affect you.” He shut his eyes as he delightfully felt Hiroto wrap his arms around him back. “I knew from the moment I first saw you, all bloody and scared, that I wanted to be in your life, at any cost.” He didn’t know what Hiroto would think of these words, but he couldn’t stop now. “And now I feel as if I want to bring you into my world and show you everything that you’ve been missing out on, because you deserve to be carefree sometimes, just like every other 16-year-old.” He could feel Hiroto gripping his shirt just as he had before, could feel him wanting to come even closer to Shou, and it made his heart melt. He sighed and with a low voice admitted, “Hiroto-kun…I’ve never wanted anyone as much—”

Honk! Honk! A car horn sounded suddenly and lights flashed brightly and for an instant all Hiroto could see as he pulled away from Shou in shock was a massive bright illumination. But a second later he was safe, in Shou’s arms again, standing shaking on the side of the road with the car whizzing by, the driver yelling profanities at the two of them.

He breathed heavily, stunned and horrified and relieved all at once. He looked up at Shou’s flushed face with a heaving chest as he breathed, “Why?”

Shou tilted his head as his arms remained locked around Hiroto. “You okay, Hiroto-kun?”

But Hiroto only began to laugh. “Why…why does it feel so dangerous when I’m with you?” He couldn’t help as he began to laugh, becoming hysterical from the relief of being saved from the car. He felt embarrassed but the chuckles kept coming out and he couldn’t stop the enormous grin that spread across his face.

Shou smiled and laughed a bit too. He pulled Hiroto closer so their bodies were almost flush against each other and whispered, “This is my world, Hiroto.” He tenderly brushed some hair out of Hiroto’s eyes as he continued, “And I want you to be a part of it. No matter how dangerous, I will always protect you.”

Hiroto stopped laughing as he took Shou’s words in. He didn’t know what he was in for with this man, and every twist and turn seemed to hold yet another alarming surprise…but there was something about Shou that prevented him from walking away. Something that kept him glued to his side and his heart in his hands.

Shou knew that by Hiroto’s silence, he understood. He unwrapped his arms from around Hiroto and grabbed his hand, saying, “Come on, let’s get you home.” He and the younger boy walked down the dark, wet street, away from the church, for a moment before Shou flagged down a taxi the instant it rounded the corner.

The taxi ride was silent, save for Hiroto telling the driver his address, and so painful with the middle seat separating the two. Hiroto couldn’t stop replaying what had just happened at the church, and in the street…he didn’t want to think perverted thoughts about another guy but he couldn’t help becoming aroused again just at the thought of Shou kissing him all over, and touching him, and he had to utilize his entire willpower to keep himself from getting yet another boner right there and then in the taxi.

Just as they passed the shop where they had eaten earlier, Shou yelled out for the taxi driver to stop. Hiroto was confused, as he watched Shou run swiftly into the restaurant, but understood as he emerged, holding Hiroto’s heavy school bag. He bit his lip and smiled slightly.

He really cares…

Once back in the taxi, Shou watched the rain drizzling gracefully, almost stopping, and wanted to rip his heart out at the thought of having to leave the boy he was falling for so hard to go sleep with another. It made him want to cry, to change his ways, to be legitimate and create a good life so he could properly and legally support himself and Hiroto. But he couldn’t…he didn’t believe he had the intelligence, or the ability, or the confidence, to do things the “right” way. It was too hard to be honest.

But he makes me want to change…

As the taxi driver pulled up in front of Hiroto’s apartment complex, Shou told him to stay in his seat as he got out and went around the car, opening the door for the boy and handing him his school bag.

This random act of chivalry made Hiroto’s heart pound. He smiled, cheeks turning to a singed red as he looked into Shou’s shining eyes. “Thank you so much, Shou-kun.”

Shou shook his head. “Don’t thank me, Hiroto. I like spending time with you.” There was so much more he wanted to say than that but couldn’t with the taxi driver right there. So he simply pulled the younger boy into an embrace.

Hiroto felt so warm in Shou’s arms, he could have stayed forever. But something was on his mind, something he wanted to ask, and he had to get an answer. “Shou-kun…” He whispered into Shou’s ear, then paused, embarrassed, but continued when Shou encouraged him with a subtle Hm?. “Um…was this a…date?” The instant he asked, he wished he hadn’t.

But Shou found it adorable. He pulled away to look into Hiroto’s eyes. “Do you want it to be? Do you want to date me, Hiroto-kun?” He asked freely, not even giving a damn about the taxi driver’s reaction anymore.

Hiroto didn’t even hesitate, relieved that Shou hadn’t thought him crazy. “Yes!” He exclaimed, nodding happily. He couldn’t help himself – he’d never dated anyone before, but he’d never wanted to, until now. He couldn’t even rightly say he knew any rules about dating or anything, but what he did know was that he wanted to keep seeing Shou.

And Shou could only agree. “Then you and I are dating,” he replied. His heart was pounding like a school girl’s, but he remained cool as he leaned down to kiss Hiroto good night on the cheek before climbing back into the taxi. “Sweet dreams, Hiroto-kun,” he called out the window as the taxi pulled away.

Hiroto was melancholy to see Shou being driven away from him, but at the same time, he’d never been happier. He touched his lips with his fingers as he remembered…

Is this real? Because if it’s all just a dream, please don’t wake me up…

In the taxi, Shou instructed the driver where to go next, then sighed as he leaned against the seat and shut his eyes. He was exhausted, but he knew he wouldn’t sleep for days. His head was in the clouds and his heart was on his sleeve.

Hiroto-kun…I swore you’d be mine, because from the moment I met you…my heart began to beat again.

**

At last the taxi pulled up in front of Saga’s enormous house. Shou sat still for a moment as he looked up at it from the car, preparing himself. He was snapped out of his moment when they driver demanded his payment, however, and Shou was forced to get out.

He still couldn’t move for a second even as he stood on the sidewalk at the front, and he noticed the front gate was open this time, obviously inviting Shou in. He took a deep breath and began the unnecessarily long walk up to the front door.

I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to see him. I want my baby…

Shou wasn’t even to the front door when Saga burst through it enthusiastically, wearing nothing but boxers, yet again. “Shou-kun!” He exclaimed as he rushed out the door and right to him. He grabbed a very shocked Shou and kissed him hard on the lips. “I’m so happy you’re finally here!” He was practically screaming, and Shou could tell he was totally shitfaced.

He laughed nervously. “Uh haha yeah…sorry. Taxi got lost,” he lied.

Saga pulled him by the hand inside, not really listening. “It’s fine, it’s fine,” he said, words slurred. “You know I’d wait forever for you, Shou.” He shut and locked the door behind Shou and then ushered him down the front hallway to the living room.

Shou almost laughed at how Saga stumbled around the living until collapsing on the largest sofa, a black leather one. “Would you like some?” Saga asked as he grabbed a bottle off the floor next to the couch, which was already empty.

Shou shook his head. Apparently Saga had forgotten that Shou was trying to stay away from that lately. “No thank you, Saga-kun,” he replied kindly.

Saga just stared at Shou, a dopey half-smile plastered on his face and his cheeks flushed red. “Come here,” he commanded softly, gesturing for Shou to come join him on the couch.

And here we go. The faster Shou could get this over with, the faster he would feel at ease about doing it at all. He wished he could just leave, but he really needed Saga’s money. And he just wanted to keep peace with him for as long as he could.

Saga’s smile turned into a huge grin as Shou sat on the couch next to him. “You know…” Saga murmured as he began to trace his fingers up and down Shou’s arm. “You really torture me.”

Shou laughed a little, becoming nervous. “How is that?”

“Because you’re so sexy,” Saga replied, moving his finger up to Shou’s neck. “Every time I look at you I just wanna…” he paused, biting his lip, “I just wanna jump on you and rip your damn clothes off.”

Shou had never seen Saga drunk before and he found it pretty funny. He knew Saga was trying to turn him on with his little touches and by the things he was saying, but it would take a lot more than that for Shou to get going.

Although…what just happened with Hiroto still kinda has me turned on I suppose…

Saga stopped his finger and just stared at Shou, with Shou staring back. “I was thinking—”

“That’s dangerous.”

“—That you do so much for me, I want to return the favor.”

Shou shook his head. “Saga, no. I already told you I don’t need your hospitality.” He was irritated and tired of saying this over and over.

But Saga’s smile turned mischievous. “Oh, I think you will really like this kind of hospitality…” Before Shou could begin to figure out Saga’s cryptic words, he felt a pleasurable pressure on his groin and a warm mouth on his neck.

“Oh…” Despite himself, he found it arousing.

Fuck fuck fuck, he’s not supposed to get me this easily!

But Shou couldn’t stop it. He’d held pride as someone who could be very picky about what got him turned on, and that was now being thrown out the window as his hard-on grew quickly under Saga’s hand. He threw his head back, clenched his eyes shut, jaw dropping a bit, and just decided to let it happen.

Saga knew he was having a good effect on Shou, and he loved the confident and sexy feeling it gave him. He sucked on the skin of Shou’s neck harder when he began to feel his erection forming, then moved his mouth up along Shou’s jaw and then up to his face, kissing him everywhere. And the way Shou smelled was intoxicating him; he smelled like excitement and rain and…damn it was making Saga so insane.

After just a few amazing minutes, Shou found himself completely hard and ready, something about Saga reducing him to a moaning, horny pile of mess. Or…is it really something about Saga?

His memory flashed back to just a little while earlier, at the church…he’d been doing to Hiroto just what Saga was doing to him now – his hand doing wonders to him while kissing his neck. He moaned extra loudly, just thinking of those precious moments with the boy he wanted the most.

But he was shaken from his memory when Saga’s mouth stopped kissing and his hand stopped rubbing. Breathily, Saga whispered, “You ready, Shou-kun?”

Shou’s eyes blinked open. “Ready for what?” He asked.

Instead of responding, Saga slid off the couch and onto the floor in between Shou’s legs. He was still very drunk so his movements were sloppy, but Shou knew right away what he was doing, and he was a bit taken aback. He’s never wanted anything like this before…

Saga unzipped the front of Shou’s jeans, a bit hastily in his excitement, and smiled a bit when he saw the lovely bulge in Shou’s underwear. “Yum,” he said to himself, although loud enough for Shou to hear.

Shou couldn’t remember the last time anyone had ever given him a blowjob, since he’d been the one doing all the work for quite awhile now. However, he found it nice that Saga would want to do this for him, and he found himself becoming filled with anticipation to see how Saga would do.

Down on the floor, Saga was just as excited, and not a bit nervous, thanks to the alcohol. He boldly reached into the slit of Shou’s underwear and pulled his hard dick out. He’d never really paid a lot of attention to Shou’s piece of work before, and he found himself wishing he had.

He looked up at Shou and said, “I like what you have,” words especially slurred.

Shou just smiled as he looked down at Saga and began rubbing his hand through Saga’s hair. “It likes you too,” Shou whispered, though it was a total lie. The excitement in his groin was longing for Hiroto, but right now…he had to pretend.

Saga began with an innocent lick. He’d never done this to another man before and was unsure how to make it work well and feel good, so he was starting slow. He immediately found himself really liking the feeling of the warm skin on his tongue though, and began picking up the pace, licking up and down quickly before wrapping his mouth around the tip.

Shou couldn’t even help it when his breath caught in his throat. A small part of him was still trying to resist being so easy like this, but the majority of him was screaming for more. To try to contain himself he gripped his other hand in Saga’s hair and began massaging his head. I…need….to…calm…down…

Finally, Saga dove right into it with a swift, deep-throated plunge. He smiled when he heard Shou moan above him and went up, then down again. It was choking him a bit, that’s for sure, but he loved knowing that it was Shou’s cock that was in his mouth, and knowing that he was the one who had excited him and that he was the one who was making Shou whimper and moan.

“Ah! Yes…Saga…” Shou whined and bit his lip to try to stop himself, but it was no use anymore. His entire being was now screaming at him for more, and as he felt Saga’s lips smack around the head of his cock, he involuntary bucked his hips upward.

But even as he was so aroused by what Saga was doing to him, the only one in his head was still Hiroto.

Hiroto…Hiroto please forgive me…you know you’re the only one I want…

**

The apartment was silent when he got home. He had no idea where his dad was, maybe at the bar, and he knew his mother was asleep, and Tora was most likely either still at work, or coming home from work. Although...

Does he normally work this late?

He shook his head; he didn't care at the moment. Normally, Hiroto would have taken this opportunity to have the whole place to himself and enjoy it, but at the moment his heart was doing somersaults while his head was trying to figure it all out. But one thing was undeniably written into his fate, forever.

Shou…I completely fell for you and I don’t even know how.

He smiled just thinking about the man as he dragged his school bag and himself into his bedroom and collapsed on his bed. He looked out the window and saw the big moon through the misty rain, and couldn’t help wondering if Shou was out there looking at the same shining moon.

Are you and I tied to each other now? Will you be here until the end of time?

There were so many questions running through his head as he closed his eyes and let his head fall back onto the pillow. He couldn’t answer any of them at the moment. He couldn’t figure anything out about Shou except for the fact that that man had hooked him good and hard in such a way that Hiroto had never desired another person so badly before.

He wanted to fall asleep now and simply dream about Shou, but something was keeping him awake. He couldn’t get out of his mind the way Shou had touched him before, and kissed him all over, and the things he was saying to him.

“Damn…” Hiroto grunted as he could feel himself becoming aroused again. How did Shou reduce him to such a pathetic mess of desire with just a few touches?

He couldn’t deny that it had happened though, no matter what his sexuality was or how he felt about the guy or anything. He simply couldn’t deny that there, at the church, he’s gotten so aroused by another man. And that right now, the same thing was happening.

Hiroto was a normal 16-year-old boy, so of course he masturbated. He’d been so for a few years now since he just kind of “discovered” how good it feels to touch himself. But he’d never been turned on by another person so badly that it made him feel like he needed to touch himself. Usually he just did it because he was bored.

He opened his eyes and reached down to unzip the front of his pants and pull his mostly-hard dick out from the front of his underwear. It felt good to free it from his restricting clothes and have the cool air hit it with a stimulating chill.

His breath hitched as he began rubbing, just as he always did. But something about this time was so different. He was aroused from before, and now it seemed to almost spill over. He knew it was because he’d never had a sexual encounter with another person before, and his body was so overexcited from the new experience.

“Shou…” Hiroto couldn’t stop the name from passing his lips. He imagined that his little hand was Shou’s strong and capable hand, jerking him slowly, teasing him. He could almost feel Shou’s lips all over him, going from his lips to his neck down his chest, making Hiroto insane.

“More…” And as he whispered, he imagined Shou’s hand quickening the strokes as he warmed up Hiroto’s whole body, causing him to squirm everywhere and moan, almost screaming. He could see Shou’s gorgeous face in his mind, looking down at him with his big alluring eyes, showing him with just one look all the things he wanted to do to him.

Hiroto unbuttoned his shirt with his free hand, while pumping quickly and excitedly with his other. The moonlight reflected across his bare stomach as he panted and bucked his hips up and down. “Shou!” He exclaimed into the empty room. “Fuck…”

The stimulation was too much, and he knew he would climax soon. He also knew that he never wanted another person to please him so bad, and never wanted to please another person so bad. He was certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt, no matter of sexuality, that he wanted Shou.

Shou…next time, you and I are finishing what we started at the church.

**

Tora stared in disbelief at the house that the taxi had pulled up in front of. It looked like it could fit about twenty of their little apartments in it. But then he remembered how nicely Saga had been dressed earlier, and figured that it made sense that someone like that would live in a place like this.

He noticed a gate in front, but saw that it was open. He wasn’t sure if he should just allow himself to walk in or press the call button to have whoever lived there let him in. But he saw the lights on in most of the windows and figured it looked pretty welcoming. Plus, he didn’t really want to be standing in the rain for any longer.

It seemed to take him days to walk up their unnecessarily-long front walk before reaching the front door. He lifted his hand to knock, however, he heard a loud scream – of pleasure, of pain, he didn’t know – from inside the house.

Shit…maybe I shouldn’t go in there. He lowered his hand slowly and paused. Then, he heard another one, this one sounding a little bit different. Like a different voice. And he could tell it was coming from just inside, a bit to his right.

As he had been walking up the front path, he had seen a large window at the front with no curtains through which light was shining through. He didn’t think to go looking through it, since he wasn’t a creep, but something was telling him that he shouldn’t knock without first knowing what kind of shit was going down inside this house.

He hesitantly turned right away from the front door and began walking towards the window. It was low, so someone in the front lawn in front of it could easily see through it.

You are not a freak…you are not a creep…you’re just curious. He had to tell himself over and over that he wasn’t doing something wrong. Also, a part of him was worried that something was happening to Saga. Like an axe murderer had come to get him, or something.

But it wasn’t an axe murderer that Tora found with Saga as he peered through the front window. His jaw dropped as his eyes nearly popped out of his head at the sight before him.

“What…the…fuck…”

It Dreams 4/?

Thu, 26 Feb 2009 00:03:35 GMT

Title: It Dreams
Author: Caitlin
Pairing(s): ShouxHiroto, ShouxSaga, ToraxSaga (later), maybe more to come
Rating: NC-17
Chapter: 4/?
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
Summary: Forbidden love of the innocent-high-school-kidxdrug-dealing-prostitute variety. And other things.
A/N: Writing this chapter made me think of the Taiwanese drama Devil Beside You...I don't really know why. But because of that, I named it after that show (it's my very favorite Asian drama too^^).
Please enjoy :D

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3

Chater Four
"Devil Beside You"

The instant the bell rang to signal the end of the school day, Hiroto all but jumped out the window to get the hell out of school. It had been yet another day full of gossip about him, but for an entirely different reason than getting into fights with Mikado.

Poor Hiroto had used all of Saturday and Sunday to recover from his little misadventure at Club Rain, barely getting any homework done, but the moment he stepped onto the school grounds that Monday morning, he could tell there was still something that he would have to deal with. And he was quite right.

Apparently Mikado had found out about how much Hiroto had drank, how he got so shitfaced that he passed out, and that some guy from the yakuza (thankfully, Mikado didn’t know that it was also the same guy who had kicked his ass the day before) had saved him before getting into a gang fight outside the club. Therefore, the entire school now both respected and feared Hiroto, as he must have some kind of connection to the gang.

Hiroto could only roll his eyes at these ridiculous accusations. He didn’t even believe that Shou was part of such an organization. Granted, he didn’t really know anything at all about the guy, but he just didn’t look like a yakuza. He looked like…a supermodel, with his big beautiful eyes, cute smile, his sexy, messy hair, and of course, his long, gorgeous legs—

NO! The instant Hiroto began to think these things he wanted to hit himself upside the head. Why would Hiroto be attracted to another male? He’d had little crushes on girls before, so no way was he a homo. Of course, he’d never even so much as had a kiss before (he didn’t choose to count the drunken one with Shou has his “first kiss”) but still, he was certain he was attracted to girls…

…right?

He could only sigh and kick a small pebble out of his path as he walked down the sidewalk in front of the school. He’d never really experienced anything like what was going on now. He’d never been the center of gossip, or any kind of attention at all (besides Mikado’s bullying). Of course, what with how this school worked, Hiroto figured it wouldn’t be very long at all before they all forgot about him and he could return to his lonely corner with Nao and his flute.

Upon this realization, Hiroto felt a wave of relief – for about half a second – as who should be standing directly across the street from the school in front of the little Chinese pharmacy, right here and now, but Shou himself.

“Oh damn,” Hiroto whispered under his breath as he shifted his school bag from his left hand to his right nervously. He could tell Shou was waiting for him, and everyone would see. The rumors would only worsen and Hiroto would never ever be left alone.

Why the hell is the psycho waiting for me? Is he for real? Hiroto tried to remain calm but so many questions were popping up. A sea of students freshly released from their classes surrounded him as he stared across the street at Shou, who simply stared back. And to Hiroto’s shock, Shou seemed to be smiling as he took a step forward, crossing the street towards him.

Hiroto didn’t hesitate to turn right around and prepare to make a dash for it, but he was immediately pushed back by a huge crowd of students coming his way. Holy crap, get out of the way! There’s a damn creep coming after me, fucking move.

But he couldn’t get through, he knew he couldn’t escape. He turned around again and suddenly Shou was standing right in front of him. “Hey.”

Hiroto swallowed. There were people on every side, and as if all robotically controlled by Satan or something, they all stopped and stared up at the tall, handsome, scruffy-looking stranger.

Whispering could be heard through the crowd. Things like, “Whoa, who’s that? Damn he’s fine,” and “Why the hell is that guy talking to Ogata?” and “Oh yeah I’d hit that.” Hiroto’s face was turning bright red the more people began to stop, stare, and gossip, but it didn’t faze Shou one bit.

“What’s up?” Shou asked, completely unaware, although visibly happy to see Hiroto.

Hiroto’s eyes widened. “Uh-uh…” he stammered, half humiliated, half dumbfounded. He looked around nervously, tugging on his necktie as he did, and whispered, “What the hell are you doing here?”

Shou stepped closer, making Hiroto back up and step on someone’s foot. “Just wanted to see if you wanted to get something to eat maybe?”

Is this guy serious? Hiroto blinked. “Uh, no thanks. I have to go home and I don’t have any money anyway,” he replied quickly as he spotted a small gap between two girls through which he could escape. But just before he could make it through, Shou stepped in his way, almost making Hiroto’s lips collide with his chest, which would make everything worse.

“Come on, I’ll buy, and if you really need to get home I will only take a little of your time,” Shou suggested, still smiling, truly adamant.

Hiroto was taken aback by Shou’s confidence. Why does he want to hang out so bad? Doesn’t he have older friends who drink and stuff? It was definitely creepy, and only causing more problems for Hiroto as he really wasn’t the type to get involved in gossip in anyway, and this was certainly fueling his gossip fire.

“Uh, well Shou-kun, I just don’t think it’s a good idea—”

“No no, you will like it, trust me,” Shou interrupted, obviously refusing to take “no” for an answer as he grabbed Hiroto’s hand and began pulling him out of the crowd of students.

Oh God…Hiroto’s face turned even redder as he was being led away by the tall, mysterious, older man while everyone watched. Some even took pictures on their cell phones. School would be hell again tomorrow.

“Happy I got you out of that?” Shou asked, finally letting go of Hiroto’s hand and falling casually into step with the younger boy.

Hiroto looked up at him, stunned. “You got me into it!” He argued. “I really need to go home…” But even as he said the words, he found himself unable to walk away. He’d been mended to Shou’s side in a matter of seconds.

Shou smiled. “Maybe you need to…but I don’t think you are,” he looked down at Hiroto, sensing the boy’s turmoil. It only made him want him more.

Even though it made him so angry to hear, Hiroto knew Shou was right. Such a huge part of him wanted to enter into Shou’s world that he couldn’t get his feet to turn around and do what he really should. He knew he would pay for it later…

But even with all the embarrassment and confusion and anxiety, Hiroto simply could not deny that Shou looked damn good in those jeans.

**

Tora waited for the customer to exit the store, then leaned against the check stand, as lazy as could be. Of course, one of the perks of working in a convenience store was that it never got busy, but that also made the day go by really, really slow.

He’d been up since 6 that morning, had school from 7:30 to 3:30, and it was now 4:15…he’d be here until 10, and probably wouldn’t get home until at least 11. Then he had to study for a biopsychology exam tomorrow, which would keep him up until about 3 in the morning…upon this realization, Tora would have sighed and thought about killing himself if not for the fact that it was pretty much the normal routine.

Looking up and checking to make sure absolutely no one was in the little store, Tora then leaned down and pulled a magazine out from underneath a tiny compartment beneath the cash register. His favorite porn magazine.

“Hell yes,” he whispered as he flipped through it, immediately feeling himself getting excited. He came across one of his favorite girls, completely naked, laying on a diving board by a pool. “Oh, you are such a bad girl,” Tora murmured. “You know what I would do to you if I was—”

“Hello?”

Tora dropped the magazine and stood up in half a second, hitting his head on the cash register. “AH!” He exclaimed. He rubbed his head, embarrassed and in pain, hoping the customer didn’t see him looking at a dirty magazine.

He let the humiliation wear off for a moment before opening his eyes. “Can I help…” He couldn’t finish his sentence. In front of him was such a gorgeous person, hiding behind a large pair of sunglasses. So gorgeous that the girls in the magazine paled in comparison. And this gorgeous person had to see Tora standing there, half-hard, bump on his head, shame on his face, eyes puffy and tired, and in his embarrassing uniform.

But the worst part was that this gorgeous person…was male.

The gorgeous person began talking, asking Tora something or other, but poor Tora could only stand there, staring back, not knowing whether to lean forward and kiss him or run away and find a gay detox camp.

But he shook his head. I’m not fucking gay!

“…Can you help me with that?” The customer asked, bringing Tora back down to Earth.

Tora blinked. “Uh…I’m sorry, what did you say?”

The man removed his big, dark sunglasses then rolled his eyes, which were falsely colored bright blue. “I just need a phone book. My car broke down right down the street so I need a number of a tow company.”

Tora swallowed. He understood the words about five seconds after he took them in, and after far too long, he responded. “Uh…yeah hang on.” He couldn’t remember where the phone book was for the store, but he knew that his manager had one in the back. It wasn’t supposed to be used for customers but he wasn’t about to deny such a gorgeous person anything.

He fetched the book as fast as he could from his manager’s messy desk then brought it back out to the waiting customer, who looked extremely irritated but tried to hide it by putting his glasses back on.

“Thanks,” he said as Tora handed him the big book, clearly not actually very grateful.

Despite his bitchy attitude, Tora was enraptured. He couldn’t take his eyes off the man as he flipped carelessly through the book, looking for a number. His fingers were long, graceful, and slender, and his hair and skin both looked beautiful and flawless. He was extremely well-dressed as well, wearing clothes that Tora could only ever dream of owning. Everything about him was just so alluring to him that Tora could actually feel himself getting excited in the exact same way he had from his magazine, but this excitement had an added bonus – it was making his heart pound as well.

And despite how thrilled he felt, he also felt disgusted.

He didn’t know how long he’d been staring at the man before he realized that he was awoken from his spell by a loud “Thump!” as the man dropped the phone book on the check stand in front of him, struggled to pull his large cell phone from his back pocket, and dialed a number.

“Thanks again,” he called to Tora as he headed out the door, phone to his ear.

Tora’s heart sank. He knew it was completely fucked up to think these things, and he had no idea why he was, but he couldn’t deny how sad it was to see him leaving. He didn’t even know his name…

Sighing, poor Tora walked back to his manager’s office, set the phone book back on the desk where he’d retrieved it, and walked back to his post, solemnly.

But on his way back, he spotted something curious on the floor in front of the check stand, right where the man had been standing. He stopped for a moment, unable to detect what it was from a distance, and approached it.

He leaned down and picked it up, realizing right away that it was a wallet. The gorgeous man’s wallet perhaps?

Instead of running out to return it to him, Tora disgracefully opened the wallet – but not to steal. He pulled the driver’s license out one of the little pockets, saw immediately that it was indeed that man’s wallet based on the picture, and read it, heart beating fast.

The license’s name said Sakamoto, but the man had signed it at the bottom simply as “Saga.”

Tora licked his lips. “Saga-kun…”

**

“Where the hell are we going anyway?” Hiroto whined. They’d been walking for almost fifteen minutes, stifled with awkward conversation in addition to the humidity in the air, and they still weren’t at their destination. Also, he felt like an awkward tool in his dorky school uniform and his school bag was starting to get heavy as he painfully shifted it from his left shoulder to his right, and then back again.

Shou pointed straight ahead. “Right here,” he said, and as they approached the small shop, he ushered Hiroto in chivalrously.

Hiroto stepped into the restaurant hesitantly. This wasn’t a place he’d ever been to, or even heard of, so he was weary. Probably because he’d always been sheltered his whole life, but it was just in his nature not to trust anything new.

But Shou shoved him from behind when he wouldn’t move, so Hiroto had no choice. Besides, he actually was pretty hungry and something smelled good…

“Come on Hiroto-kun! I’m really hungry,” Shou said enthusiastically as he led them to an empty table.

Hiroto was still a bit creeped out, but tried his hardest to relax. After all, they were in public. What could Shou possibly do to him with so many people watching?

But Hiroto soon realized that he needn’t have even worried. Everyone who worked at the restaurant seemed to know Shou, and knew exactly what he wanted to order and were also very kind to Hiroto. It put his mind at ease, so he was able to talk more casually with Shou and even got to know him a bit more. It took him by surprise but Shou seemed to just be a normal 20-year-old guy going through life.

Well, that’s what Shou chose to tell him, at least.

And when their food arrived, Hiroto found himself actually enjoying himself on this odd little outing with Shou. Maybe he really did just want to be friends. Maybe Shou was lonely…there was no reason for Hiroto to think that everyone in the world was out to get him, right?

Especially whenever Shou would smile, Hiroto could feel his heart quake. And he couldn’t help but remember the kiss…granted, he couldn’t remember much, but he could feel his heart beating faster just thinking about their lips coming together.

No! You aren’t a fag, now stop it!

“Hiroto-kun, are you okay?” Shou asked with a mouthful of noodles.

Hiroto had been violently shaking his head, trying to get the gay thoughts out, but stopped once he realized that he must look very strange. “Uh…yeah yeah, I’m fine.” His face was red so he covered it by shoving as much okonomiyaki into his mouth as he could. “So uh…what do you do? You said you work right?”

Shou paused mid-chew. He looked suspicious, but played it off half a second later. “Yeah. I’m…in business.”

Hiroto’s eyes widened. “How impressive! What kind of business?”

Shou opened his mouth to respond, but before he could even speak, he turned around violently and stared across the restaurant by the door at a few customers who had just come in. They were big, loud, middle-aged guys wearing fancy suits. He turned back around and lowered his head. “Shit.”

“Uh…what’s wrong?” Hiroto asked, concerned. This didn’t look good to him.

Shou quietly set his chopsticks down and looked up at Hiroto. “We gotta go,” he whispered.

“Why?” Hiroto asked, really scared by now, but Shou didn’t respond. He just stood up, pulling Hiroto up with him, and as quietly as possible, led them across the small restaurant with his head ducked down, obviously trying to remain undetected.

Hiroto was confused, and figured that those men who had just walked in were some kind of enemies to him. Well, whatever the fuck he’s involved with, I don’t want to get involved with. He can just let me go home and never come around me again, because I am not having those guys on my ass.

Just as they reached the door, still undetected, Hiroto could hear Shou breathe a sigh of relief and loosen his grip on his hand as they walked out.

Alas, it was too early to celebrate – the moment they stepped outside, Shou nearly walked into two more guys who looked like they belonged with the other ones already inside the restaurant.

“Shit!” Shou exclaimed, tightening his hold on Hiroto’s hand once again.

“What?” Hiroto asked, worry returning all too soon.

The big guys in front of them stopped. “Hey!” One of them exclaimed when he saw Shou. “What the hell do you think you’re—”

“Run!” Shou yelled, and instantly dashed off, nearly dragging Hiroto along with him.

“Shou, what the hell—” Hiroto didn’t know what was happening, but he was suddenly sprinting away from the men and the restaurant with Shou’s hand glued to his. And as he looked back, to his horror, he saw five massive guys chasing them and yelling. He struggled to run faster, falling behind as Shou’s legs were so much longer and leaner. But he knew he would never be separated from Shou, as long he their hands were wrapped in each others’.

They ran down one block, crossed the empty street, and got to the next in just a few seconds. Hiroto could barely see where he was going, since it was so dark, and to make matters worse he wasn’t familiar with this part of town and he wanted to shoot himself when he realized he’d left his school bag back at the restaurant. But something about Shou’s warm hand in his put him at ease. Maybe he was being stupid and too trusting, but after the meal and the nice conversations they’d just had, Hiroto could tell there was nothing to be afraid of.

As they continued running, it began to rain, and Shou cursed. Hiroto looked back and the men were still chasing after them, still yelling. But these guys were massive and could barely move. He almost felt like laughing – the fact that they though they could catch up to them was hilarious.

As if he had read Hiroto’s mind, Shou said, “They won’t catch up to us, they just wanna scare us.”

“Why though?” Hiroto asked, breath heavy. “Why are they chasing us?”

Shou didn’t respond right away. “I’ll explain later,” was all he said when he finally did speak.

Hiroto didn’t want to accept this answer, but he had to, seeing as he was quickly running out of breath. They’d only been running for a few minutes, but he didn’t know how much longer they’d continue.

The rain was pouring down now, and without warning, Shou pulled Hiroto down a road that branched off from the one which they were running down. In the distance, Hiroto could barely make out the outline of a church. Would they be safe in there?

Shou’s grip on Hiroto’s remained locked as he pulled him up the steps of the church. They stood for a moment in front of the church doors, as the overhang above the doors kept them out of the rain. Shou tugged and tugged on the door handles, praying. The effort, unfortunately, came to naught – the doors were locked. “Shit.” Shou looked back to see if the men were still chasing them, and just as he turned around to look, they rounded the corner. “Oh fuck…”

“Shou—”

“Don’t worry,” Shou interrupted. “They aren’t touching you, even if I have to use all my willpower to stay alive just to make sure.”

He couldn’t explain why, but these words touched Hiroto. He looked up at Shou’s face, flushed red from running but turning pale from the chill of the rain. His chest rose and fell quickly, and his eyes held fear. Hiroto found himself wanting to protect him, as well.

Am I insane for wanting to save you?

“Shou, come here,” Hiroto whispered. There was a small space – barely big enough for one person – beside the doors that served as a sort of alcove that could, in the dark of the nighttime, allow a person to remain undetectable from anyone in the street in front of the church. Hiroto had seen this little space when they first came up the stairs, and since it was both a small, dark space and out of the rain, it just might work.

Hiroto pulled on Shou’s hand and backed himself into the corner, making himself as small as he could, while Shou was on the outside, pressing his body as hard as he could against Hiroto’s, wrapping his arms around him, and lowering his head. Luckily, both boys were quite thin and were able to squeeze themselves in where normally only one person could fit.

Both of them were utterly silent – they didn’t even breathe. Footsteps approaching could be heard, and all Hiroto could do was squeeze his eyes tight. He was so afraid, even with Shou’s body guarding him. He’d never experienced this kind of craziness and never would have imagined that he would. Especially something like this.

Only the pitter-patter of rain falling could be heard as the footsteps stopped. “Hey, I don’t see them anymore,” came one voice.

“Yeah and I don’t think we should be fucking around over here anyway…there’s a church right there,” said another.

A few more murmured agreements as footsteps could be heard again, this time slowly getting quieter. Hiroto wanted to cry, he was so relieved, but knew he should remain absolutely still and silent before Shou told him he could do otherwise.

But such a strange thing had been happening as he was squished in that corner. Feeling Shou’s warm, sturdy body right against his with his arms around him tight and feeling his heart pound rapidly, each beat making its way through Shou’s body and then Hiroto’s…it was making his head spin and his knees weak. He’d never been this physically close to a person and the thrill of the chase and the rain and the sweat and the fear all made his hormones race and his blood boil. Maybe he was just getting too caught up in the first real excitement of his life, but…

“Shou…” Hiroto whispered, eyes looking slowly upward into Shou’s.

“Yeah?” Shou asked. But he didn’t need to ask. The moment he locked eyes with him, he could tell from the look that Hiroto was giving him exactly what he wanted. He slowly began to ease off of Hiroto, but as he did, the younger one immediately grabbed the sides of his shirt and refused to let him move any farther away.

“Don’t…” Hiroto whispered. “Just…”

His innocent eyes held longing, just like they had at the club, and Shou was never one to disappoint. He leaned down and guided Hiroto’s lips to his, feeling the boy’s body jump to life as they kissed again.

Hiroto’s hands remained gripped to Shou’s shirt as he ran his hands down Hiroto’s sides. He was all wet and nearly shaking, but that didn’t matter at all. Shou had never wanted another person like this, never wanted to kiss and touch and love another person like this. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d given a damn about anything in such a profound way.

I swear Hiroto…I swear on this kiss, and this moment, before the whole world…that I will make you mine.

**

When Tora arrived back at home, he was totally beat. His sulked into the apartment in his usual manner, not even giving a damn. He was way too tired to even try to get the rain out of his hair, or even respond to his mother as she greeted him from in front of the TV. He just made a beeline for his room, trying to decide whether he should study or just pass out.

Tora shut the door, a bit more angsty than he meant to, removed his jacket and threw it across the room somewhere before emptying his pockets. Keys, phone, iPod, wallet, another wallet…

He did a double-take. Another wallet? Oh yeah…that guy… He couldn’t believe he’d forgotten. It had honestly been the highlight of the day to see him. Even though he hated to admit it, since it sounded like such a flaming thing to say.

He bit his lip. He should certainly return it. To lose your wallet is to lose everything. Tora picked up the wallet and held it in his hand for a moment. It was very nice leather, he could tell. Probably some fancy designer that he’d never even heard of.

He’s gorgeous and he has money…maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to go return this to him. Right now.

He knew thinking so superficially was beneath him, but he couldn’t help it. He wanted to know who this guy was, badly. And even though he noticed it was fairly late – 11:10 – “Saga” looked like the kind of guy who didn’t really sleep early.

Tora opened the wallet and pulled out the driver’s license again. The address was written on it, and although it was on some street Tora had never heard of, he had GPS on his cell phone.

“Okay, that’s it. I’m going,” Tora said to himself and without even bothering to grab his jacket again, he swung his door open just as violently as he had closed it before he made his way across the small apartment, carrying only Saga’s wallet, his own wallet, and his cell phone with him.

“Bye,” his mother called carelessly from the couch.

“Bye!” Tora responded as he slipped on his shoes and opened the door, once again venturing out into the rain.

Saga…just what kind of guy are you?

It Dreams 3/?

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 11:14:20 GMT

Title: It Dreams
Author: Caitlin
Pairing(s): ShouxHiroto, ShouxSaga, ToraxSaga (later), maybe more to come
Rating: NC-17
Chapter: 3/?
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
Summary: Forbidden love of the innocent-high-school-kidxdrug-dealing-prostitute variety. And other things.
A/N: Yay here comes Tora! Everyone was waiting for him, I guess he's quite popular? xD
Shorter chapter this time, hope you guys like it! Comments = love, as you know. ♥

Chapter 1
Chapter 2

Chapter Three
"Enter the Tiger"

Hiroto was usually the type to enjoy the sunlight and the outdoors and all that lovely shit, but right now he wanted to shoot the sun with a bazooka to get it out of his face.

He rolled over and moaned, the sunbeams still falling through the window and shining brightly across his face. “Fuuuuuuuuuuuck.” He blinked and opened his eyes painfully. He didn’t know why the sun was so bright but at the moment he just wanted it to get the hell away from him.

For a few minutes Hiroto could only lay still with his eyes half open. His head was hurting too bad to even remember what events had led to him arriving safely back home in his bed. He thought and thought but the headache was so severe that he just couldn’t remember, and the harder he tried to remember and failed, the more freaked out he became. Why the hell couldn’t he remember?!

Giving up, Hiroto let his eyes fall shut again and succumbed to the delicious slumber that was calling to him.

**

The joyful sound of childrens’ laughter was Shou’s alarm clock that morning. It took him a moment to call his consciousness back to him, but the instant he did, he remembered everything vividly.

So it was no surprise that he’d awoken on a park bench. But this was normal.

He blinked and sat up, head sore from sleeping on such a hard surface, and from the alcohol from last night. Not that he’d had very much, but he knew he really shouldn’t drink anything anymore. He was the type to have an addictive personality, and he didn’t want to go back down that road again.

Shou sighed, stood up off the bench, and stretched. Despite how bad last night had ended up, he felt good to be in the sun, and to be alive on such a gorgeous morning.

And, when he remembered how he was reunited with Hiroto last night, his heart wanted to burst…it was such a lovely feeling, it made him feel more powerful than he really was.

But this lovey-doveyness couldn’t erase what else had happened last night…

~~~

Before their lips had even parted, Shou could already feel Hiroto’s body beginning to collapse. To his dismay, he was forced to break the kiss to catch the boy before he fell to the floor.

Shou had never dealt with this kind of thing before. Had the kiss made Hiroto faint? No, Shou couldn’t be that conceited to think he had that kind of power. Hiroto had been pretty drunk, and he’d even said he felt dizzy and he looked uneasy…he’d probably just reached his limit. Yeah, that was it.

It was difficult to carry Hiroto through the jam-packed club, despite his small size. On the other side of the bar Shou found some couches and laid the poor boy on the only free one and just stared at him for a moment, unsure of what to do next. Should he call the ambulance?

No! Shou shook his head adamantly. He hated cops. Hated paramedics. All those people, he couldn’t deal with them. And they would probably give Hiroto shit too, which the poor little guy didn’t deserve.

Shou just stood over Hiroto for a moment, unable to come to a conclusion. He thought of a somewhat farfetched idea after a minute, but figured it was probably too ridiculous to work. However, he had to try…

Reaching into both of Hiroto’s front jean pockets, he searched for what he knew every high school kid had – a cell phone. He found one right away in the right pocket and pulled it out. It wasn’t a very fancy model, but Shou wasn’t the type to judge on that. How could he, the way he lived?

He flipped the phone open frantically, heart beating fast, praying that he was onto something. He searched through the “Recent Calls” list for someone who sounded like he could be a friend who could come pick poor Hiroto up.

Unfortunately, the list mainly contained “Home” or “Mom Cell” or “Dad Work.” But luckily, about halfway down the list, he spotted an actual name. “Tora.”

Well…kind of a name. Or something.

Regardless of why this person was named Tora, Shou called the number. He was so nervous, he had no idea if this person would be angry at him for calling at such a late hour if he would freak out about why Shou was calling him to tell him that his friend was—

“What’s up?”

Shou gulped, a bit taken aback by the casual greeting. “Uh…hi. Um, is this…Tora?”

There was a pause on the other line. “Um, yes? Who the hell is this on my brother’s phone?”

Shou’s eyes widened. Brother?!

FUCK.

His heartbeat quickened, but with one glance at Hiroto’s sick-looking face, his strength returned. “My name is Shou, I’m a friend of Hiroto’s…he’s very sick actually and I was wondering if you could come pick him up? He really needs—”

“Sick how?” Tora interrupted, voice sounding urgent.

Shou wasn’t sure if he should tell on Hiroto for drinking at a club, but right now he had no choice. He just needed to get the boy home and better. “He drank too much and—”

“Did you give my little brother alcohol?!” Tora interrupted again, this time sounding really upset. “Who the fuck are you, Shou? And where the hell did you take Hiroto?!”

Tora’s overreactions were starting to piss Shou off too. “Look, I didn’t give him shit. He’s here at a party at Club Rain and for some reason they served him drinks and he didn’t know his limit and had too much.” Shou took a deep breath and continued, surprised that Tora hadn’t interrupted him again. “I’m just trying to help him because he passed out here and needs to go home. I don’t know where he lives, I just met him yesterday. Can you please come get him?”

There was silence on the other end and Shou was afraid that Tora had hung up. But instead, he heard a sigh and, “Club Rain?”

“Mhm.”

“Okay, then, I’ll be there soon.” Then with a beep, the line was dead.

Shou closed the phone and looked back down at Hiroto. He looked peaceful in his drunken sleep, despite how fucked up he was at the moment. Shou bit his lip and wondered if Tora would kick his ass when he arrived. Maybe he should leave—

“Oh, fuck!” Shou yelled. He completely forgot about his client waiting for him in the V.I.P. room. He’d been gone “to the bathroom” for at least twenty minutes now. But he couldn’t just leave Hiroto lying here…

But before he was even given a choice whether to stay or go, he felt an enormous being breathing down his neck. And it didn’t even take him half a second to realize who—

“What the hell are you doing?” Shou heard as he turned around. It was his client – what was his name? – and he didn’t look happy.

Shou shook at the sight and sound of this ogre, and tried to block Hiroto from his view as best he could as he turned around to face him. “I’m so sorry, my friend is just having a problem…”

The big nasty client, whatever his name is, gave him a condescending look. Shou could tell that his story was not satisfactory. “I’m paying for your time with me, not for you to be fucking around with your little friends.” Then he leaned in and all Shou wanted to do was run away, and whispered, “Now get your cute little ass back there with the rest of us, or you – and your friend – will not be having a good night.”

Shou knew he was just trying to scare him, but at the same time he didn’t want to cross any of these guys. He knew, as he’d been on the receiving end of their ass-whooping a million times. Yet…the instant Shou heard him so much as mention Hiroto, let alone threaten him as well, there was no way in hell he could just stand here and play nice anymore.

Maybe it was the alcohol giving him courage, or the protection he felt over Hiroto, but Shou suddenly felt so bold, so fierce. Enough to look up into this disgusting man’s eyes and say, “No.”

The man just blinked back, as if he’d heard him wrong and was waiting for some kind of clarification. “Uh…no what?”

“I have to stay here with my friend to make sure he gets home safely. He’s really sick right now and—”

“I don’t give a shit about your little gay friend!” Shou’s client screamed. “You don’t fucking ever say ‘no’ to me, is that clear?”

Shou almost laughed, because he had the perfect answer: “No.”

But he knew with his little smart ass response that he’d asked for it…

**

Tora cursed under his breath as yet another shitty driver cut him off. It had begun to rain, making picking up his stupid little brother even more of a pain in his ass. He hadn’t exactly had plans that night besides maybe watching porn and jacking off, but he’d had a long day at work and school and didn’t want to have to deal with this.

But at the same time, he couldn’t help but feel worried for his little brother…

As the bright sign for Club Rain popped up on the left side of the horizon, Tora maneuvered his car into the parking lot adjacent, but not before catching the ruckus that seemed to be going on outside.

Oh fuck, he thought. I’m gonna have to try and make my way through this shit too.

He’d been on the club and bar scene before, so it wasn’t a huge surprise to see this. But he’d tried to stay away from Club Rain because it had a reputation as yakuza headquarters and other dirty street shit. Despite his cool exterior, Tora tried really hard to stay as upstanding as he could, and didn’t want to get himself involved in anything like that. Maybe that was why he was so worried about Hiroto at the moment.

Tora chuckled under his breath as he walked around the corner from the parking lot to the front of the club and saw just how right he was. There were about three big guys all wearing nice suits – yakuza, for sure – all trying to be controlled and held back by a few club security guys. Tora couldn’t tell if they were fighting each other or some other poor sap, but he didn’t care to get involved.

He carefully dodged the big guys and walked right up to the bouncer, taking his I.D. out of his pocket.

But the bouncer just shook his head. “Sorry, closed party tonight.”

Tora cocked an eyebrow and didn’t know what to say for a moment. “Uh well, I’m actually only here to pick up my brother, he’s sick...”

The bouncer showed no signs of mercy, but to Tora’s unbelievable good fortune (although he didn’t know it yet), he heard someone call his name.

“Tora?”

He turned his head in the direction it came, which was, ironically, from the middle of the scuffle that he’d been trying to avoid. Oh God…is it someone from high school?

But he didn’t recognize this guy. He was obviously the aforementioned “poor sap” as the club security guys were trying their hardest to get him away from the guys in the fancy suits. Tora could only stare wide-eyed and perplexed. How the hell did Hiroto know anyone like this?

“Are you Tora?” The man asked again, spurring Tora from his trance of disbelief.

“Uh…yeah I am. Are you the one who called?” He asked slowly.

His awe remained as he watched the man emerge from the middle of the fight, as if the aggression was completely forgotten now that Tora was here, and walked towards him, leaving three angry yakuza guys screaming and cussing behind him. Tora truly didn’t know what to think.

“I’m the one who called you,” he said as he approached Tora, scratching a bruise he’d acquired in the fight, otherwise looking perfectly unscathed. He reached out his hand. “I’m Shou,” he introduced.

Although he knew it was rude, Tora couldn’t gather himself up enough to reach out and shake Shou’s hand in return. “Uh…”

Shou withdrew his hand and smiled embarrassingly. “Yeah I was just involved in a little…drama, that’s all. Hiroto’s completely fine though, he just needs to go home.”

Suddenly Tora remembered his little brother. “Oh, oh yeah, yeah…well I need to go get him but they won’t let me in…”

“Oh hang on one second, I’ll go get him and be right out,” Shou replied hastily as he rushed back into the club.

Tora really didn’t know what to think of this situation. How did Hiroto know this man? And why did he seem so…protective over his little brother? The moment Tora had spotted him in the middle of the fight against three huge gang dudes, he looked like he was about to fall over and die. But the instant Hiroto became the subject, Shou’s expression suddenly became energetic and caring. Tora didn’t understand at all…but he did know that he wouldn’t let his little brother come to these kinds of places ever again. Not just because it was annoying when he had to go rescue him, but because he actually did want Hiroto to have a good life…

Just as Tora was beginning to zone out, he saw Shou emerge from the club out of the corner of his eye, carrying Hiroto in his arms. He was a bit shocked at the sight; he didn’t expect Hiroto to be so completely blacked out that he was unconscious. But he was relieved to see his little brother, nonetheless.

“Here he is,” Shou exclaimed, breath short and face looking flushed. Tora could see a strange fondness in Shou’s eyes as he looked down at the sick boy in his arms. It made Tora want to grab his little brother and run away with him…get him away from this strange man. “Shou.”

Tora reached forward, grabbing Hiroto out of Shou’s arms. “Thanks…” he replied as he uncomfortably tried not to let his brother fall to the ground as he was transferred over to him. But even as Shou surrendered Hiroto, Tora could tell that he didn’t want to let him go. Shou’s gaze was stuck on Hiroto’s face, even as Tora now held him. “I…really appreciate it…” Tora said slowly, a bit unsure what to do with the awkward situation that Shou was unknowingly creating.

Shou’s eyes finally left Hiroto as he looked up at Tora. “Yeah, of course, no problem,” he replied with a nod. “I hope he’ll be okay…”

Tora smiled. “Oh he’ll be just fine. He’s small but he can take punishment.” A little happiness brewed inside him as he took a moment to revel, but Hiroto’s weight was starting to make his arms sore, and as he shifted, he knew he had to get going before his arms fell off. Biting his lip and looking at Shou, who had gone back to staring down at Hiroto, Tora said, “Well…I guess we better get going. I’m really thankful he had someone looking out for him tonight though.” And even though Tora did find Shou to be somewhat creepy, he did appreciate the care he had for Hiroto…even if said care was kind of odd.

“It really was my pleasure,” Shou said and smiled back. There was an awkward silence for a moment, and though Shou so badly didn’t want to see Tora walk away with Hiroto, he couldn’t just make him stand there all night. “Drive safe Tora.”

Without another word, Tora nodded and walked away back to his car, struggling a bit with Hiroto weighing him down. And even though he was walking away from the club and could no longer see Shou…he turned his head just to make sure…

And he had been right. Shou was staring after him. But not at him. At the boy in his arms.

~~~

It was an enormous ass pain to even get out of bed and walk across his bedroom, but Hiroto was starving and it was already early afternoon – much later than he usually woke up. And his parents would most definitely notice. So even though he could have stayed in bed forever, Hiroto forced himself to get up.

But he needn’t have worried. About his parents, at least.

“They’re both gone, both called into work today,” Tora called to Hiroto from the kitchen the instant he emerged from his bedroom. “You lucky bastard.”

Hiroto breathed a sigh of relief when he heard this and made his way over to the kitchen. “Good…” He saw Tora standing by the refrigerator, casually eating a bowl of rice. It made him hungry, despite his nausea.

“Feeling better?” Tora asked through a mouthful of food.

Hiroto shrugged. “How am I supposed to feel?” He asked with a laugh as he scooped some rice from the rice cooker into a small dish.

“Well, your head should be throbbing and your stomach should be churning,” Tora replied. “Unless you’re awesome like I am, and don’t get hungover.”

“Guess I’m not so awesome then,” Hiroto replied as he began eating the rice. It instantly made him feel better, just as he’d hoped for.

For a minute, neither of the brothers shared words. Then Tora had to speak.

“I was surprised last night, that you’d gone to a club…and drank…especially at Club Rain.”

Hiroto just chewed, not sure what to say. “Well…”

“I mean, I’m not gonna tell Mom and Dad,” Tora continued, finishing his rice and setting his empty dish in the sink. “But I don’t want you getting into shit so early. Just focus on school for now, you know?”

A thought crossed Hiroto’s mind urgently. “Did you get me home or something?” He asked, as he realized he didn’t know how he’d come home or why Tora even knew what he’d done last night.

Tora nodded as he began walked out of the kitchen. “Your friend called me and I picked you up after you passed out.”

Hiroto paused mid-chew. “Which friend?” He called to his brother.

“Shou.”

Shou…Shou? Hiroto panicked for a moment. He barely knew Shou, why would Shou be calling Tora? Did they know each other? Maybe they went to high school together or something. But that’s still no reason for Shou to be calling Tora so late at night to pick him up…

Hiroto shook his head. He was in too much pain to figure it out, to put the pieces together, to remember anything. It was all too complicated and jumbled, and he regretted not knowing beforehand how getting so drunk can erase your memory. He just didn’t remember…

Except for one thing. He knew, even since the moment he’d woken up, that Shou had kissed him.

He bit his lip, ashamed…because he’d liked it so much.

**

Shou’s feet felt heavy as he walked, despite how surprisingly happy and content with everything he felt. Even though he’d gotten a nice ass beating last night and was expecting many more soon, it felt good to be away from those guys. Maybe from now on he’d just stick with lonely, middle-aged housewives as his clients. And, of course, Saga…

Saga…

As if by magic, Shou looked up and saw him. He didn’t know where he was, since he’d woken up from the park he’d just been walking for a few hours. And somehow, Saga was standing right in front of him, right now.

Something about Saga looked different. He looked mature, yet vulnerable. Strong, yet unready. His eyes were squinting in the sun as his reddish-brown hair fell casually into his face. He was well-dressed, as always, but not in a showy well. As if he just always happened to look nice. Which he did. He had enough money to.

“Hey,” Saga’s voice almost sang to him.

Shou stopped, about ten feet away from the other boy. “Hey,” he called back. There was some odd thing that was just striking about Saga to him. Like all the abuse he’d given him the day before had been unfair. And he felt so horrible all of a sudden.

Neither could move for a moment, until suddenly both took a step forward, and another, and another…until they were right in front of each other. But even then, neither could really speak.

Finally, Saga broke the silence. “You always seem to find me,” he whispered, a small laugh almost playing on his breath.

Shou couldn’t help but smile. “Or maybe it’s you who finds me?”

Saga shrugged. “Doesn’t matter to me who comes to who. As long as you come back to me…” He didn’t know if he was pushing it by saying this. But he couldn’t stop the words from rushing out.

But surprisingly, Shou’s expression was soft and gentle at Saga’s heartfelt words. “I think I will always return to you, Saga. Even when I say such awful things—”

Saga shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, Shou. I’ve been pretty…suffocating lately. You’ve got your own stuff going on, just as I do, and if you don’t want to let me in, I won’t make you.” He sighed, and added, “And I’m not exactly proud of what I said, either…”

There was another silence as Shou and Saga stared at each other. A butterfly flew carelessly past Saga’s left ear, making Shou grin. He was overcome with such a strong urge to just hug the other, but knew it probably wouldn’t be a good idea—

But before he could even tell himself no, he felt Saga’s arms wrap around him, and felt the warmth that he was giving off, and couldn’t help but just sink into it.

Yet even as he hugged Saga tight, the thought of Hiroto’s body on his, and Hiroto’s lips on his, was what he was truly longing for.

It Dreams 2/?

Wed, 18 Feb 2009 09:55:25 GMT

Title: It Dreams
Author: Caitlin
Pairing(s): ShouxHiroto, ShouxSaga, ToraxSaga (later), maybe more to come
Rating: NC-17
Chapter: 2/?
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
Summary: Forbidden love of the innocent-high-school-kidxdrug-dealing-prostitute variety. And other things.
A/N: I think this chapter is a bit longer than the first, but I definitely like how this one turned out a lot more.
I hope everyone likes it too (^o^)~

Chapter 1

Chapter Two
"Just the Beginning"

The next day at school, it seemed that everyone had heard about the little fight that had happened the day before. It was the most hyped up gossip that had been spread around the school in awhile, and both Hiroto and Mikado were extremely embarrassed.

As Nao sat quietly at the back of his math class, he heard several different versions of the story. First, he heard one that said Hiroto had a knife, and when he brought it out, Mikado brought out a revolver. Then there was another story, this one claiming that Mikado had been beating Hiroto up when a hobo walked by and jumped in, nearly killing all five of them.

Nao just rolled his eyes. He was probably the only one who knew the whole truth, since Hiroto himself had told him the night before. He felt bad that he hadn’t skipped out on his flute lessons to make sure Hiroto would be okay, but he also felt glad that he didn’t get beat up too. And he just didn’t know what to make of some guy coming in out of nowhere and helping Hiroto. Honestly, he wouldn’t trust someone who did that instead of just calling the cops. But he’d helped Hiroto, and Nao was grateful for that.

After a painfully humiliating lunch filled with stares and whispers, Hiroto made his way to his chemistry class, one which he also shared with Mikado and his gang, unfortunately. Trying to remain invisible (which was difficult with two black eyes and a puffy red face), he took his assigned seat by the window and waited for class to begin.

He couldn’t help but roll his eyes when he saw Mikado walk in, looking particularly upset today, also sporting a lovely black eye. Since there were only a few people in there so far, it was pretty quiet, and Hiroto could hear their conversation.

“Fuck! I can’t believe some of the bullshit that’s being spread around,” Mikado was whining. “Who told what happened, anyway? I doubt that little fucker Ogata said anything.”

Hiroto leaned towards the four boys a little, trying to hear. He was intrigued to know how it had been spread as well.

The token “big, stupid one” of the group, Ryuichi Tendou, who’d been the one helping Mikado beat Hiroto up, coughed. “Uh, I may have told someone…”

“What! You dumb fuck!” Hiroto could tell Mikado was pissed that one of his own had been the one to tell everyone about the incident, and he couldn’t help but laugh a little. How ironic.

Just as Mikado looked like he was about to really tear into Ryuichi, their chemistry teacher walked in, causing every student to separate from their little groups and find their seat. Unfortunately for Hiroto, Mikado sat only two seats down from him, and the person who sat between them was absent today. Suddenly, the day just got a whole lot worse.

Mikado noticed right away that there was now nothing blocking him from having a clear path at Hiroto. He was tempted to start throwing things at him and calling him names, like always, but he suddenly got a much better idea.

“Hey, Ogata-san,” Hiroto heard Mikado whispering to him. He was a little surprised to be addressed with such a polite title, but he ignored it still.

Mikado didn’t give up. “Ogata! Hey, Ogata!” His voice grew to an urgent whisper, sparking some curiosity within Hiroto. But he still ignored him. “Ogata! Ogata! Ogata!” Mikado wasn’t giving up. “Ogata! Ogata! Ogata! Ogata! Ogata! Ogata! Ogata! Ogata! Ogata! Ogata!”

Finally, Hiroto couldn‘t take it anymore.

“Oga—”

“What?!” He turned, making sure he was wearing his most annoyed expression.

Mikado’s smug face held complete satisfaction as he finally got Hiroto’s attention. He grinned, maniacally, and Hiroto shuddered a little. “Tonight,” he said, “There’s a party.”

Hiroto turned away, uninterested. “That’s nice. Another party for you.”

“No! Listen,” Mikado urged. “It’s a party…for me, yeah, but I want you to come.”

Hiroto turned slowly and raised an eyebrow. “What?” He asked, perplexed.

Mikado just nodded. “Yeah, come.” He commanded. “No tricks, no bullshit, no fighting…just come.”

Something in Mikado’s face, despite his crazy smile, seemed to hold sincerity. Maybe that guy who had jumped in the fight yesterday had really scared him. Either way, Hiroto felt like he really wanted to go, not to party, but to find out what would happen.

“Where is it?” He asked after a moment of contemplation. “Your house?”

“No, Club Rain,” he replied. “My dad rented out the club for me and my friends…and some of his friends and clients or something too. So you don’t have to worry about bringing a fake I.D., since I know you don’t have one anyway.” And, just because he couldn’t help it, he added, “And I don’t live in a house, Ogata, I live in a mansion.”

Hiroto just rolled his eyes, but Mikado missed it as he turned back to face the front of the classroom. But out of the corner of his mouth, Hiroto heard him whisper. “9 o’clock.” Hiroto just stared at him in disbelief, but for the rest of the class period, Mikado completely ignored him. Which was good, because it gave Hiroto some time to think.

**

As he fell back against the pillows, Shou could barely breathe. He couldn’t even remember the last time anyone had given him a work out like this, especially since Saga had been his main client lately, and Saga was skinny and couldn’t really do much damage, especially to a pro like Shou. But this guy…

Shou watched him get off the bed and search around for his phone. He was a massive man, both tall and wide, and he was probably at least 40 years old. Normally, Shou would be sick to his stomach at having to sleep with him. But this man was exactly the kind of client Shou needed.

He could barely remember how he’d ended up with him. All he could remember was meeting him and the rest of his loan buddies the night before to pay him back what he owed him with the money he‘d gotten from Saga. Somehow, the group had ended up at a bar, and Shou had come along since he had nothing to do. He really wasn’t the type to go out and socialize, especially at bars with greasy older men who could beat the shit out of him at any moment. But last night, he felt whimsical, and decided to go when they invited him.

It had been drinking game after drinking game, and somewhere along the line Shou had found out that their boss — the man he was with now — really had the hots for him. Shou had been a bit grossed out, and surprised at the same time, until he realized that this man had lots of money and lots of power. So when he asked Shou to come back to his apartment that night, Shou just couldn’t decline. Besides, he was already so wasted that the man suddenly didn’t look quite as gross.

Shou’s body and mind ached as he struggled to remember the details. Oh yeah, they’d fucked. Drunkenly and awkwardly, since Shou was probably one-quarter his size, but they had. Then Shou tried to leave, but ended up just passing out in the bed, since he was already so hammered.

Looking around him, Shou wished he had left. Because when they had both woken up that morning, the man wanted more. Despite being hungover, Shou obliged, and this time it was much, much more painful. Watching the man waddle around the bedroom wearing nothing but a towel and gabbing on his cell phone while reminding himself what he’d just done — and what he’d done last night — made his stomach turn.

“Oh yeah, last night was fun alright,” the man laughed into his phone. Shou had no idea who he was talking to, or even who he really was. What was his name again? Shou thought hard, but his brain hurt too much. It was pounding, especially after just getting fucked again by the whale.

“Yeah, I’ll let him know,” the man said, turning to look at Shou. Shou wanted to look away from that gaze, but instead just lowered his eyelids a little. Yeah, he was used to getting fucked by big, gross, greasy, seedy men, but something about this guy was just…the worst. Maybe the fact that he and his friends had beaten Shou up so many times before. Or the fact that he fucked him while he was hungover. Shou didn’t know, but he couldn’t look at this guy much longer, he knew that.

Sighing, he sat up and looked around for his clothes. He had no idea where anything was, or even what part of town he was in. This was one of the reasons he didn’t like to drink — he always ended up God knows where with God knows who. At least when he was on drugs he had more control…

Before Shou could find anything, he felt the bed dip down. The man — oh, what was his name? — was sitting on the edge, head turned towards Shou. “So, that was a friend of mine.”

Shou nodded, barely listening, just trying to plan his escape.

The man continued. “He said he’d like to give you a try too. Said you looked pretty damn fine last night.”

Shou’s interest was suddenly piqued. “Really?” He asked. He had no idea so many of these big-shots were gay.

He nodded. “Yeah.” Standing up and stretching, he continued. “And he says that if he likes you, he can get a lot more business for you.” The man smiled, satisfied, like he’d found Shou first. “Seems like you’re pretty desirable, kid.”

Shou nodded. Despite feeling disgusting, this was very good news. These guys were all rich, all major power players, and all with connections that were just as powerful. Maybe he could finally move up a bit, stop wearing holes in his shoes with his face filthy and his nose running. Maybe this was something he could actually work for and achieve. “Thanks,” he replied meekly.

“No problem, I‘ll have him call you later so we can get together tonight or something,” the man replied as he walked to the bathroom. “You can go, by the way. Your money’s on the bed. Thanks for the time.”

Yes! Shou thought. I can fucking leave. He scrambled out of bed quickly and found his clothes on the other side of the bed. He dressed as fast as he could, wanting to get home and maybe take a very very cold shower.

He grabbed the money and nearly ran out of the apartment. The sunlight hit his eyes and burned, making his head throb, but he didn’t care. He was away from that gross man, that gross —

“Matsuyama-san!” He exclaimed. That was the man’s name. Wow, how the fuck did I remember that? He wondered. Shaking his head, he walked down the street, trying to find out where he was so he could just get home.

When he rounded the first corner, still lost, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Oh shit, he thought. He pulled it out, flipped it open, and saw that he had twelve missed calls, all from Saga, seven new voicemails, all presumably also from Saga, and ten unread texts.

He started with the texts. They all generally said the same thing. “Where are you?” and “Why won’t you answer me?” and “Shou, are you mad at me? Please answer.”

Oh fuck, Saga…why are you so damn attached to me? I’m your dealer, not your boyfriend. I’m your fucking prostitute. He sighed, and didn’t even bother listening to the voicemails. He just went to his recent calls until found Saga’s number and pressed the call button on his phone.

The phone rang less than once before Saga answered, breathless. “Hello? Shou?”

“Hey, Saga-kun,” he answered slowly.

“Shou, are you okay? You didn’t answer me last night, I was really worried, and—”

“Saga, I’m fine, seriously,” Shou interrupted. “You really don’t need to worry so much.”

“I know, I know, but when it comes to you I can’t help it…” Saga almost sounded like he was going to cry. Shou figured he’d probably been up all night with his coke, so he was probably coming down pretty hard right now and not feeling so hot. But neither was Shou, and he really couldn’t handle Saga right now.

“Saga, listen to me,” Shou said, voice strong. “You’re important to me, really important, but I want you to understand the kind of relationship we have, because you seem to have the wrong idea.”

“No, I get it,” Saga replied, and Shou was positive he heard some sniffling in his voice. “I just…I can’t help it. I really—”

Shou was feeling like this situation was getting a lot more complicated than something that could be solved over the phone. “Where are you?” He interrupted, again, patience wearing thin.

“…I went back home early this morning. Why?” Saga asked, voice a mix of hurt and curiosity.

“I’m coming over,” Shou said. He didn’t ask, he stated it, not caring if it pissed Saga off.

But of course it didn’t. “Okay, sure,” Saga replied, sounding a bit happier to hear that. “Whenever you want, I’ll be here.”

“Okay, I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Shou said before hanging up the phone.

He just had to figure out where he was first.

**

Even though he would never admit that he was excited about being invited to Mikado’s party tonight, Hiroto found himself nearly running home, in spite of himself. In his mind he was mentally sorting through what clothes he had that would be acceptable to wear to a club. Unfortunately, he knew easily that he really had nothing.

Hiroto’s mother was watching TV when he got home, and nearly had a heart attack when she witnessed her normally very calm and relaxed son stampede into their small apartment, yelling “Tadaima” hastily before rushing to his room and slamming the door.

Somehow, all of Hiroto’s clothes seemed hideous all of a sudden. He hadn’t given a damn about fashion or looking good for pretty much his entire life, especially since most of the time he wore the same ugly uniform. But now he found himself dying to prove that he could actually afford to dress nicely, despite how idiotic it made him feel to care so much.

“Fuck,” he whispered under his breath as he dug through his closet. Nothing was club wear. Nothing wouldn’t make him look like a total dweeb. He’d never realized before how lame all of his clothes were and it made him even angrier at himself that he had the kind of life where he couldn’t even afford to care about how he looked. But he didn’t want to dwell on this.

Hiroto glanced at the clock. It was almost 6 PM, and even though he didn’t need to arrive at Club Rain until 9, he was still worried that he was taking too long to get ready. It would take him at least an hour to get to the damn place, and he wanted to eat beforehand and do his hair…

In frustration, Hiroto threw one of the shirts he had dug up across his bedroom. “Shit…why is everything so ugly?” He sighed and pushed his hair out of his face. He knew that Mikado and his douchebags most definitely weren’t having any trouble figuring out what to wear at all, and just thinking about that got him even angrier. How come he didn’t have anything nice? And how come he didn’t even have any friends who had anything—

“Tora!” The light bulb went off and Hiroto was out of his bedroom and running across the apartment to his older brother’s room in half a second. He knew that Tora had some nice things, since he was older and had been to parties and clubs before. Also, Tora had a job, unlike Hiroto, so he was able to buy himself fashionable clothes.

He knew that Tora would be angry at him for ripping apart his room and borrowing his nicest clothes, but Hiroto didn’t even care at the moment. It didn’t even take him five minutes to find a gorgeous purple and black dress shirt with a matching tie and the nicest pairs of jeans.

Hiroto could barely breathe as he hastily threw on the clothes, so excited for how he would look. He knew that Tora was a bit bigger than he was, but not too much, and he figured he could always roll up the sleeves and pant legs if they were too long.

But Hiroto needn’t have worried at all. As he gazed at himself in Tora’s vanity mirror, he didn’t even recognize himself. He carelessly tousled his hair to give it more of an unkempt style, and he swore he didn’t even look like the same poor little guy with a sad life who got bullied everyday.

He looked amazing.

**

Shou sighed as he stepped out of the taxi that had dropped him off in front of Saga’s incredible house. He could only stand in the sun and stare up at it for a few moments, bracing himself. He’d been running over in his head everything that he wanted to tell Saga. He knew it wouldn’t be easy, and Saga would probably cry and moan but there couldn’t be any kind of attachment here. And he needed to make that crystal clear.

Saga’s enormous house was gated, of course, so Shou pushed the little call button on the box in front of the gate. It rang back to him after only a few short seconds. “Hello?” Saga’s voice came over the line timidly.

“Hey, it’s me,” Shou announced gruffly, voice sore from his long night. “Can I come in?”

Instead of hearing Saga respond, the gate opened automatically and let Shou in. He felt so odd and out of place coming into such a nice house, considering what a disgusting street whore he was. But Saga didn’t really have any better company to keep around, he supposed.

Before Shou even reached the front door, Saga appeared on the doorstep, dressed in nothing but boxers. Shou figured it was Saga’s way of trying to seduce him or something…but Shou didn’t work that way.

Not with most people, at least.

“Hey,” Saga greeted, trying to come off cool and nonchalant. Just seeing Shou was ripping his heart into pieces. But it always did. Nothing new.

When Shou reached the doorstep, he responded. “Hey. Thanks for letting me come over.”

“Sure, not a problem, you’re always welcome,” Saga smiled at him, though he knew that Shou was about to say something that would hurt him. “Come in.”

Shou nodded. “Thank you.” He walked past Saga and headed into the cool, dark house.

As Saga felt Shou pass him, he could feel his entire being longing to crash into him and hold him to his side forever. But how stupid would that be? How incredibly clingy and immature and gay? No, no. Saga held himself together, using all of his might to keep his hands to himself as Shou brushed past him. He did allow himself, however, to catch a quick glance of Shou’s nice ass before following his love inside.

**

Hiroto checked his watch for the nth time that minute. Still 9:15. He wanted to be casually late, as if he could just barely squeeze this “little get together” into his oh-so busy schedule (even though he already knew that no one would believe that story anyway). But he’d been waiting around the corner of Club Rain in the dark for almost twenty minutes now, and he was getting cold and a bit scared. So he figured that fifteen minutes was late enough and finally summed up his courage to approach the huge bouncer at the door of the club.

The bouncer, at least six feet tall, stared down at Hiroto and lifted his eyebrow, as if thinking, “What the hell is this little kid doing out so late?” But instead of saying that, he simply grunted, “Name.”

Hiroto bit his lip. “Uh…Ogata.”

It only took half a second for the bouncer to find Hiroto’s name on his list and step aside to let him in. Hiroto paused before walking in, since he didn’t know what the bouncer wanted him to do, but quickly rushed in when he saw some other huge people walking around the corner.

The club was huge and dark with strobe lights and dancing bodies everywhere. There was a bar off in the corner that was lit up underneath a black light and the bartender was wearing a very classy looking suit and happily serving drinks. There was loud talking and loud music – some American hip hop or something – and Hiroto could feel his heart racing.

Being so captivated by the scenery, Hiroto forgot to pay attention to where he was going, and suddenly felt himself walk into a body.

“Hey!” The body exclaimed – a huge body – as it turned around and stared down at Hiroto. “Watch it fucker.”

Hiroto’s eyes widened. “Oh – I’m so sorry!” He apologized, but the guy had already left. As he rubbed his nose, which had got smushed into the man’s back, he muttered, “Damn, all these guys here are so big…I thought Asians were supposed to be kinda small…”

“Nope, just you!”

Hiroto whirled around and saw Mikado and Daisuke standing there. Mikado had a huge smirk on his face and a drink in his hand, while Daisuke just looked like he wanted to run away.

“Oh, hey Mikado…”

“So you decided to come,” Mikado said, with a surprisingly sincere and welcoming tone. “Cool. And you look pretty sharp too! Who would have thought?”

Hiroto smiled crookedly. “Heh…thanks. I figured since it’s a club—”

“That you shouldn’t wear your uniform?!” Mikado interrupted, then laughed, finding himself far too hilarious in Hiroto’s opinion. He slapped Hiroto on the shoulder, causing the smaller boy to stumble backward a bit. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. You do look good. And help yourself to any drink, it’s an open bar tonight.”

Hiroto’s eyes widened. “Wha—I can’t drink! I’m underage!”

Mikado cocked an eyebrow at him the same way that he bouncer had. “Uh…so?” Without bothering to explain anything else to Hiroto, he turned and walked off towards some girls.

For a minute, Hiroto had to figure out if he even wanted to be here. He’d lied to his parents and told them he was going to study with Nao, and instead he went to a club for a kid who he hated and…was going to drink there? He’s only 16-years-old…he knew he shouldn’t. He knew he should just go home and study, then go to bed. Everything here was everything that his parents had warned him – forebode him – from participating in.

But something was luring him…something was making his heart race and his blood pound in his ears and his eyes widen with every moment. What was this, that he’d never experienced before, that was alerting his body so? He swallowed and tried to calm himself down. Tried to convince himself not to let his hormones go insane and to be more rational and not get so excited.

Hiroto could only ignore this rational voice though. A desire to live was welling inside him that sent the strength to his legs to carry him over to the bar, to be impulsive and not look back. He ordered a double shot of vodka as if he was some kind of pro, and downed it in a second, holding back the tears.

And he vowed, as he took shot after shot, that he wouldn’t regret this, or half ass this. He vowed to make this night the beginning of something new.

**

Shou licked his lips and looked away. Saga was sobbing in front of him, getting the living room couch soaked. And all Shou could do was stand there over him and watch him. He couldn’t reach forward and hold him and comfort him, despite the feeling that he should. He could only be callous and cold. Only this way could Saga understand.

“Saga, you know I don’t get involved—”

“I know, I get it,” Saga interrupted, voice dripping with anger and embarrassment. He choked on his sobs for a few more moments, before looking up right into Shou’s eyes. “I’m not a dumbass Shou. And it’s not like I’m asking you to be my damn boyfriend or anything. I just—” he sniffled “—want you to be my friend. And I want you to accept my help and my care. Why is that so hard?”

These words pierced Shou’s heart. Saga said he understood, but he just didn’t. “I can’t…become your friend Saga. Even that is too much. I can’t have you caring about me, and I can’t have you help me.”

“Why not?” Saga stood up, face red, looking like he was about to scream. “Why can’t I help you?”

Shou just bit his lip, trying to find the words to explain. “I just can’t accept it Saga. I don’t want it, nor do I believe I need it—”

“What?!” Now Saga was screaming. “How can you say that? How can you say you don’t need help?! Shou, you’re a wreck. You’re living a dirty, illegal, sick life! You’re the lowest person I know!”

The impact of these words hit both Shou and Saga at the same time. “I didn’t mean—”

“No,” Shou shook his head, fed up. “You said it. And I’m out. I have somewhere to be anyway and I don’t have time or energy to keep going on with you like this.” Unlike Saga, he wasn’t the type to raise his voice and get upset. Instead, he simply turned around quickly, walking through the living room, down the hallway, heading for the front door as fast as his long legs could carry him.

Saga ran after him, desperate to explain, wishing he could have kept his big mouth shut. “I’m so sorry Shou, you know that I don’t feel that way about you really.”

“I don’t deserve this shit, I shouldn’t have to cater to your damn mood swings,” Shou continued as he hastily put on his jacket by the front door. Turning back around to Saga, he said, so poisonously, “Honestly Saga, you’re just another client to me. That’s all you are, and all you’ll ever be.” Without waiting to here what Saga could possibly say in response, he opened the door and walked out into the night, slamming the door behind him as heavily and angrily as he could.

On the other side of the door, a broken, lonely boy’s tears flowed freely down his face. Leaning his forehead against the door, wishing he could take back everything, he whispered to nobody, “Please…I love you…”

**

The club was spinning brightly and everything made Hiroto laugh. He didn’t know who he was talking to, or why they were talking about odd topics like masturbation and goats, and but it didn’t even matter. Hiroto had forgotten why he came there, and what feelings he’d had just a few short moments ago. Right now he couldn’t stop dancing, couldn’t stop smiling, and couldn’t stop making friends with random strangers. He kept asking himself why he’d never gotten drunk before, since it was so damn fun.

He went into the bathroom to pee for the millionth time in the past hour and found himself staring into the mirror, with the biggest grin on his face he’d ever seen. There were about ten other guys in the bathroom with him, but Hiroto didn’t even care. In a big, loud, dopey voice, he asked his reflection, “Do you like ponies?” Then he giggled and stumbled back out to the dance floor, not noticing the weird stares he was receiving from everyone else in the bathroom.

He kept dancing, and kept drinking, not feeling sick or lightheaded or prepared to stop. Why should he stop? At this point, he owned the world, and he was dancing lightly on top of it.

**

Big, fat, greasy, sweaty, disgusting fingers danced up Shou’s thighs. The sight made him want to vomit, and the man who was doing it didn’t help either.

Although these power-playing yakuza bosses were fucking loaded and had incredible connections, Shou just wasn’t in the mood to play the pretty little fuck toy tonight. Not after that shit that had gone down with Saga. After that, all Shou wanted to do was go out to the dance floor of the club and drink and dance till he couldn’t feel anything anymore.

But he was stuck back in one of the private V.I.P. rooms of Club Rain. Hating his situation. Hating his clients. Hating his life.

“So Matsuyama tells me that you’re pretty fun…” The man whispered to Shou, possibly trying to come onto him, but completely killing it by being disgusting and having breath that smelled like rotten fish tacos.

But Shou kept his composure and nodded, avoiding eye contact with the man. Whoever he was. Matsuyama-san’s “friend” of some sort. “Yes, Matsuyama-san and I had…quite a nice time last night.” Shou knew how to maintain professionalism. After all, he needed this to stay alive. Being nice to this gross man tonight could mean not going hungry tomorrow.

Shou could only stare longingly at the clock on the other side of the low-lit room. It was only 11:30…who knows how long he’d have to be here before the man finally decided it was time to go fuck. And then he’d have to deal with that…Shou just wanted to fall over and die right now.

The minutes passed with the man whispering more disgusting, unsexy things in his ear while Shou obediently played along, being desirable and coy and ready for anything. But he was getting more and more annoyed, and angry, and hot and sick and…

“I need to use the restroom really quick,” Shou said to the man just as he was about to make another attempt to grab his poor crotch. He stood up off the leather couch and walked as quickly as he could to the velvet curtain that separated their room from the rest of the club. He had to get out, if only for a moment.

“Okay, hurry back!” The man called, making Shou wince.

Once back out on the floor, Shou could breathe. He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, calming himself, trying to remind himself that he needed to do this, despite how much he hated it. He had no other choice.

The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes again was the bar. It was calling to him. He made a beeline for the bartender, just wanting to get something – anything – in his system. To make tonight just a bit easier.

Shou chilled at the bar for a moment with his drink. He knew he couldn’t be there too long. He’d get in trouble and might lose some very important clients if he made them wait. But he just wanted freedom…just for a minute.

As Shou stared absent-mindedly out at the dance floor, he saw something that made him do a double-take. He couldn’t be seeing things…could he? Was it really…?

Setting down his nearly-empty drink, Shou’s feet followed where his eyes noticed something. He ignored the random girls that tried to get his attention, just walking right past them. He was on his way to something much more important.

**

Hiroto was in his own world, dancing with whoever wanted to dance with him, but mostly just with himself. He spun around, jumped, and felt the ground shaking beneath him…or maybe it was his knees shaking? He didn’t notice the time or the people. He didn’t really notice anything but the music and his own existence in it.

But his trance was disrupted when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He stopped dancing and swayed for a moment before turning around. There was someone in front of him. A man. A very tall man. A very tall, familiar man…

“Hiroto-kun?” The man asked.

Hiroto blinked and swayed some more. “Uhh…” He didn’t know what to say. Obviously this person knew him but…

“Do you remember me, Hiroto-kun?”

Suddenly, it hit him. The big eyes, the sandy, careless hair, and the long legs… “Shou?” Hiroto didn’t remember if that was his name or not, but he was pretty sure it was. Or at least, a nickname of some kind. He looked like the kind of guy who’s lost his “real name” years ago, along with his innocence.

Shou smiled. “You do remember me…” Suddenly the entire night had changed. Somehow Hiroto had come back into Shou’s life, despite the millions of people in this city. Their paths crossed again, and all the bullshit with Saga and the loathing over the disgusting clients was gone. Hiroto was there. That cute, sweet boy who Shou had instantly fallen for when he went to save his life. Somehow, for some reason, Hiroto was here. Now. And Shou wasn’t ready to let him walk away again.

Hiroto started dancing again and Shou could only laugh. “You’ve been drinking tonight, huh?”

Hiroto nodded and smiled comically, eyes shining, cheeks red, and hair falling into his face adorably. “I never drank before…ever!” He yelled excited and started banging his head to the music, body not even falling into some kind of beat. He just seemed to make up his own.

Shou watched him for a moment, feeling his heart soften and warm. A huge smile was plastered to his face in such a way that nothing could remove it, just from how accidentally charming Hiroto was. There was no mistake that he was someone he already knew that he needed in his life. Just by watching him now, Shou knew he couldn’t let him go, despite what he’d told himself just a day before.

Hiroto stopped dancing and stared at Shou. “Why are you so still?! Dance with me!” He demanded. He suddenly pulled Shou closer to him and began dancing right up against the older boy’s body, making him surprised and nervous.

It was difficult to copy Hiroto’s sloppy, random movements, but Shou was able to form a rhythm after a few minutes. He’d danced with so many people before – guys, girls, whatever – and it had just been like stupid fun. Just to be a whore. But dancing with Hiroto felt like a real connection was forming. He found himself secretly getting closer and closer to the boy. He wanted to touch him more…the music and the atmosphere and the movements of his small yet capable body were all turning him on too much. But he didn’t let himself get too carried away…after all, he didn’t want to scare him away.

After several minutes of dancing, Hiroto stopped and leaned forward, startling Shou. He looked up. “I’m dizzy…” he stammered, and swayed a bit.

Shou stopped dancing too and laughed. “You wanna sit…” But he couldn’t finish his sentence. Hiroto was staring up at him, eyes bright and full of wanting. Shou swallowed. He couldn’t stop this moment. He didn’t know what Hiroto wanted, or what he was thinking, but from what he could tell, Hiroto was ready. Ready for something.

Before he could stop himself, tell himself how wrong it was, Shou leaned down, wrapped his arms around Hiroto’s waist, brought their bodies flush, and kissed him.

The club spun, the music blasted, and before it was even done, they both already knew the truth. Hiroto had wanted a new beginning, and he had gotten it.

But too bad for him – he had no idea what he was getting himself into.

It Dreams 1/?

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 09:48:58 GMT

Title: It Dreams
Author: Caitlin
Pairing(s): ShouxHiroto, ShouxSaga, ToraxSaga (later), maybe more to come
Rating: NC-17
Chapter: 1/?
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
Summary: Forbidden love of the innocent-high-school-kidxdrug-dealing-prostitute variety. And other things.
A/N: I wrote this story many months ago, just finally posting it. I hope everyone enjoys it, I'm somewhat unsure about it~

Chapter One
"We Were Born For This"

Another one.

Another one.

And another one.

The crumpled pieces of paper kept hitting Hiroto in the head, over and over. He didn’t even bother to look back -- he knew exactly who was throwing them. It was Mikado Kiriyama, the biggest asshole in the 11th grade. And ever since Hiroto had gotten a better grade in English than Mikado had, he’d been the target of nonstop bullying, much to the relief of his previous victims. Not to Hiroto.

He’d gone to teachers, to the principal, and hell -- he even told his older brother Tora about the bullying. No one listened. No one cared. Mikado was the kind of boy who would lie his ass off and look like a total angel in front of authority, when in reality he was a complete prick. No one was on Hiroto’s side, and Hiroto knew it. Mikado knew it too, and that just made the bullying that much easier.

Yet another piece of paper hit his head, but Hiroto still didn’t turn around. He sat in silence, clenching his fists. There were literally piles of paper around his desk. How did Noda-sensei not even notice this? He may be old and nearly senile, but Hiroto was in the front row. It was hard to miss.

Luckily, the bell rang to signal lunchtime. Hiroto sighed, gathered his things, and left the room as quickly as he could. He knew Mikado and his little crew wouldn’t stop him to bother him in the middle of a crowded classroom. Their tactic was a bit less direct -- and more dirty -- than that.

In the busy lunchroom, Hiroto managed to find his one good friend, Nao, sitting at their typical table in the corner by the window overlooking the soccer field. Nao seemed to have his face buried in a book called How to Bake Cupcakes the American Way. Hiroto laughed as he made his way to the corner; Nao was always reading strange things.

Hiroto sat down loudly, visibly startling the other one. “Oh! Shi--” Nao nearly cursed. “Pon, you scared the crap out of me!”

“Ah, sorry, sorry,” Hiroto apologized half-heartedly. Slightly embarrassed, he pulled his Rilakkuma bentou out of his school bag. He’d asked his parents for a new one, since Rilakkuma was 1) girly, and 2) for 5-year-olds, but they were such penny-pinchers that they refused. The Rilakkuma bentou wasn’t even originally his, it was Tora’s. But they figured it was still good, even after Tora had used it for several years in school, so they handed it down to Hiroto.

Nao giggled a bit as Hiroto opened his lunch, but Hiroto didn’t care. He smiled anyway when he saw that for today, his mom had packed him pork gyouza, rice with denbu, and spaghetti with marinara. It was sort of a strange combination of foods, but it was what Hiroto really loved. All the bullying he’d just received before lunch was suddenly forgotten as he lifted his chopsticks and started in on the spaghetti.

Nao finally set down his book and looked at Hiroto. “Okay, so, I really wanna know something,” he announced, voice hushed a bit.

Hiroto nodded, encouraging him on, spaghetti hanging from his mouth.

“What do you think…of Kurenai-san?” Nao asked shyly, blushing noticeably.

Hiroto thought for a moment. “Oh, you mean the new girl? Mitsuko?”

Nao nodded. “Yeah, her. Have you met her yet?”

“Yeah, she seems okay,” Hiroto responded nonchalantly.

“Yeah…I think she’s so pretty,” Nao sighed. “I’d really love to talk to her but I can’t.”

Starting in on his gyouza now, Hiroto asked, “Why not? She’s not that pretty.”

Nao looked shocked. “Yes she is! Too pretty for me to talk to anyway.”

Hiroto smiled at his endearingly shy friend. “You don’t know that. She may really like you if she got to know you!” Suddenly, Hiroto felt someone standing behind him. Before he could even guess who it was, he saw Mikado reaching down and grabbing his bentou right from underneath his hand.

“Oh…my…God…” Mikado gaped. “I can’t believe you bring a fucking Rilakkuma child’s bentou to school. I mean, having to bring your own lunch is sad enough, but this just takes the cake.” He laughed his annoying, rich boy laugh, which his three shadows mimicked, and set the bentou back down in front of Hiroto, not so gently. Then he sat down in the empty chair between Hiroto and Nao. Looking straight at Hiroto, showing no signs of empathy or care, he said, with all the malice he could muster (which was easy for him), “You and your family are so fucking pathetic. Fucking trash.”

Behind him, Hiroto could hear the other three laughing at what their leader had just said, like it really was that funny. He could feel tears starting to form in his eyes, and he could hear Nao yelling at Mikado from what felt like far away. But that was because he wasn’t really listening. He was so tired of this, so tired of being hurt every day, for no reason.

Abruptly and almost violently, Hiroto stood up, pushing his chair out behind him, yelling, “Hey!” at the top of his lungs. The laughter ceased, Nao stopped yelling, and somehow as he had stood up, Hiroto had rammed the chair into Mikado’s right hand man, Daisuke Miyazaki, who grunted as it hit him right in the stomach. But Hiroto didn’t care. “…Hey,” he said again, this time with much less force and volume.

Mikado raised an eyebrow at him. “What?” He asked viciously. “What do you have to say to me, trash?”

Hiroto swallowed, gathering up all his courage and forcing it out through his mouth. “I’m…I’m fucking tired of getting shit from you every day, Kiriyama. I’m done. You obviously have a problem with me, even though we’ve been going to school together since first grade, and I’ve never done a fucking thing to you. Hell, I’ve even stayed out of your way.” Hiroto had started now, he couldn’t stop. The words kept coming, despite the look of pure hatred on Mikado’s face and the look of awe on Nao’s. “So, whatever problem you have with me, why don’t you just get it all out?” His voice was shaky but he spoke clearly.

Licking his lip, Mikado looked intrigued. “Not that I have any reason whatsoever to take orders from you, but how do you propose I do that?”

“Well…” Hiroto looked around. He realized that he didn’t really have a plan with this little speech. But he thought of something. Looking back at Mikado’s smug, pimply face, he said, “After school, meet me behind the tennis courts.”

Mikado laughed a little at this suggestion. “And…?”

“And…you’ll see.” Hiroto didn’t know what to say to that, so he just bullshitted it a bit. He figured Mikado probably wouldn’t show up anyway, so it was all just crap. “And after that, you have to promise to leave me alone. Forever.”

Standing up, Mikado towered over Hiroto, but he wasn’t scared. “Okay,” he said after a brief pause. “We’ll be there. I don’t know what for, but since you invited me so nicely, I guess I can come see what you…peasants…like to do for fun.” He gave Hiroto one final venomous look before turning to walk out of the cafeteria, with his minions in tow.

Hiroto sighed and collapsed into his chair, feeling his heart beat in his ears. He looked up to see Nao staring at him, mouth agape, in shock.

“Wow Pon,” he breathed. “You’re…amazing.”

Hiroto managed a small smile. “Thanks.”

“But…what are you gonna do?” Nao asked. “You aren’t gonna…fight him, are you?” He bit his lip, looking worried.

Hiroto had no idea what he was gonna do. No idea what would happen.

**

“Mmmm…” Saga moaned, sniffling a little. “God that shit’s good. I think I’ll have another.” Leaning down, he brought the small red-and-white straw to his nose and carefully placed it at the end of the thin white line, drawing it quickly across the glass of the small cosmetic mirror as he inhaled strongly through his nose, the powder going straight up into his blood, already pulsing with poison. He shuddered -- it went right to his heart, causing it to beat like crazy, and it felt amazing. “Ohhhh…” he moaned again. He set the small mirror carefully down on the table by the bed and fell back into the sheets, feeling his skin crawl with pleasure.

Across the messy hotel room, an unkempt figure sat in the dark corner, watching Saga indulge his dirty habit as he squeezed the cash in his hand tightly before placing it carefully in the right pocket of his jeans. He didn’t want to have anything to do with it, he just needed the money. That was the only way he could remind himself not to get involved. Not again…

Feeling a bit lonely, Saga looked across the room. He smiled, feeling the cocaine rushing through his body, and he didn’t feel like being alone. “Shou, come over here sweetheart,” he coaxed.

Shou stood up on cue. He knew where this was going. He always knew where it ended up, especially when he brought Saga uppers. He sat down next to the brunette, who looked so beautifully drugged he couldn’t help but feel sorry that he was the one who was slowly killing this gorgeous man.

Saga reached up and brushed a few strands of dirty hair from Shou’s face. “You’re so pretty; I can’t help but want to call you every day.”

Shou chuckled a bit. “You do call me every day.”

“Hah, yeah, I do,” Saga laughed too when he realized this. “Sorry about that.”

Shaking his head, Shou smiled. “Don’t worry about it. Your money keeps me alive.”

Saga sat up and leaned in, kissing Shou harshly, not waiting for some romantic moment. Shou wasn't romantic, and Saga knew that, although it did hurt him sometimes. “You keep me alive, baby,” Saga whispered against Shou’s lips.

“Then we’re good together,” Shou replied. Slowly, he ran his hands up and down Saga’s sides, warming him up, enticing him. If he could get Saga to pay for some time with him right now, combined with the cash he’d just gotten for the two grams of coke he’d hooked Saga up with, he could finally afford to pay off the loan sharks who’d been hounding him and, occasionally, beating him up, for the past three weeks. He needed the money, and he needed it tonight. He couldn’t bear another dirty street fight with those sick fucks. Shou almost always had drugs on him, usually in high quantities, and if he ever got caught by the cops, a street fight is one thing, but possession charges would put him away for a long time. No, he definitely had to get the loan sharks off his back, and sleeping with Saga would make that possible.

But Saga didn’t need a lot of convincing. He’d had this planned all along. It’s not as if Saga didn’t know what would happen once he’d gotten the coke in him. He always got turned on by drugs, which was why he specifically asked Shou to stay with him in the suite while he did it. He’d even offered Shou a few lines, but Shou turned it down. Saga knew Shou used to be an addict, so in a way he felt bad about offering it. But he never liked to be the only one doing it.

“Shou,” Saga groaned. He pulled on Shou’s shirt, and Shou immediately lifted his arms and let Saga remove his shirt. Saga pushed him down, straddling his hips, wanting to be in control, as always. And Shou always let him. After all, Saga was his best client and had a huge trust fund to spend on nothing but drugs of all varieties and sex. And plus, the boy was a hot piece. Shou certainly didn’t want to lose this boy as a client, so he let him do -- and have -- whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. Hell, if Saga called Shou and asked him to deliver a pizza, Shou would do it.

Saga removed his own clothes with haste and ease, then leaned down to place kisses along Shou’s ribcage, which was extremely visible, along with a few bruises and scratches. This sight both saddened and aroused Saga. He stopped kissing when he reached the waistband of Shou’s jeans. “Shou,” he cooed, looking up into his dealer’s pretty face.

“Hm? What’s wrong?” Shou asked, worried he’d changed his mind.

Saga looked concerned. “Why, whenever I invite you to share what you bring me, you always say no? And whenever I ask to buy you food or something, you always say no?”

Shou paused. This was the kind of place he really didn’t want to go with Saga, but things had been quickly approaching it for awhile now. “Umm, well, I don’t wanna get to a very personal relationship with any of my clients,” he replied, trying to sound as nice as possible.

Saga cocked his head and softly caressed one of Shou's largest bruises, right next to his bellybutton, with his fingertips. “Why not?”

“Because, it’s just not good professionalism,” Shou replied calmly. “And honestly, Saga, I think it’s really sweet that you try to share with me and want to buy me things, but I’m totally fine. I don’t need--”

“You don’t look fine,” Saga interrupted as his fingers danced over a few more of Shou’s bruises, then his ribs. Shou’s body was beautiful, every inch of it, but it hurt Saga to think that Shou couldn’t even take care of himself.

Shou knew Saga felt bad for him, but he felt strongly that he didn’t want or need anything from Saga other than the money he fairly owed him. He hated being pitied, so he always rejected any free hand outs, even from Saga, which always proved to be a little difficult.

Saga was from on the richest families in town, with parents who would always just leave their 19 year old son alone for months at a time with nothing but an overflowing bank account while they went away to foreign countries, only coming home maybe once or twice a year to see if Saga was still alive and their mansion was still standing. They didn’t care about their son, or what he did, as long as he didn’t bother them. Shou figured this was probably one of the reasons why Saga had been living in this hotel room for the past month or so -- being in his enormous house all by himself was probably horrible. And it was easier for Shou to come here than to go there.

Shou still remembered clearly how they'd come together. One night, two months earlier, Saga’s loneliness drove him to call the number of a male prostitute that an old high school friend had given him as a joke. It turned out that said prostitute was Shou, who also introduced Saga to the wide world of narcotics. Soon, Saga was calling Shou two, three, four times a week. Now Saga bought something from Shou daily, and paid him to sleep with him almost daily.

Saga didn’t know what he’d do without Shou, so he always tried to keep him healthy and safe and protected. But no matter how many times he offered Shou anything he wanted, Shou always politely declined, saying he could take care of himself. Saga failed to believe this however, because every day Shou seemed to be thinner than the day before, oftentimes with more cuts and bruises than the day before as well. Every day he expected to wake up and find that Shou had been murdered, especially since Shou never told him what kind of stuff he did in all the time when they weren't together. Saga could only imagine...

Shou reached up and touched Saga’s face gently. Saga leaned into the touch, closed his eyes, and sighed. “Believe me, Saga,” Shou whispered. “If I really wasn’t fine…I would tell you.” He didn’t even know if that was true, but he wanted Saga to feel more at ease about everything. He worried more about Shou than Shou did.

Saga smiled and opened his eyes. He brushed his hand over Shou’s and grasped it. “Really?” He asked.

Shou nodded. He brought Saga’s face down to his and whispered, “In case you didn’t know, you’re my number one.” In a rare act of forcefulness, Shou kissed Saga on the lips, as gently as possible. He didn’t want to take away all of the dominance and risk angering Saga.

But Saga was far from angry. His eyes were smiling, and he kissed Shou back, pushing him into the sheets, and began to devour his mouth. Feeling suddenly energetic again, Saga reached down and unzipped Shou’s jeans and forcefully pulled them and the boxers beneath off of Shou. Without even waiting for a response, Saga grabbed Shou’s half-hard member and began to stroke it quickly.

Beneath him, Shou began to moan and writhe. He broke away from Saga’s mouth momentarily, to ask, “Do you want this today too, Saga-kun?” He already figured, but to be professional, he needed to make absolutely sure.

Saga nodded right away. “Yes, fuck, Shou, I want you so bad,” he resumed kissing Shou’s abused lips, tongues searching and entwining. Saga reached up and grabbed at Shou’s hair and pulled, eliciting a noise that was a mixture of surprise and pleasure from Shou.

When Saga felt that Shou was completely hard, he pulled away from the kiss and stood up off the bed. Shou sat up, confused, and was about to ask what was going on when he saw Saga at the bedside table, leaning over, and heard him making that oh-so familiar huffing sound yet again.

Saga returned to his place atop Shou a moment later. “Sorry,” he said, rubbing his bright red nose. “Just needed one more before this.”

Shou nodded. “It’s cool.”

Saga leaned down and kissed Shou lightly, just once, then looked right in his big eyes, excited. “You don’t need preparation, do you?”

Shou laughed a little. “You know I don’t…”

“That’s right! You’re so loose…” Saga sat up and positioned himself at Shou’s entrance, spreading his dealer’s long legs. He didn’t feel like wasting time today with foreplay. He was too damn horny right now.

Shou smiled, and even blushed a little, which was rare for him. “Hey, it’s your fault I’m so loose…”

“Whatever, whore,” Saga teased as he pushed roughly into Shou. No lube, no fingers, nothing. And Shou took it all like a champ, face scrunched up a little in pain, but overall he looked like he always did -- the most beautiful piece of trash. Used, broken, filthy, but so beautiful. Irresistible. In the most dirty way imaginable.

Caught up in the incredible beauty that he was faced with, Saga began to pound into Shou harshly, not even wanting to start slow. He knew by now that even if Shou was in pain, he’d never say so. He’d take anything and everything that Saga gave him because despite the fact that Shou never accepted anything extra from Saga, Saga knew quite well that Shou needed him. Shou would never ever want to lose Saga, so Saga could do anything and Shou would still come when he called. Saga never wanted to take advantage of this power, though, because he really cared about Shou. But it did have his advantages, and hard fucking without restraints was one of those advantages.

“Oh, fuck, yeah, Saga, don’t stop,” Shou moaned. He rocked his hips up, wanting more, obviously not in any pain. Then again, Shou had considerable experience for someone of only 20 years old. Saga didn’t know how long Shou had been doing what he’d been doing, because Shou didn’t want to tell him (Shou never really told him anything actually), but Saga figured it was at least for the past two years, maybe longer. Saga really didn’t care who Shou used to be, all he knew was that Shou needed him. And that made him happy enough.

Reveling in this knowledge, Saga plowed into the gorgeous man beneath him, watching him clutch at the sheets as he was completely lost in his pleasure. He felt his own cock go deeper as Shou’s hips met his thrusts, and knew he’d hit that sweet, tender spot when Shou screamed. He always tried to get there quicker and quicker each time. Sometimes he did, sometimes he didn’t. What mattered is that he did.

Shou threw his head back and moaned out something gargled and incomprehensible. He was utterly in Heaven right now, every nerve in his body aflame, common sense and rationality lost. He looked up into Saga's face, which held that beautiful expression that told Shou he was in total ecstasy right now, and for a moment, Shou felt like he was falling for the boy. But his breath caught in his throat suddenly, and he looked away, reminding himself that this was a deal, and that was all. That's all it will ever be. But sometimes, Shou felt something about Saga just got his heart beating a little faster...

Despite his cold and almost frightening appearance and disposition, Shou was actually a very sexual person, and would sleep with pretty much anyone as long as they paid him. And he loved sex with Saga the most, and he felt blessed to get it nearly every day. Sometimes more than once a day if Saga was really lonely. He quite often had to tell himself not to become too attached to him, as he was such a strict believer in professionalism. But he couldn’t help himself sometimes; Saga was young, hot, and rich, and called him every day. He was even amazing at fucking! No, he would certainly never say no to this boy.

Saga could feel his orgasm coming, and to make sure Shou came too (he always loved for them to come together) he reached down and began stroking Shou’s cock, now weeping with pre-cum and flushed red. He heard Shou moan deep in his throat as he did this, and he delighted in the beautiful sound.

“Oh…oh God Saga…don’t stop, don’t stop,” Shou’s cries became louder and more desperate. Saga knew he was close, and he began pounding harder, unstoppable, hitting Shou’s prostate with each thrust.

“Yes! Fuck, yes...mmm...just like that,” Shou moaned. He arched his back off the bed, desperate now for release, blindly pulling Saga closer to him.

Trying to keep quiet, Saga bit back a cry as Shou dug his nails deep into his shoulder. It felt painfully good, just like everything else Shou ever gave him. He tugged harder at Shou’s cock, brushing his thumb over the tip, spreading the pre-cum around, feeling it pulse in his hand.

A few short thrusts later, and Shou was screaming as he reached his climax and spilled his seed over Saga’s hands and stomach. The sight was too much for Saga, watching Shou’s beautiful face look so lost in pleasure. Throwing his head back and letting out a cry of complete ecstasy, Saga came deep inside Shou, while still managing to somehow keep his mind together well enough to continue milking Shou until the man was through.

After they’d both finished and caught their breath, Saga pulled out of Shou painfully and laid down next to him on the bed. Both men were breathing heavily, feeling the afterglow beginning to overtake them. Saga looked over at Shou, looking so beautifully fucked and spent, his long eyelashes fluttering closed, his dirty blond hair falling in his eyes, his chest rising and falling slowly, and couldn’t help but place a small kiss on his bruised lips.

“Shit,” Shou breathed after Saga pulled away. “Good job today.”

Saga laughed a little. “Thanks,” he replied. He lifted his hand to put it on Shou’s, but before his hand could make it, Shou suddenly moved and stood up. Saga looked up at him, confused and a bit hurt. “Hey, what are you doing?” He asked.

“I just need a smoke really quick,” he replied. He dressed quickly, feeling Saga’s eyes piercing him the whole time. He didn’t really need a smoke. In fact, he didn’t smoke, but lately Saga had been getting into this annoying habit of getting all girly and cuddly after sex, and Shou just wasn’t feeling that. He didn’t like lying to Saga, but he didn’t wanna deal with this domestic crap. So he just got away for a bit, until the sex had worn off and Saga wasn’t in that kind of mood anymore.

Saga nodded as he watched Shou. “Okay, well, come right back okay?”

“Do you need me for anything else?” Shou asked.

Saga drew back a bit, hurt. “No, not really, I just…”

“Well, then, I should probably go for now actually,” Shou replied, borderline harsh. “I have to go pick some stuff up for someone.”

“I see,” Saga said, feeling tears for in his eyes. He knew not to act like this. He knew he’d only get hurt. But he didn’t want Shou to go. He didn’t want to be alone again.

When Shou was finished dressing, he walked back over to Saga, still in his same position on the bed, and held out his hand, palm up and open, trying his best to avoid eye contact. Slowly, Saga sat up, scooted over to the edge of the bed, pulled his wallet from out of the back pocket of his jeans on the floor, and handed Shou a fair amount of bills. “Keep the change,” he said coldly.

Shou noticed Saga had given him a considerable amount more than he owed him, but didn’t want to bother with that right now. He was just happy to be able to pay off his loans and get those assholes off his back. He looked down and noticed the hurt in Saga’s eyes, and he hated that this kid had gotten so attached to him, because it put him in an awkward place. But, not wanting to leave with Saga feeling upset, he leaned down and kissed Saga on the top of the head, smoothing the hair on the back of his head down with his hand. Then, he brought his hand to Saga’s chin and gently tilted his head up until their eyes met. “Don’t be sad, Saga-kun,” Shou whispered. “Whenever you need me, I’m always around.”

Saga’s pain was forgotten by these simple words and the small gesture that Shou had just made. He nodded, trying to hide the tears behind his eyelashes. “I know, Shou-kun,” he replied. He reached up to give Shou one more kiss, which was received and returned. As he pulled away, he breathed, “Maybe later.”

Shou nodded. “Just call me.” And before Saga could even blink, Shou was out the door, and he was left alone with nothing but his cocaine and the intoxicating smell of sex.

**

At exactly 3:55 that afternoon, Hiroto saw Mikado and the rest of his boys round the distant corner adjacent to the soccer field, making their way down the sidewalk outside the tennis courts, where he stood. Hiroto could feel his heart beat quicken -- he really had no clue what would happen. He’d never been in a situation like this before. He just wasn’t that kind of guy. He didn’t even know what kind of horrible karma he’d accumulated that had put him in this position. He just prayed that if they started beating him up, someone would come down the street and break it up. Though that wasn’t likely, since it was pretty much a dead end with nothing but a wharf beyond it a little ways.

He’d asked Nao to come, but Nao had flute lessons right after school. And even if he didn’t, Hiroto didn’t think Nao would come anyway. So here he was, completely alone, waiting for doom.

Too quickly, Mikado was in front of him again, and Hiroto was nearly hyperventilating. “Hey loser,” Mikado said casually, his hand on his hip, expensive watch glistening in the afternoon sun.

“Kiriyama,” Hiroto replied coolly. He tried to remain calm, even confident, but it was damn hard.

“So, tell me why the hell I’m here, with you, in the fucking street, when I could be at home in my mansion, with the help tending to my every desire, where I wouldn’t have to look at your stupid face?” Mikado asked, voice so thick with hatred and aggression Hiroto nearly wanted to just turn tail and run.

But he didn’t. He stood his ground. “Because,” he said with confidence that was nearly faked, it was barely there. “I told you, I want you to leave me alone.”

Mikado just laughed. “Why? Why the fuck should I?”

Hiroto paused. “Well…I never did--”

“Don’t care,” Mikado interrupted. “I won’t leave you alone, Ogata, because I don’t like you. I want you to leave this school. It’s not for you, see, and I don’t know why you never understood that before. You know exactly what I mean.” Mikado took a threatening step forward, scaring Hiroto a bit.

Taking a deep breath, Hiroto looked Mikado straight in the eyes. “I have just as much of a right to be here as you do,” he said coolly. He clenched his fists, waiting for something to happen at any moment.

“Aww,” Mikado mocked. “Is that what your mommy tells you?”

“Shut up!” Hiroto screamed. “You never had to work for anything, you spoiled asshole! You have no idea what it means to really give a damn about something because everything you ever wanted, you got without question!” Hiroto’s sudden anger surprised even himself, but he couldn’t help it. He’d kept this all pent in for so long, it was long passed due to come out.

Mikado looked visibly pissed off by what Hiroto had just said. “Oh, really? And what does it mean to ‘work for something’ huh? Does it mean you use the same pathetic Rilakkuma bentou as your brother because you can't even afford a new one?” Mikado took another step forward and leaned down, his face now just a few inches away from Hiroto’s, but Hiroto didn’t move. Mikado’s voice lowered to a hush, and he continued. “Does it mean you wear the same tattered rags every day?" Behind him, Hiroto could hear the other three laugh a little at this. "Does it mean you’d do anything for money?” Hiroto’s face held nothing but pure rage, and Mikado was feeding off of it. He touched the collar of Hiroto’s shirt a bit, playing with it in his fingers as he said, “Does it mean you’d even…sell your pretty little body in the streets?” Mikado grinned maniacally, and Hiroto snapped.

“Fuck you!” He screamed as he pushed Mikado backwards with all his might. Mikado’s face went from enjoyment to shock to anger in a split second as he was caught by Daisuke. Before Hiroto could even process what he’d just done, Mikado came right back at him and punched him in the nose.

Hiroto had never been hit before, and it hurt like hell. He flew backwards, landing onto the pavement with a thud, feeling his nostrils bleeding already as well as the wind being knocked out of him. Quickly, he turned and looked up, just in time to see Mikado’s fist, right before it hit his left eye.

**

Shou dragged his feet across the old wood that made up the pier going in no particular direction. His pockets were stuffed with weed he’d just gotten right off of a ship, and he found it a little difficult to walk because of that. He had about twenty minutes to kill before he was supposed to meet another “friend” so he decided to just kind of bum around the wharf a bit. He really loved the ocean, and always felt peaceful whenever he was here. It helped take his mind off the bottomless pit he’d dug himself into.

He turned his head and looked toward the shore. It was lined with little shops, and as his eyes passed over a Starbuck’s, he decided a nice frappuccino wouldn’t hurt. He walked, with slight discomfort due to his bulging pockets, toward the little café. He realized that it was closed before he was even halfway there, and cursed under his breath. Then he remembered there was a Starbuck’s just a block down the street from the wharf, and decided to head there.

He walked down the pier a little more before he found the street he was looking for, and turned to make his way down it. The street was vacant, probably because there wasn’t really much over here. He knew there was a high school down this street though, a rich one. Saga had probably gone to it, in fact. At that, he cursed himself again, this time for thinking about Saga. It was something he tried not to do as often as he could remember not to.

As he passed a candy shop, which he almost entered but decided against it, he heard a small scuffling sound, and then a yell. He turned and looked across the street, ahead a little ways, where he saw what looked a group of boys, obviously in some kind of fight.

Intrigued, he approached the scene quickly, but careful not to attract attention to himself. When he got directly across the street from them, he saw that there were five boys, two of which were beating a small one into the pavement, while two were just standing behind them, laughing.

This made Shou’s blood boil. He hated this shit, this four-against-one kind of thing. That wasn’t fighting, that was just being a pussy. And the boy they were beating up was fucking tiny! Shou wanted to scream, this was such bullshit. Instead of drawing attention to himself for no reason, however, he decided to just jump in and show those high school punks what kind of cowards they really were.

Halfway across the street, Shou stopped. Oh shit, he thought. I even told myself not to get in anymore fights. And fuck, fighting with high school kids? With like, ten pounds of weed on me? This is practically asking for life in prison.

Upon this second thought, Shou nearly turned back around. But he heard a small sound of utter pain and surrender from the boy on the ground. The sound pulled at Shou’s heartstrings; he knew he had to help this boy. Forgetting everything that had just told him to turn around and leave, Shou ran the rest of the way across the street, and before he could even stop himself, he grabbed one of the kids, pulled him off the one on the ground, and punched him square in the jaw.

The kid didn’t even have time to be shocked as he stumbled backward into the other one. Regaining his balance, he surged right back at Shou, while the other continued beating up the kid on the ground. But Shou wasn’t about to lose; he punched the same kid again, this time in the eye, sending him into the two useless ones standing behind him. Then he grabbed the kid who was still beating up the one on the ground and clocked him in the face too. As though this kid didn’t expect to be hit by the stranger, he fell backwards and grabbed his face in pain. Obviously, he’d never been hit before.

“The fuck you punks think you’re doing?!” Shou screamed. “You think beating him up, four against one, is fair?! What the fuck is wrong with you?! Do you assholes even have parents?!” Shou was seething, and all five of the high school boys could tell.

No one seemed to have a clue what to say to that. One of them, presumably the leader, looked like he was about to say something back to Shou, but instead just turned to the other three and said, “Let’s go, he’s learned his lesson.” Then they all got up and ran, a few times looking back to make sure Shou wasn’t chasing them.

Relieved, Shou turned around and looked at the poor boy on the pavement. He leaned down and was happy to see that the boy was at least still alive and conscious. But he had blood all over his face, and he looked like he would pass out at any moment. It made his heart weep.

“You okay?” Shou asked, not really sure what to say.

The boy shook his head. “I’m not…okay…” he replied.

Shou suddenly felt stupid for asking a question like that. “Yeah, sorry.” He sat on the ground next to the boy, put his hand behind his back, and pulled him up slowly so he was sitting. The boy fell against Shou, unexpectedly, but Shou didn’t mind. He wiped off some of the blood gently with the sleeve of his shirt.

“Ow,” the boy grimaced.

“Sorry, sorry,” Shou said hastily. He wiped even more gently. He could tell the boy was crying, but not a lot anymore. As more and more blood disappeared, Shou got a good look at the face. This boy was extremely cute, both because of his stature and his face. He looked like the kind of boy all the girls would have secret crushes on in class. The kind of boy who Shou always longed for…the cute, innocent boy who never hurt anyone. The boy who did what his parents said happily. Yes, Shou had always wanted someone in his life like that. Someone to counterbalance him and keep him from becoming too self-destructive. Shou had a bad habit of destroying himself. And letting others destroy him.

Slowly, the boy stopped sniffling, and Shou had managed to get most of the blood off. The tears had helped this process, though. And Shou didn't even care that his shirt sleeve was now covered in blood. Most of his shirts already were anyway, and Shou's appearance didn't mean much to him, as long as he was still good looking enough to get clients.

Cautiously, Shou lifted his hand to the boy’s head and began to brush his hand over his hair, the way he had with Saga earlier. Something about this boy made him feel like being tender and loving, something he never felt.

The boy looked Shou in the eyes, a bit scared, and asked, “Um, who are you?”

Shou laughed a little. “Sorry, I’m Shou,” he introduced, holding his other hand out to the boy.

He took it cautiously, and replied, “Shou…thank you for your help.” He paused for a moment, as if unsure if he should tell the stranger his name. Then finally, he whispered. “I’m…Hiroto.”

Shou smiled. “Hiroto-kun…what a cute name.” Of course such a cute boy would have such a cute name.

Hiroto just hiccupped. “I guess.” He looked so broken and hurt, Shou didn’t know what to do. He’d never been a caregiver, and now that he finally wanted to be one, he just didn’t know how. Hiroto turned to look at him, eyes red and afraid. “Shou?” He asked.

“Yeah?”

“Why…did you help me?” Hiroto looked confused, yet curious. It was adorable.

Shou thought. “Because I hate bullies, Hiroto-kun. I hate people who fight unfair like they did. It doesn’t show bravery, or class, or anything. It just shows what pansies they are.”

Hiroto laughed at this. “Yeah, they are,” he agreed. Shou’s heart melted to see the boy smiling. “Thank you, so much,” Hiroto continued. “If you hadn’t stepped in, I probably would have…”

Shou shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. I was more than happy to help you.” He moved his hand down from Hiroto’s head, where he had been continually running his fingers through the boy’s soft hair, to his back, where he began to rub comfortingly. Saga had done this to him last time he’d gotten beat up by the loan sharks, and it had made him feel better.

And it seemed to be working. Shou felt Hiroto begin to relax, and the crying stopped altogether. Shou was just in complete awe of this boy. He couldn’t believe how pretty he was, yet how fragile at the same time. He’d never been overcome with this emotion before -- this emotion that so desperately made him want to love this boy, and take care of this boy. He wasn’t that kind of guy; he could barely take care of himself. But this boy…this boy was special, Shou could tell.

Shou almost felt a little silly, sitting in the middle of a sidewalk, rubbing a blood-soaked teenager’s back, a teenager he didn’t even know, but he didn’t care. No one came down this street anyway, and even if they did, he wouldn’t give a shit. He wanted to take care of this boy right now. He needed to.

Hiroto’s eyes began to droop, and his heart slowed down significantly. Shou wondered how old the boy was, and if it would be inappropriate to just kiss him, as he wanted to so badly. Suddenly, Shou’s cell phone rang out loudly. Quickly, he reached into his pocket and fished it out, careful not to grab any weed along with it and pull it out accidentally. Shit, that wouldn't be good. Opening his phone, he saw the name of his client flash across the screen, and he suddenly remembered he had a very important deal to make.

“Fuck!” He yelled. He stood up quickly, startling poor Hiroto and causing him to fall backward. “Hello?” He answered nervously. “Yeah…yeah…I know, I’m sorry I’m late, I just got a little lost…sorry, so sorry…I’ll be there in like five. Bye.” Shou shut his phone angrily. “Shit, shit, shit,” he cursed. Then he remembered Hiroto. He looked down, apologetically. “I’m sorry, Hiroto-kun, I completely forgot.” He reached down and offered his hand to Hiroto, who grabbed it and let Shou pull up him so he was standing. “I really need to go somewhere, I’m so sorry…will you be okay?”

Hiroto nodded. “Yeah, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.” Hiroto smiled brightly, making Shou’s heart race. “Thank you so much, Shou-san. What you did…”

Shou shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. Just take care of yourself…” Shou was tempted to somehow further their connection, like ask Hiroto for his number, or even ask him if he wanted to do something with him sometime. But he couldn’t…he couldn’t let Hiroto into his life. He didn’t want this sweet, innocent, young boy to end up like poor Saga, who became a sex and drug addict overnight. No, Shou wouldn’t ruin Hiroto. Hiroto was special, and Shou couldn’t taint something so beautiful. So he resisted, with all his might, to ask Hiroto to see him again.

Hiroto nodded. “Okay, well, you go ahead and do what you need to do. I’m just gonna go home.” With that, Hiroto leaned down and picked up his bag, which had been tossed a few feet away. He was still smiling, to Shou’s delight. “Bye-bye, Shou-san,” Hiroto said happily with a wave.

Shou bit his lip, using all his willpower to just let the boy leave. “Bye, Hiroto-kun…” He watched the cute boy walk away, his step light and happy. But Shou was already attached to this boy, and he didn’t want him to leave. This boy made him feel good, made him feel caring and needed. “Fuck,” he whispered. He had to stop these little fantasies -- his real life was one thing: dealing. And that was all it would ever be. He would never fall in love. He couldn’t afford it.

But still, as he watched Hiroto walk away from him, blissfully happy, he could feel his heart aching.

Untouched // One-Shot {ShouxHiroto}

Wed, 03 Sep 2008 08:37:46 GMT

Title: Untouched
Author: Caitlin
Pairing(s): ShouxHiroto
Rating: PG
Chapter: One-Shot
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
Summary: Hiroto can't hide his feelings anymore (yeah, it's a shitty description -.-)
A/N: This is the first song fic I've ever done...I'm not really a big fan of song fics, but when I hear this song it just makes me think of Shou and Hiroto so I decided to make one (^.^)
The song, by the way, is "Untouched" by The Veronicas~
If anyone wants me to upload the song for them, I can. It's a really good, cute song :]

I go ooh ooh
You go ah ah
La la la la
Ah la la la
I can la la la la la la
I wanna wanna wanna
Get get get what I want, don't stop

It's pathetic how I watch you from all the way across the room, as if we’ve never met. We’re best friends, have been for years, and I still hide from you like this…it almost makes me want to laugh at myself for my horrible shyness around you. But you just do this to me. What else can I say? I’m in complete awe of you.

But I’m tired of standing here like this, watching you from afar. I know I can make you happy, happier than anyone else, and I wanna prove it.

Gimme gimme gimme whatcha got got
'Cause I can't wait wait wait
Any more more more more

Your eyes are shining, beautifully. You’re laughing because Reita-kun has just made a funny joke, or something. I wasn’t paying attention to him, or whoever else you’re standing over there with -- you’re the only one my eyes can ever see. Who else could take my breath away so perfectly?

I’m feeling brave -- I make my way over to you. The room is crowded, full of people pretending they're part of something we spend our whole lives creating. I’ve always hated PSC parties like this. I don’t even know these people, and they don’t know us or listen to our music. They only come for the open bar.

But none of them matter to me. My heart beats to one rhythm. And if I don’t do something about it tonight, I’m afraid it will explode from the confines of my chest.

Don't even talk about the consequence
'Cause right now your the only thing that's making any sense to me
And I don't give a damn what they say or what they think think
'Cause your the only one who's on my mind
I'll never ever let you leave me
I'll try to stop time forever
Never want to hear you say goodbye

I reach your side, and it feels like home. You tower over me, but I’m used to your tall stature. You notice me before I even get there -- I wonder if you’ve been watching me from across the room as well. You smile when I arrive next to you, and my heart aches with an unbearable longing.

“Hey, Pon,” you say quietly to me. “Finally decided to stop avoiding me, huh?”

I know you’re kidding, because you’re smiling so big, but I still didn’t want you to think I was doing anything like that. “No, I wasn’t--”

“Shou-kun!” A yell is heard from the bar, and it interrupts my feeble attempts at a confession. Shou’s attention is diverted, to Saga, who’s waving for him to come over and join him. My poor heart sinks.

You turn to me, a small smile of regret painted across your flawless face. “I’m sorry…”

I don’t know what to say to you, so I keep quiet. But you fidget, and it makes me curious. You lower your head, voice barely audible, and ask me, “Will you meet me, over by those windows—” you gesture towards the tall glass windows at the far end of the crowded room, overlooking the city “—in like five minutes? I wanna…give you something.”

I nodded, simply, but my head was swimming with questions. Even as you walked away from me, I wanted to follow...

I feel so untouched
And I want you so much
That I just can't resist you
It's not enough to say that I miss you
I feel so untouched right now
Need you so much somehow
I can't forget you
Been going crazy from the moment I met you

I don’t move from my spot, even after you’ve left. Saga is leaning in close to you, and it’s breaking my heart. Although I take it as a good sign that you’re not getting as close back, but you still look happy to be there with him. I don’t understand why I can’t be bold like Saga...why I can’t be seductive and sexy like Saga. No wonder I’m just like a little brother to you. Who would want cute little Hiroto when they could have Saga? And you only deserve the best...

See you, breathe you, I want to be you
Ah la la la, ah la la la
You can take take take take take time time
To live live, the way you gotta gotta live your life

I sulk over to the windows, four minutes early, passing by annoying P.R. posers and Ginza women. Why are they even here? Hell...why am I here? This is just another stupid record label party for charity or donations or some bullshit. But to me...it's torture. These kinds of high-profile social situations only made my heart hurt more...make me want you more...

These kinds of situations make my hormones race and my heart pound, and I always just end up doing stupid things I regret in the end...

Gimme gimme gimme all of you you
Don't be scared, I'll see you through the lonely nights
Of wanting more more more

The area by the windows is basically deserted, since the main party seems to be happening by the bar, so I collapse into a red velour chair. I look out one of the windows at the city below, shining brightly and hopefully with millions of lights, decorating my vision and stealing my breath away.

Like the beauty of this scene, I only want to show you how beautiful you are...

Don't even think about what's right or wrong or wrong or right
'Cause in the end it's only you and me
And no one else is gonna be around to answer all the questions left behind
And you and I are meant to be
So even if the world falls down today, you’ve still got me to hold you up up
And I won't ever let you down

Just as I rest my head in my hands, I hear a loud commotion from the bar. I look up, eyes finding you immediately. You’re smiling, your head tossed back, hair carelessly unkempt. Saga is clapping you on the back and smiling as well, and Miyavi is there as well, laughing his drunk ass off.

I don’t know why you’re all smiling, what you did that was so funny, but it makes my heart crack. Why can’t that be me? Why aren’t I brave enough to bring myself over to you (or call you over to me) and laugh at you and smile with you and touch you and drink with you? What’s wrong with me?

I feel so untouched
And I want you so much
That I just can't resist you
It's not enough to say that I miss you
I feel so untouched right now
Need you so much somehow
I can't forget you
Been going crazy from the moment I met you

I can only sigh and look away. You're so popular, you're so gorgeous, you're so fun...everybody loves you. And what am I to you then? You could have anybody, you're so adored. I feel as if anything I try, it won't be nearly enough compared to what you could get from anyone else. I wanna give you my soul, but to you, it could be just another stupid gift among millions. What does my adoration mean to you?

I'm depressing myself with my thoughts, so I try to ignore them and look out the window. Every street, every shop, every park...I wanna go there with you. I wanna walk there, hand in hand, seeing your breathtaking smile, just from being with me. But I know it's only a dream, a fantasy, and I need to get my head out of the clouds.

I don't know if it's been five minutes yet, but I don't care. I stand up, ready to just leave, when I hear a voice coming from behind me.

"Pon..." Your eyes are wide, your hair is messy, your smile is crooked.

This ridiculous, unglamorous simplicity in you is what I love most. I'll never find another boy like you.

I smile as you walk from behind the chair I'd been sitting in and stand right in front of me. At first, I wonder if you're drunk, but you're not. You're completely sober, and your scent and the subtle vibrations that your mere presence gives off makes my body shiver and sway. "You came," I whisper as I stare absent-mindedly at your collar, which, embarassingly, was right at my eyesight due to my shortness.

You nod. "Of course I did." You shift as you notice that I'm not looking in your eyes, so you lift my chin up gently. "It's been too long like this..."

My heart is pounding -- your hand on my chin, just the slightest touch, sends my senses into overdrive. But I'm still listening, confused. "What do you mean?" I ask.

You let your hand fall to your side again as you bite your lip. For a moment, you seem to be searching carefully for the words, and I'm holding my breath in anticipation. Is this it? "I told you...I need to give you something, right?"

I swallow nervously, and nod slowly. "Yeah...you said that..." I almost look down again, breaking the eye contact, but I don't. I can't tear myself away from your big, beautiful eyes. It's a feat I had never been able to conquer. "What is it?"

Suddenly, you step closer, our bodies almost touching. My heart is pounding in my ears -- so loud I'm certain you can hear it over the music and the sound of your own heart. Everything was happening, so fast, and I didn't know if I was awake or dreaming. But there you are, and here I am...

"Me," you reply simply. I almost couldn't believe my ears, and I didn't even have a moment to understand before you lean down and kiss me.

The confession, the kiss...my only longing for years now, has come down to this. I'm so nervous that I forget to close my eyes, but I do hastily after a moment. How long has it been since I've even kissed someone? I can't rememeber, and I don't even care. I don't want to think about anyone except you. I've always wondered how a kiss from you would feel, and now that I'm finally experiencing it, it's no lie to say that it was worth the wait.

I feel so untouched
And I want you so much
That I just can't resist you
It's not enough to say that I miss you
I feel so untouched right now
Need you so much somehow
I can't forget you
Been going crazy from the moment I met you

You break the kiss, leaving me in a daze, and whisper in my ear, "It's taken forever...I only want to be yours." And with one glance, one caress of my hand, one kiss...after so long, I feel...touched.

Velvet 9/10

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 02:32:50 GMT

Title: Velvet
Author: Caitlin
Pairing(s): ShouxHiroto, ShouxSaga, SagaxTora, NaoxKai, KaixMiyavi
Rating: NC-17
Chapter: 9/10
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
Summary: Hiroto's not only having trouble writing the last song for their new album, but having trouble with his feelings for Shou. Also, Saga, Shou's love of many months, seems to be straying...kind of a love triangle going on. Or love square. (Sorry, I'm really bad at these.)
A/N: Yay~ update :]
I'm not particularly pleased with this chapter...it's pretty long (that's not a bad thing)
But...idk.
And yeah, next one is the last :[
So please enjoy this one, second to last!
And I'm sorry it took forever ._.
Please comment to let me know you still love me ♥

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8

It seemed to take Saga forever just to figure out where he was going. His heart and mind were chaos -- how had he so easily let Shou just find out? Those letters...those stupid letters. He'd completely forgotten about them. He didn't even bother to throw them away because he didn't even remember them at all, he'd just hidden them away each time Tora would pass him a new one and then they'd just kind of slipped from his memory completely.

He cursed himself as he kicked a pebble across the sidewalk. He couldn't believe how stupid he'd been to ever even question the bond he had with Shou. He'd never find someone like him again, someone who'd stick with him through all his moodiness and take care of him and love him so strongly. Shou was like the only thing that could keep Saga grounded. And he had no idea how happy he'd been, until the happiness had been taken away...

It hurt him too much to think about this. Tears were already swelling in his eyes. How could he have been so proud? He'd been walking around, thinking he was on top of the world, with his gorgeous, sweet boyfriend and his exciting, sexual, secret lover on the side. He really thought he had it made, and he thought no one could touch him and he could just walk on whoever he wanted for his own happiness. How could he think that? Now, thinking back to how he'd acted, he was a fucking idiot in so many ways.

Not only did his boyfriend, his absolute love, not want to see him, he highly doubted that Tora would have anything to do with him after what he'd said to him. Calling him pathetic. Saga scoffed at himself; he had no right to call anyone else pathetic with the way he had been acting.

Why does it always take the most horrible confrontations before people finally realize the heartlessness and thoughtlessness of their own actions? Saga couldn't stop as he began to cry, with all these thoughts weighing down on his heart. He'd never regretted anything more than he did hurting Shou.

...Except hurting Tora. Oh, just thinking about what he'd done to that poor guitarist, Saga could have taken a gun to his head. If he could go back...if he could start over, with Tora instead of Shou, maybe things would have been different...it was painful to think about trying to fix things that couldn't be fixed, but Saga still wished so much that he'd done something different. Because, despite the way he'd treated Tora, he couldn't forget him. He had given him something that Shou never had. He'd rubbed him the right way, made him feel a bit more awakened and alive...he made him crave.

Shit, he just needed Tora. And denying it anymore was meaningless.

Saga sniffled, and realized how cold he was. He hugged himself as he stopped and looked up to see where he'd wandered to. He'd started out just kind of hoping he'd end up at a park or something, but without even paying attention, he'd drifted to about a block away from Nao's apartment. Maybe, until Saga could work things out with Shou (if that would even be possible) the kind drummer would let him crash.

Saga nearly ran the rest of the way to Nao's building, hoping that his friend was home. He almost tripped on the stairs in his haste a few times, but made it up to Nao's apartment safely.

He knew immediately, though, that Nao wasn't home when he saw no light coming from beneath the door. Just in case, he checked the door handle. Locked. Saga instinctively searched for his cell phone in his pockets, but decided not to call him. Nao needed some alone time, and until he came home, Saga could just wait.

He slumped down beside the door and hung his head. Inside, he seriously wondered if the band would be okay. If not, well, he'd get all the blame for ruining it. Him, and probably Hiroto too.

Oh, and the way he'd treated Hiroto like shit...Pon really didn't deserve that. How had Saga been so blind as to believe that everyone else was so horrible, when he was really the worst of all? They'd all been doing things they shouldn't be doing lately, but he'd been the one to really fuck things up. And he hadn't even realized it.

Saga's tears had ceased when he had come into the building, but they were coming again. He felt so low, sitting and waiting for, what could possibly be, his only friend left, to come home and take him in for God knows how long, crying over all the ways he'd fucked over other people.

He didn't know how long he'd been sitting there, sobbing, before he heard the elevator door open at the end of the hall. He looked up and saw Nao trudging toward him, looking surprisingly aloof. Saga stood up, feeling a little lighter upon seeing a friend.

"Hey," Saga called as he stood.

Nao looked up and grinned. "Oh hey, you waiting for me?"

Saga cocked his head. "No dumbass, I'm waiting for the crazy cat lady who lives next door." If he couldn't at least be a little humorous, he'd be slitting his wrists right now.

Nao chuckled a little as he reached Saga and pulled out his keys. "Okay, okay, you can go visit her. But make sure you at least come say bye to me when you're leaving." The lock clicked and Nao pushed the door open, letting Saga in first before he walked in and shut it behind him. "Although you know I love your company, especially when it's completely sporadic," Nao winked at Saga as he removed his jacket and threw it on the couch, both remembering that night with Kai that they wished to forget, "why have you come to visit me tonight?"

Saga sighed and put his hands in his pockets, not wanting to take off his jacket as he was still cold. He didn't really know how to say this, but it's not like there'd be an easier way to say it besides the honest truth. "Shou...found out."

Nao, who was flipping through his cell phone, stopped and looked up, wide-eyed. "He did? How?!"

Saga sighed. "Just...found the evidence. Tora and I had kinda...written some stuff to each other." He looked away, the tears threatening to come again.

Nao didn't exactly know what to do say to that. "Well...is everything gonna be okay?" He asked, walking closer to Saga.

"I don't know. He kicked me out. Kicked me out of my own apartment! And..." Saga shook his head, still trying his hardest to fight the tears. "I don't think anything's gonna be okay. We all really fucked everything up good lately..." he sniffled and looked into Nao's caring eyes, knowing that his friend knew exactly what he meant.

Nao reached up and rubbed his friend's shoulder soothingly. "We have but...we're strong. I think we'll be okay."

Again, Saga shook his head. "I really don't think it'll be okay this time," his voice cracked a bit from crying, but he didn't even care. "This isn't like anything we've ever been through before. This time...it's bad."

"No," Nao countered strongly. "We will fix this. The five of us cannot be easily broken."

His confident tone and sure words made Saga's heart ease just a little, and he plopped down on Nao's couch, tears still coming lightly. "Maybe..." he whispered.

Smiling, Nao sat down next to Saga. "Hey, can I show you something?" He asked. Saga nodded nonchalantly, and Nao began fiddling with his phone again. "Look..." he said, putting his phone right in front of Saga's face.

At first, Saga couldn't see anything through his blurry eyes, then he could tell it was a picture. It was a picture of...two guys? "Ew! What--"

"Can you tell who it is?" Nao asked, eyes wide.

Saga studied the picture for a bit. One of them he didn't recognize, but the other one...some kind of sleaziness about him looked familiar... He gasped. "Miyavi?!"

Nao nodded, grinning widely. "Yep, I caught that asshole, on camera, with some poor young host tonight."

Saga was pretty amazed at his seemingly-naive friend's cunning. "Wow..." He looked back and forth from Nao's proud face to the photo. "Where did you go?"

"Tora and I went to this new host club called Vivid and--"

"Tora?" Saga interrupted. "You were with Tora tonight?" Something in his heart shook at the mention of the guitarist.

Nao paused, looking a bit confused. "Yeah...he and I went together. He picked me up and drove me actually but...it's kinda strange...we lost each other and when I was ready to leave I couldn't find him. I tried calling his phone a few times but he didn't answer. So I just called a cab." Nao's story just seemed like any other incident to him, but Saga on the other hand, was a bit concerned.

"Did he leave without telling you?" He asked.

Nao shrugged, looking triumphantly at the picture on his phone again. "I don't know," he replied carelessly. "But this is so awesome! I can show this to Kai now and he'll finally believe me about that douchebag! And maybe, he'll see how much I..."

Nao continued talking, but Saga wasn't listening. He stared absent-mindedly at Nao's carpet, unable to keep his mind from reeling. Tora...he knew the guitarist was fragile right now. He may act tough and strong, but Saga had seen such a sensitive, emotional side to him that others rarely saw. So emotional that it made the guitarist act completely insane...and despite how much it had bothered Saga, he couldn't help but be worried. Tora was the destructive type, after all.

"...hopefully he isn't hurt though because I know if someone showed me pictures of the guy I love with someone else--"

"Hey Nao," Saga interrupted.

Nao started and looked at his gloomy friend. "Yeah?"

"Can I please stay here until I figure out what's going to happen?" Saga felt really pathetic for asking this but he truly didn't have anywhere else. And hell no was he stay in some lonely hotel room. Not after living with someone else for so long. He'd go crazy from lonliness.

Nodding, Nao smiled softly. "Yeah, as long as you need." He leaned in and hugged Saga around his thin shoulders. "I know things seem bad but...you're strong. And we all care about you."

Saga shook his head, tears falling silently down his face. "People don't care about me after I've fucked them over so bad."

Nao hugged harder, trying his hardest to cheer up his friend. "You'd be surprised how forgiving people can be. The five of us can't be severed."

Sniffling, Saga leaned into Nao's embrace, letting his head fall onto his friend's shoulder. "I hope you're right."

**

The night had been long and unforgiving to Saga. Not only was sleep basically impossible in his distressed state, Nao's couch was old and lumpy and too short for Saga's long body. He fell off several times, nearly hitting his head on the coffee table each time.

So naturally, Saga used the earliest rays of sun as his excuse to just get up. He was sore and tired and still heartbroken, but he couldn't stand to be on that couch any longer.

He raided Nao's closet, careful not to wake the drummer up, for clothes that he could borrow. Most of Nao's clothes were a little too big, but not so big that Saga couldn't wear them.

He showered, sloppily did his hair without the aid of the blow-dryer (he knew that the noise from the blow-dryer would wake Nao, which would be rude) and searched Nao's kitchen for some kind of breakfast. He settled for a glass of orange juice, since all his friend seemed to have was leftover take-out.

It was 7:10 when Saga found himself with nothing else to do. He didn't have to be at the office until 8:30, and he wasn't exactly looking forward to seeing Shou, or anyone else for that matter. He sighed, relishing in his own stupidity of just how much he'd fucked things up for himself, and those he loved most.

He wandered into Nao's room, and was just about to wake up the sleeping drummer when his eyes landed on the cell phone. An idea began to form in Saga's head.

Although he wasn't completely caught up in all the details of the Nao-Kai-Miyavi love triangle, he did know, from all the grieving that Nao had been doing, that Kai wasn't speaking to him. Saga wasn't sure why Kai was giving poor Nao the cold shoulder, but he was nonetheless, and he was sure it had something to do with the hope that Kai still had that Miyavi was actually a good boyfriend, who would change and come back to him again. But Kai seemed to be the only one unable to realize that this would never happen, and despite how many times Nao tried to show him how blind he was being, Kai just wouldn't budge.

Well, Saga figured as he grabbed the phone and turned to head out the door, if he couldn't salvage his own happiness, maybe he could at least help out Nao and Kai with theirs.

**

Shou yawned as he poured his mug full of coffee for the fourth time. He'd been up all night, fighting back and forth with the lyrics that he'd found on his walk. He knew it was fate when he came across them, like it was his second chance. His second chance...to show Hiroto how he felt.

Although the fight with Saga had been weighing heavily on him, Shou knew that the two of them had been destroyed long ago, not only by Saga but by him as well. It wasn't something he could fight, he just had to admit that the beauty that the two of them had shared had been tarnished by their own selfishness. Whatever purity they once held was long gone.

Shou sipped his coffee as he stared down at the messy paper in his hands. It was full of scribbles, Hiroto's writing, Shou's writing, various stains...Shou had even been surprised when he'd gotten home with them late last night after his walk to find what looked like Hiroto's tears on the page. It had broken his heart -- he knew where those tears had come from. But seeing that only spurred him on to write the song all the more.

It hadn't been easy at first. Hiroto had written it so beautifully, as he always had. The night had obviously meant so much to the guitarist, and as Shou read the lyrics, the same ones that had initially scared him away the morning after, he suddenly realized how much the night had left an impression on his heart as well. He couldn't remember the last time he'd loved someone with such care and grace as he did when he held Hiroto. It was such a strong feeling, how could he forget it so easily?

Shou felt that his head had been clouded, but now was clear as day. There were no more questions, no more "maybes", no more guessing. He knew exactly where he wanted to be, and who with. The only remaining "maybe" was if Hiroto would accept him. And right now, that was a big maybe.

Stretching, Shou walked back to his bedroom with his coffee in his right hand and the lyrics in his left. He set his mug down on his dresser and collapsed onto his bed. Oh, did he want to sleep. But he couldn't, he had to be at the office at 8:30...

Groaning, he sat up and reached for his phone, which was just across the bed from him. He flipped it open to check to the time -- exactly 8 AM -- when he saw he had a new voicemail. He hadn't heard his phone right, and he didn't recognize the number.

Laying back onto the bed, he dialed his voicemail and closed his eyes for a moment. He almost drifted off to sleep when he heard an unfamiliar voice.

"Hello, this message is for a Mister..."Shou", this is officer Noda of the Tokyo police department. I'm just calling to let you know that a friend of yours, a Mister Shinji Amano, was in an accident last night at approximately 11:40 PM. Uh, he was taken to the nearest hospital, which is the Veteran's Hospital. And so far, no one has come in to see him or anything, so I'm guessing none of the nurses or anything informed any of his friends or family. So I'm just calling you to let you know this, and if you have any questions, you can call the hospital. Thank you, and have a nice day."

At first, Shou wondered if someone was playing a joke on him. Why would Tora get in a car accident? That's fucking ridiculous, they never get into accidents. And even if he was, well...Shou really wasn't in a forgiving mood towards Tora.

Callously, Shou tossed the phone back on the bed, eyes still shut. If Tora got into an accident, it was his own fucking fault. That asshole had been the reason why Saga had found his comfort elsewhere. That asshole had been the one to sit there and lie to his face, keeping the secret of him and Saga while Shou sat before him, crying his eyes out over Hiroto. That asshole...

Shou sighed, his heart and conscious both hurting. That asshole...was his best friend.

He sat up, alert now. He didn't care what Tora had done, or what Saga had done, or what he'd done. Tora was his best friend, and his band mate, and such an important part of his life. No way could he just not care that he was in the hospital. He could be seriously injured, or dead already even, and Shou was just sitting there.

He didn't care, because in the end, he would always be by Tora's side, no matter what happened.

Grabbing his phone from where he'd tossed it, he nearly ran out the door, lyrics still in his hand, forgetting his jacket and nearly forgetting his shoes. More than anything else, right now, he had to make sure his best friend was okay.

**

It hadn't taken Saga long to track down Kai. The drummer could usually be found there early, before the rest of the band, usually lounging in the break room. And that was exactly where Saga had found him, at 7:50 AM, looking like a nap would do him good.

Saga had woken Kai up from his half-slumber, and he could tell the poor drummer had had a sleepless night as well. Saga didn't even have to ask what was on his mind that was preventing him from sleeping, it was obvious from what he said as he rolled over on the couch to face Saga.

"Oh, I was up all night waiting for Miya to come home," he said sleepily, sitting up slowly, eyes half-closed.

Saga sat down on the couch next to him, Nao's cell phone clutched tightly in his hand. "Well why did come so early then? You could have slept at least a little bit," he asked.

Kai just shrugged. "I like being here early," he replied with a small smile. "Maybe just because I'm a morning person, or maybe I feel it's kinda my responsibility as band leader. Either way, it's just nice to come and be the one to make the coffee and get everything ready for the day."

"Sounds like you really like taking care of people," Saga said, looking at his sullen comrade. "But you like taking care of others so much that you neglect yourself..."

Kai rolled his eyes. "Are you a psychiatrist now?" He asked. He shook his head immediately, "I'm sorry," he apologized. "Didn't mean to snap at you, it's just...long night." He sighed and stared at the floor.

Saga just laughed. "It's okay." He knew Kai wasn't the type to be mean to anyone, so he didn't even think of it. "I'm just saying, you know, you need to think about yourself too. Otherwise you end up..." he gestured to Kai's exhausted body, "...like this."

Kai nodded. "I know," he whispered. "I feel like, maybe, if I take care of others, I don't even have to think about myself and my shitty problems."

"A lot of people do that," Saga reasoned. "But it isn't exactly the healthiest thing for you." It felt a little strange to be having such a personal conversation with Kai. The two knew each other, of course, but not really on an intimate level. But, Saga remembered as he felt the phone in his hand, he was only trying to help. "And, a lot of the time, people will take advantage of your selflessness, like..."

"...Miyavi?" Kai finished the sentence, looking up at Saga. "I know, I know what you're trying to say and you're right, honestly. Sometimes, I'd like it if someone actually took care of me."

Seeing his opportunity, Saga jumped in head first. "Nao-- I mean, you know...he cares about you a lot and--"

Kai waved his hand. "I know, I like him too, actually. He's really cute and very nice to me, and I can tell he does care about me..." Kai let his sentence unfinished, like he wasn't sure what else he could say safely.

"He only wishes you to think of him," Saga said quietly.

"I know, it's just been so long with Miyavi that I don't even know how to be with anyone else," Kai admitted. "Like, he and I have become that close that anyone else doesn't even seem...possible."

For a moment, Saga wasn't sure what to say. Should he even show Kai the picture? Would Nao get mad? None of this had even occurred to him. But, as he watched Kai looking so defeated and miserable next to him, he knew what he had to do. "Can I...show you something?"

Kai looked up again. "Yeah, sure."

Slowly, Saga flipped open Nao's phone and navigated through it until he found the photo. He paused, for a moment. "Nao took this last night at a host club. Proof of what you may have believed all along...proof of what he's been trying to tell you." He passed the phone the Kai, he took it somewhat hesitantly.

The look on Kai's face was less surprise, more annoyance...or some emotion too calm for Saga to even figure out. "I did know it," he said, staring at the disgusting picture. "Or, I suspected it at least." He handed the phone back to Saga, looking surprisingly calm.

Saga wasn't sure how to react. "You...knew?"

"Well, I figured he had to at least be chasing someone else. You know, I'm not stupid." Kai stood up and began walking around the break room in no particular direction.

Saga got up and followed him, confused. "Then why do you even stay with him? It's ridiculous!"

Kai stopped and shrugged. "I don't even know," he confessed as he looked into Saga's concerned eyes. "Maybe I was trying to deny it all along, ignoring what everyone was telling me, hoping maybe I could make things go back to how they used to be if I tried hard enough. But..."

Saga shook his head. "They can't go back to how they were before..." He should know.

"Yeah," Kai nodded. "Well, I guess, we really aren't even in a healthy relationship anymore, are we?" He laughed a little at his own comment. "Oh, and Nao..."

Saga smiled a bit. "He really likes you."

"I know, I like him too...he makes the cutest little faces..." Kai was blushing a bit, Saga could tell. "And he's there for me, you know? He's a good friend, a good person."

"He's a really good person," Saga agreed. "And...he just wants you to be happy. He wants to make you happy."

Kai swallowed and licked his lips. He looked thoughtful. "He does make me happy..."

Feeling like he was actually getting somewhere, Saga decided to keep trying. "Then why don't you--" He was interrupted by his cell phone, which he completely forgot he even had with him.

He reached into the left pocket of his jacket and pulled it out, wondering who would be calling him now. To his alarm, the number on the screen read, "Shou." He almost didn't want to pick it up, but he knew the vocalist had to be calling him for something that was probably pretty important.

He flipped the phone open and answered, "Hello?", more hesitantly than intended.

"Hey, Saga. It's me." Shou sounded like he was out of breath, hurried.

Saga furrowed his brows. "Shou? What's wrong?"

"Listen, I don't really have time to explain, but Tora's at the hospital. He got in an accident last night."

"What?!" Saga couldn't believe what he was hearing. They never got into any accidents, any of them. "How? Is he--"

"Just come to the old peoples' hospital."

Saga paused. "You mean...the Veteran's Hospital?"

"Yeah, that one," Shou replied. "I'll see you there?"

"Yeah, I'm on my way." Saga shut the phone quickly. Turning back to Kai, who was looking concerned, he quickly explained, "Tora's been in an accident, I need to go."

Kai nodded. "I'll go with you," he replied.

Saga nodded back at him. Turning to the door with Kai right behind him, Saga realized, at that moment, he never wished to see Tora more than he did right then. He was willing to put everything past him, forgive himself and try to fix all the problems he'd caused, if he could just see Tora one more time.

**

Shou sat in the waiting room of the hospital, frazzled. He was nearly tweaking on all the coffee he'd had, and he felt like he smelled but his nose wasn't working well enough to be able to tell.

He'd called Saga almost an hour ago, and he was praying that the bassist would come, despite what had happened just the night before.

Frustrated with waiting, Shou stood up, about to go get another cup of coffee when suddenly he saw Saga run through the door, with, for some reason, Kai, right behind him.

Saga's eyes caught his immediately and lit up. "Hey!" he called.

"Hey," Shou called back. Despite his anger towards Saga, he only felt relief to see him at that moment.

Saga, forgetting everything that had happened, ran to Shou and hugged him tight, nearly knocking the wind out of the vocalist. "Oh my God, Shou..." He was running on fumes, and his emotions were going haywire.

Shou, reluctant at first, hugged Saga back. "Yeah..." It didn't feel like the kind of embrace they'd always shared before. This one felt more like friends. There wasn't a whole lot of love there, and when Shou realized this, he almost cried, before he realized that that was how it should be.

Saga pulled away after a moment, sniffling. He was crying, just a little bit. "Is he okay?"

Shou's face looked so tired and worn. "I don't know, the nurse said he's still in surgery."

Saga nodded and turned around, encouraging Kai to come join them. Turning back to Shou, he explained, "I was just talking to Kai at the office when you called and he said he wanted to come..."

Kai walked up sheepishly behind Saga, and Shou smiled at him kindly. "Thank you, it's very appreciated. The more people who care, the better."

"I just really hope he'll be okay," Kai responded quietly. "Is...is anyone else coming?" He asked.

Shou paused. "Well, I called Nao right after I called Saga and he's coming...I called Hiroto, but he didn't answer, so I left him a voicemail. Hopefully he'll check it and come."

Kai nodded. "Well, I'll stay as long as I need to," he said.

"Thank you, Tora would really appreciate that, as do I." Shou's eyes flashed to Saga's, as if trying to tell him something. "And I'm glad you came too."

Saga looked slightly offended. "Of course I came!" Shou laughed a little at his outburst. "I mean, we're a band...you guys are my whole life."

With those words, Shou almost understood that everything would be okay. He knew that they couldn't be broken, even after everything that would be happening. All it would take is one miracle -- for Tora to be alright.

**

Hiroto pushed the towel through his damn hair as he walked back into his bedroom. He checked the clock -- 8:05. He would be late, like he almost always was.

Hurriedly, he ran to his closet and pulled out some random clothes that he could quickly put on before running back to the bathroom to hastily force his lifeless hair into some kind of style.

When he was just about ready, he reached for his cell phone on his desk. He almost put it into his pocket thoughtlessly, but something told him to just check it.

Sure enough, he had a new voicemail, probably received when he was in the shower. He also noticed one missed call...from Shou. No doubt, the voicemail was from that asshole. Hiroto almost thought to ignore the voicemail, but it wasn't like the vocalist to call and leave a voicemail, especially so early, unless something was up.

"Hey Pon, it's me. Tora was in a car crash last night, he's at the Veteran's hospital right now. I know it sounds ridiculous but I'm serious, please come."

Hiroto's mouth dropped. Tora got in an accident? He would assume normally that this was some kind of bullshit that Shou was pulling, but he really sounded serious.

Not pausing for anything, Hiroto dashed out of his apartment, heart racing. He'd had enough pain lately, all he wanted was for Tora to be okay.

Velvet 8/?

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 03:19:04 GMT

Title: Velvet
Author: Caitlin
Pairing(s): ShouxHiroto, ShouxSaga, SagaxTora, NaoxKai, KaixMiyavi
Rating: NC-17
Chapter: 8/?
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
Summary: Hiroto's not only having trouble writing the last song for their new album, but having trouble with his feelings for Shou. Also, Saga, Shou's love of many months, seems to be straying...kind of a love triangle going on. Or love square. (Sorry, I'm really bad at these.)
A/N: For all the sexy ladies out there who I love ♥
Just like the last one, this one's a little bit...emotional, so prepare yourself.
Also, I mean no disrespect at all to Tohoshinki or KAT-TUN. I'm a big Toho fan actually^^
Hope everyone likes it, please leave me a little comment to let me know =D

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7

The words just angered him. He could barely believe how, nearly a week ago, he'd written them with such heart and passion and love. Now they were just...disgusting. They reminded him of exactly how weak and gullible he was. How he was just like a little girl, falling in love with the first guy who could get him to spread his legs.

Hiroto had wanted to burn the writing when he realized what exactly had happened last Saturday morning, after the "best night of his life" had all come crashing down and revealed reality. But he couldn't bring himself to get rid of it all just yet. He had enough -- more than enough -- to finish the song, which was what he was getting more and more pressure to do everyday, from everyone. All he would have to do is to write it in a bit more poetic, song-like form, and less like prose. But how could he finish the song, let alone show it to the rest of the band, including the asshole who it was about, when it was all about a horrible memory? A memory that was the cause of the most pain he'd ever been in? It just wasn't possible.

There was just one more option: he would have to write something else entirely, about something completely random and stupid. Just another poppy song that he could write the words to in five minutes. Maybe he'd listen to some Tohoshinki or KAT-TUN or something later on to give him "inspiration."

Finally deciding to just let go, Hiroto grabbed the slightly-crumpled page with the horrible lyrics on it, got up off his bed, went to his window, and threw the paper out of it. He was about to ball it up first, but decided not to. He would much rather watch it float disgracefully to the ground. His apartment was on the fourth floor, so it took a little while.

Hiroto just sighed and rested his head over his arms on the windowsill as he watched it descend. He'd never had such a strong emotion that he'd been able to capture so perfectly -- he'd fallen in love with the song itself, not simply the idea behind it. But keeping it, and finishing it, just couldn't happen. He knew that if he just kept it quiet, so that only he and Shou knew about it, then he could avoid causing further drama in the band.

Saga had been giving him the meanest, dirtiest, bitchiest looks all week. He'd been paying him all this negative attention, yet refused to speak to him besides one- or two-word responses, which made everything worse. The tension in the band was so high right now, between Shou and Hiroto, Saga and Hiroto, and Saga and Tora...Hiroto just wanted to scream at the thought of having to spend any time with any of them. Even Nao, who was just a mess.

Watching the moon rise, Hiroto finally looked away from the paper that had disappeared from his sight. He didn't know if anything would be okay anymore. He knew that everyone in the band was completely selfish and had fucked it up for each other. For the first time, he didn't see a way that they could make it out of this together.

**

Shou hummed happily as he threw random articles of clothing across the room. He loved spring cleaning, it made him feel, with more and more he stripped away and threw out, that he was cleaning himself. Like every little dirty thing lingering in his conscious was disappearing as well.

Right now, he was tackling the closet in their bedroom while Saga was out picking up a few groceries before it got dark, which was already happening. Saga had told Shou to just wait for the weekend, when they didn't have to work, and he could get a lot more done. But Shou couldn't wait -- he was in a cleaning mood right then and there, and even though Saga told him he probably couldn't get more than the bedroom done, if that, in one night, the vocalist was fine with that.

Bag after bag of useless crap that they'd accumulated over the past year filled up, making Shou more and more happy with each thing he threw away. He also had created a (small) pile for clothes that they would donate. Shou didn't just want to throw out his clothes, unless they were seriously unwearable, because someone, somewhere, probably needed them.

With just one corner of the dark closet left, Shou reached back, searching with his hand for whatever was there. He felt his hand bump against what felt like a small box, and when he pulled it out, he found that it was indeed. It was a shoebox from a pair of shoes that Saga had bought in December.

Shou was unsure why the box was still there, but as he moved it, he could hear that there was at least something small in there. He pulled the lid off as he shifted to sit down on his bottom to take the pressure off his knees, and the contents of the box suddenly grabbed his full attention.

There was a small stack of papers with writing on them, clearly letters. Shou was certain he'd never seen them before; he didn't know anyone who was writing to Saga, and as far as he knew, no one ever had. Not in the past several years, at least. But he figured that Saga had absolutely nothing to hide from him, so unhesitatingly, he pulled out the letter on top.

What Shou experienced next was quite possibly the strangest and painful mixture of emotions he'd ever encountered. He felt confusion, followed by a haunting shock, followed by the burn of betrayal, before seeping into pure rage.

The letters were from Tora, which confused Shou at first, until he began to read, which soon made him realize that they were confessional love letters, which appeared to have just been written about a week before. And Shou could tell, just by reading what Tora had written, that this was not a simple, one-sided affection.

...you know, after last night, and the way I was able to see you and really feel you, you looked so beautiful and I just...I never thought it would end up like this. You've completely taken my heart, Saga. I never want you to go away...

Shou had tears in his eyes before he could even read the end of the first letter. He looked down into the box, and saw that there were at least half a dozen more, all probably the exact same, and all so surprisingly recent. How...how had this even happened? When had this been going on? Saga was so busy with his parents...

Or, "his parents."

Suddenly, Shou realized everything. Every piece of the puzzle fell into place, and it revealed the big picture that had been there all along, right under his nose. He had just been too busy looking elsewhere to notice.

And, finally, the anger kicked in. This was why Saga hadn't been so angry at him for sleeping with Hiroto. This was why Saga had been leaving him alone, to go "see his parents" or "work on music with Tora." Bull-fucking-shit.

He was completely fucked over, and he had no clue. He wondered if maybe this was how Hiroto had felt, the morning after...being so hurt and betrayed by the person you love most, and the person you thought loved you most. Shou would blame it on karma, of course, if he was in his right mind at the moment.

But he wasn't. He grabbed the stupid shoebox and threw it against the wall with an angry scream, not caring if he really hurt anything or not. His breath was coming in short, quick pants, and he felt as if everything he'd admired and esteemed for so long was worthless. Like revealing just how much of a sham the whole world is, when you see it through the right eyes.

Just as Shou stood up to go find something else to throw, he heard the front door open. And this was it, Saga was going to fucking get it.

Grabbing a few of the letters that had scattered on the floor, Shou ran from the bedroom, jumping and dodging a few overflowing trash bags on his way.

"I'm home!" Saga yelled from the kitchen, going through his purchases to put them in their proper places.

Not even hearing, Shou stormed in the kitchen, letters in hand. "What the fuck is this?!" He shouted, making Saga jump.

At first, Saga looked like he couldn't tell what Shou was holding. He squinted, and asked, "What is it? I can't see."

Shou walked a few feet to him and slapped the fistful of paper, now crumpled, on the counter. Saga picked one up, looked at it for all of half a second, before setting it down and lowering his head. "It isn't...what you think..." he whispered.

"Oh really?!" Shou boomed. "Because I think you've been fucking around behind my back, so if it isn't what I think, please tell me just what it is!"

Saga didn't say anything, and wouldn't look Shou in the eyes. He just reached into the paper grocery bag and pulled out a bottle of wine to put away.

But Shou would not be ignored, and he would find out the truth no matter what. He lunged forward and pulled the bottle from Saga's grasp violently, letting out a grunt as he threw it against the far wall by the sink. It shattered, spraying the alcohol and glass everywhere, but Shou didn't care at all. "Fucking answer me!" His voice was deep and loud, just like when he was singing, with his face red with anger, his eyes wild. A look that Saga had never seen before.

Saga was frozen with Shou towering over him, waiting. There wasn't anything he could do anymore, he'd been careless enough to keep those stupid letters, and Shou had found them easily. Maybe some part of him wanted his boyfriend to find them. But whatever it was, the truth couldn't be hidden anymore. With all the courage he could find, Saga whispered, "It's...it's just what it sounds like..."

For a moment, Shou didn't say or do anything except stand there, breathing intimidatingly, eyes looking like those of a madman, fists clenched. Inside, his heart was breaking, but he wouldn't give Saga the satisfaction of seeing that through tears. The silence was broken with one angry word: "Whore."

Saga's eyes began to water. "I'm sorry--"

"You're not," Shou interrupted harshly. "You'd have not done it to begin with if you hadn't been able to predict that it would destroy us. And it did. So you aren't sorry, Saga. You're really fucking happy right now." Shou had never said such cruel things to anyone, least of all Saga, and it felt strange to say words like these. But he wasn't rational, after all, and he did feel like he had a right to say such things.

Saga shook his head and the tears began to fall, unstoppable. "I'm not! It's different now...I just want to be with you and..." His falsely-colored blue eyes looked into Shou's angry ones, pleading with him for mercy. "I don't want Tora, I don't want anyone, I want you! I just want it to be how it was before I fucked everything up." The tail end of the sentence ended in a sob, one Saga couldn't even try to fight. He never thought Shou would find out. He thought he would be able to put it all behind him and they could really be good together now, with no one else interfering with them. But the possibility of that was long gone.

Shou could feel himself nearly being swayed by Saga's tears. He knew that Saga had been avoiding Tora for this past week at work, so obviously they'd had a falling out from whatever the hell was going on before. But he stopped himself. He wouldn't -- couldn't -- accept this. "You did fuck up," he replied, voice shaking. "You ruined us with your selfishness, and it can't be undone. Can't be fixed." Shou could barely here himself over the sound of Saga's crying. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd heard the bassist cry. It enough to break his heart all over again.

Saga's face was messed up in pain. Through blurry eyes, he begged. "Please..." his voice so small Shou almost didn't catch it. "Please...let's just..."

For a moment, Shou considered it. They'd been together for so long, maybe this was just something they could get over and then continue. But Shou knew that both of their hearts were elsewhere now, and trying to salvage them was an impossible feat. "No, we're done," he said firmly as his eyes lingered over the crumpled pile of letters on the counter next to him.

"Please!" Saga cried, with a look of mere desperation like Shou had never seen before.

But he looked away, adamant. "No!" He yelled, crossing his arms, pulling away when Saga tried to embrace him. "Get out!"

For a moment, Saga froze in front of him, cheeks stained in tears. He couldn't believe what he'd heard. The fact that Shou was reacting in such a way was something he never could have dreamed.

But Shou was completely serious, despite Saga's disbelief. He stared back at the bassist, expectantly. "Well? What don't you understand?" He asked, raising his shoulders. "Get the fuck out, Saga." Without waiting for another protest, he turned around and walked out of the kitchen into the living room.

With his back turned, Shou could only hear as Saga walked behind him and stormed out, slamming the door behind him. The moment the door closed, Shou fell to his knees, and cried like he never had before in his life.

**

"Fucking worst idea you've ever had," Tora mumbled as he shoved his way through a crowd of people.

Nao, who was stepping on his heels obnoxiously (but not intentionally), didn't respond. He was actually amazed that Tora had agreed to come to the club with him. He'd been wanting to go out all week, and just forget the pain that he was in, but he didn't want to go alone. He'd called Hiroto to ask if he would come, but Hiroto didn't even bother picking up. So he called Tora, who'd been just as depressed as Hiroto had been all week, and asked him to come. After about ten minutes of begging, Tora finally caved, and there they were, at a strange, smoky host club called Vivid on a Thursday night.

Tora coughed, which annoyed a few of the people he was trying to push past. "I only came to get shitfaced anyway." He spotted the bar just as he said this, and suddenly changed his path.

"Then I'm driving home!" Nao called after him, knowing full well that the guitarist wasn't listening. Getting irritated, Nao stopped following him. He didn't want to go to the bar. He didn't want to drink. He decided to go to the other side of the club and find himself a sexy young host. Someone to make him forget about Kai.

He spotted the tables where the young men were entertaining their clients, mostly older women, and Nao's heart sped up a bit. He'd been apprehensive at first, but maybe he would enjoy this. The music was pounding through him, the lights were bright and seducing him, and he spotted a beautiful young man, hair the color of copper, sitting alone towards the corner. Nao smiled -- target spotted.

But just as the drummer began to make his way in the direction of his prey, someone quickly jumped in and sat next to the man. Nao cursed him at first, before looking closer. The man who had just stolen his fantasy looked strangely familiar, with long black hair, and a tall, thin build...lip ring, eyebrow ring, tattoos...

"No fucking way..." Nao whispered. His eyes were wide as marbles, mouth hanging open -- literally stunned -- to see that jackass Miyavi practically sitting on this host's lap, mouth in his neck, and enjoying his sick self way too much.

Nao didn't really know what to do. He didn't know if Kai knew about this, but he guessed that he didn't, since he'd heard from Aoi earlier that day at the office that Kai and Miyavi were still very much together. Nao could feel himself becoming more and more sickened. Wasn't this like the zillionth time already that he'd caught Miyavi trying to fuck someone else?

That was it, Nao had had it. Thinking clearly, driven by rage and thirst for justice, he pulled his cell phone from his back pocket, flipped it open, turned on the camera, and zoomed. He caught a perfectly clear picture of Miyavi's unmistakable face at an angle, as his lips were pressed against the host's throat, with a smile on his clownish face.

The music was deafening, but all Nao could hear was the click of his phone as the photo was snapped. A much bigger smile than before was now plastered to his lips. Maybe, finally, he could prove to Kai just what was going on, and, hopefully, save the man he loved so much from this monster he was too scared to leave on his own.

**

It wasn't as if Shou had any real direction or anything. He just needed to take a walk, clear his head. And despite being nearly midnight, he'd grabbed his jacket shortly after he'd told Saga to leave, and left himself.

The night was just a little bit humid, and cool, but not too much. It was a very lovely spring night, and despite feeling like he'd just been shot in the heart with a crossbow, Shou felt a strange sense of calm and peace surrounding him.

He walked and walked, simply so he wouldn't have to go back. He didn't know how long it had been before he suddenly found himself in familiar surroundings. Everything looked like he'd seen them before -- the streetlights, the stores, the signs...

As his eyes caught sight of a building rising up right in front of him, he looked up, and knew immediately where his heart had inadvertently led him: Hiroto's apartment building.

Shou sighed, feeling pain all over again. Now, he didn't even have Hiroto or Saga. Did he ever really have Hiroto to begin with? Or was it something that had grown in him that he couldn't deny anymore? Maybe he was just lonely one night and Hiroto just happened to be available.

But he knew that it was more than that. Shou had always thought Hiroto was so cute, and so pure. Someone he wished he could still be like, so that in his own way, he envied the guitarist. And since he couldn't be like him, it only made him want Hiroto more. It was complicated, but still simple.

Despite being a bit overwhelmed by finding himself there, Shou continued walking. After a few feet, though, he spotted something in the road to his left. He didn't even consider looking at it, and thought it was probably just someone's litter, and continued walking down the sidewalk adjacent to the apartment building.

But something in his mind told him to turn around and just see what it was. So, for no real reason, Shou turned around and walked into the road, not bothering to make sure that no traffic was coming.

Upon approaching the object, he saw that it was just a regular sheet of paper. It had writing on it, but probably nothing very interesting. Once again, however, Shou felt his gut kick in and scream at him to just take a quick look.

Before he even picked it up, Shou caught sight of a word at the very top of the page, one that immediately told him why his conscious had made him pick up the paper. The word, a very simple word with more meaning and beauty behind it than could be justified, was "Velvet."

It was almost surreal to be reading these lyrics again. Shou was shaking, just slightly, as he read them, for the second time now, the first time being just nearly a week ago, when he'd woken up and found Hiroto in bed with him. It had freaked him out, as had the words that had come so beautifully from Hiroto's love-struck heart, that Shou had bolted. He didn't know what he could possibly say or do in response to Hiroto's emotion...it had been too much at the time.

But now, Shou wanted to cry. His best friend, who loved him so much, had written this song about him, and what had he done in return? The most cruel thing he'd ever done to any other human. Just thinking about it made the tears fall.

Shou glanced up at the tall apartment building to his right. He knew Hiroto was on the fourth floor, and he longed to go up there and apologize, for real, and maybe obtain some kind of forgiveness or understanding or something. Maybe he and Hiroto would be okay again...maybe better than okay...

But Shou had a better idea. He could say anything to Hiroto, and it would be meaningless without something real to back it all up. Shou had to prove to Hiroto that he needed the guitarist, in so many ways.

And, with nothing but unfinished lyrics and determination, Shou would do just that.

**

The world was a blur, almost as if it was taunting him, telling him to just give up and go home, he'd lost, game over.

Tora could feel himself stumbling into something, or someone, but it wasn't anything that concerned him. Right now, he just wanted to go home, eat some bread, puke, and fall asleep. He'd had way too much, but he couldn't stop -- with each shot, he felt less and less, and remembered less and less. He would still be drinking if the bartender hadn't made him quit.

Outside, the air felt cold and brisk, but Tora was still hot. He knew people were staring at him as he stumbled lamely towards the parking lot, searching in a drunken darkness for his car. He knew that driving while plastered wasn't the best idea, but he'd done it plenty of times before. Hell, he'd even driven while completely high back in high school, and never hurt himself or anyone else. He was confident in his driving abilities, and his apartment was only about five or ten minutes away. The fact that Nao also needed a ride home really didn't occur to him, though.

Tora pulled his keys out of his back pocket, holding them up to his eyes, cursing his double- and triple-vision, making it hard for him to determine which one would unlock his car. He found the right one, though, and unlocked and slid into the car sloppily, like he was made of Jello.

It took a moment for Tora to start the car, and he was a bit surprised when it finally did. The car suddenly came to life, and the radio began blasting whatever station had been on when they'd come earlier.

Shakily, Tora maneuvered the car out of the crowded, small parking lot, feeling heavy, sleepy, hot, nauseated, and disoriented. He felt like he was swerving a bit, but he wasn't sure, and he didn't know how to stop it even if he was.

The lights of the city were flying past him like a lively blur, or an overactive imagination staring at a colorful painting. The song on the radio ended, and changed to "Regret," a song which Tora desperately did not want to hear. To him, it was probably the very saddest song that the GazettE had ever made, because it reminded him in every way of Saga.

He couldn't stop it as tears began to fill his eyes, blurring his vision even more. In his fragile state, the words of the song were ripping through him even worse than they ever had before. He reached to turn off the radio, but he couldn't see. His eyes were filled with tears, and he had horrible double-vision, and it was dark, all making it impossible to see a damn thing.

Desperately, he looked away from the road to search for the nob that would shut off the sound. His hand roamed all over, and he was so confused that he couldn't find it like he always easily could. His eyes filled with painful tears even more, as the heart-wrenching words of the song continued, and he couldn't stop it, and he could barely see or think or feel anything.

A horn honked, a woman screamed, glass shattered, the world crashed, and went black.

Velvet 10/10 -- FINAL

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 05:31:13 GMT

Title: Velvet
Author: Caitlin
Pairing(s): ShouxHiroto, ShouxSaga, SagaxTora, NaoxKai, KaixMiyavi
Rating: NC-17
Chapter: 10/10 -- FINAL
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
Summary: Hiroto's not only having trouble writing the last song for their new album, but having trouble with his feelings for Shou. Also, Saga, Shou's love of many months, seems to be straying...kind of a love triangle going on. Or love square. (Sorry, I'm really bad at these.)
A/N: Aww~ the final chapter, at long last.
I apologize for almost taking an entire month (I've actually just been writing it for the longest time)...especially since this is the final one.
I know, I suck a lot (-.-) I'm so so SO incredibly sorry!
But...my love is still there! xD
I hope you guys haven't forgotten me after I haven't updated for so long...
Enjoy it, the very last one.
♥

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9

It was completely surreal to see one of the few people they'd known for years lying unconscious in a hospital bed. It was like a horrible dream, the kind where you wake up and wonder if it's true and then are so so thankful when you realize it isn't. Except this one is completely true. There was no waking up, no relief. Only the unbelievable, indescribable visage of Tora on the brink of life and death.

Nao was crying, not heavily, but tears were falling. Kai stood next to him, close, an arm around him, trying to provide some sort of comfort.

Shou stood farthest away, just watching this friend of so long struggle to stay alive. He couldn't come close, he couldn't bring himself to deal with it in too much detail -- it would break him down worse than it did Nao.

Saga, however, was sitting in a chair, pulled right up to Tora's bed. He was holding in his tears bravely. He couldn't deny every horrible thing he'd done to Tora, as he watched his life, and all that he was, slowly drift away. It wasn't like watching a goldfish die, or watching your favorite TV character die. It was like watching your soul mate die. The soul mate you'd abused and destroyed, until he was reduced to a half-alive body in an itchy hospital bed in a drab hospital room in a depressing hospital. And Saga wanted to rip out his heart at his own stupidity.

Everyone there -- even Kai, who wasn't particularly close to Tora -- had memories that they'd shared with the special guitarist flying through their heads. Every live, every celebration, every struggle and every triumph couldn't be forgotten.

And Shou began to lose his composure. He'd been up all night, writing nonstop, pouring out his soul into words mixed with Hiroto's to form something beautiful and true. Already running on fumes and overemotional, he turned his head when he saw Saga begin to cry, unable to stop his own tears from coming.

"I can't..." he whispered, and dashed from the room, feeling ashamed at his own tears and overwhelmed by the unbelievable fact that one of the most important people in his life could possibly cease to exist very shortly.

He stumbled down the hallway back to the waiting room, just needing to get out of the deadening hospital. His tears clouded his vision, making everything in his eyesight look like a meaningless blur.

But his eyes caught one thing -- one unmistakable, beautiful thing as it walked through the door into the waiting room.

Hiroto.

Shou stopped, feet unable to move closer. Even the tears stopped. Everything stopped. In this hell of a moment, Shou finally saw one ray of light. One possibility of happiness again, as undeniable as it had always been, waiting for him to realize it.

Hiroto's eyes fixed on Shou, and the moment became complete. His eyes watered, unable to believe that any of this was actually happening. Unable to believe that Tora was almost gone, unable to believe that Shou was even there...and he'd missed the vocalist so much...

Finally stirring time back into motion, Shou ran across the small room to Hiroto, not caring who saw or what they thought. None of them knew them, and none of them knew the kind of relationship they had. All that mattered was that the one person he needed more than any other, was there. And he would make him his, for real this time.

Shou's arms wrapped around Hiroto's small body immediately, and everything was right. Their bodies' closeness was nothing compared to that of their hearts, and Hiroto couldn't hold back his tears even if he'd tried. It was a strange mix -- both tears of sadness and of joy. Maybe, more than anything, tears of relief. His arms found their way around Shou as well, and his body immediately warmed and softened. This is where he'd wanted to be all along.

Shou sniveled through his tears. "I'm so sorry Pon..." he whispered into Hiroto's ear. And he realized, at that moment, that he'd never apologized so sincerely before in his life. It took him a trip through Hell and back to recognize what he'd had all along, and what was truly in his heart, and no way would he mess it up again. His body began to shake and he never wanted to let the guitarist go. "It wasn't what I wanted...I ruined it...but I know exactly what I want..." He found speaking so much harder than it had been just a little while earlier. Maybe he just wanted to say the perfect thing to the perfect boy.

Hiroto began to shake a little as well, completely overwhelmed by everything that was going on. "It's okay Shou," he soothed, willing his tears to calm so he could speak. "All I ever wanted was this, and you finally want it to."

After a moment of letting Hiroto's words soak in, Shou broke away from the embrace and looked into Hiroto's wet eyes. Gently, he moved a strand of the guitarist's messy brown hair out of the way so he could see clearly. "I do want it. I want you," he responding, smiling just a little as he felt the incredible happiness and understanding that came with finally knowing which direction his heart wanted to go. Laughing a little to himself, he added, "I love you."

Hiroto smiled back, feeling his heart jump to life again after being dead for so long. "I love you."

Through the incredible pain and mess, Shou and Hiroto managed to find the slightest bit of hope in just a few words.

**

The atmosphere of the room had gone from bad to worse after Shou ran out in tears. Saga was now sobbing as he grasped Tora's ice cold hand, and that sight alone made Nao want to leave too.

But before Nao could tell his feet to move, Kai, who had been silent basically the entire time they'd been in there, turned to him, expression kind and empathetic. His arm was still around Nao's shoulder protectively, as if he would never let the drummer go, and his voice was low and almost secretive as he spoke. "While we're here...I think I wanna talk to you about something." His voice cracked adorably a little, making Nao smile a little.

Believing he already knew where this conversation was going, but unsure of whether or not the outcome would be good or bad, Nao looked into Kai's eyes and asked a simple, "What?"

Kai cleared his throat and glanced at Tora and Saga before looking back into Nao's questioning eyes. He turned slightly so that he and Nao were facing each other more, but kept his arm around him tightly. "Saga showed me that photo you took--"

Before Kai could continue, Nao interrupted. "Saga?!" He asked incredulously. Had the bassist not been crying in his own world, he may have heard someone say his name.

Kai nodded. "Yes, he showed me this morning on your phone."

"...So that's where it went..."

"Yes," Kai agreed, getting slightly impatient. "But, the thing is...I knew. I think I truly knew all along what Miyavi was always doing. I mean, I'm not stupid." Kai rolled his eyes a bit and sighed. "I just wanted to try and fix everything and make it as beautiful as it used to be. But I guess things change, and no matter how much I want them to, they won't go back to that beautiful time..."

Nao nodded. "Sometimes you can't repeat those times..." He looked down at the floor sadly, then his head snapped back up and he stared into Kai's eyes confidently. "But, you can always create more beautiful times...with someone else."

Kai blushed a little at what Nao was hinting at. "I know I can," he replied, a small smile pulling at his lips as he rubbed Nao's shoulder gently. "I feel like, in some way, I already have...with you..."

"But...if you wouldn't mind...we could maybe have some more time together?" Nao could barely look Kai in the face as he asked something so bold. He'd never confessed what he wanted so outright before, and it made him feel extremely shy.

But Kai only smiled at the drummer's endearing expression. "I think that would make me very happy," he said, smiling wide for the first time that day, dimples popping out in the most cute way Nao had ever seen.

Nao bit his lip as he couldn't contain a grin either. Caught up a bit in the moment, he gently and innocently placed his lips against Kai's in their first real kiss.

**

"I wanna show you something," Shou whispered against Hiroto's ear as they sat side-by-side in the waiting room. Hiroto and Shou both felt unready to go back in and see Tora, so they'd stayed out of his room for the time being.

Hiroto, who had stopped crying awhile ago, squeezed Shou's hand affectionately and smiled at him. "What is it?" He asked hopefully.

Slightly nervous, however anxious, Shou reached into the back pocket of his dirty pants and pulled out a folded piece of paper. The paper was extremely worn now -- old, dirty, stained with tears and rain and God knows what else, and crumpled and folded a million times. But regardless of how destroyed it was, it was the most important thing that Shou had ever shown Hiroto.

Hiroto watched curiously as Shou unfolded the paper carefully. "I've been up all night -- haven't slept at all -- doing this..." The vocalist explained as he handed the paper to his friend.

Written on the paper, Hiroto recognized immediately that it was his own pathetic scribbles of what had been "Velvet" from what seemed like years ago. Although, he noticed new scribbles all over it now. Shou's scribbles. And some of his original words had been crossed out and rewritten, or just written on top of sloppily. He was a bit annoyed to see his stupid "song" again, but he was surprised when he realized that Shou had finished it for him. All the missing words that he couldn't quite convey, all the unorganized prose, all the nonsense that Hiroto hadn't bothered to form into plausible thoughts...all of it was complete now. He was utterly shocked.

"You...finished this?" He asked, incredulous, eyes wide.

Shou smiled and nodded. "Yeah," he replied, blush creeping into his cheeks. "I just wanted to help you out."

Suddenly, something occurred to Hiroto. He raised an eyebrow at the vocalist and asked, "Where did you get this? I threw it--"

"Out the window, yeah," Shou interrupted. Leaning back into the chair and sighing, he explained, "I was just taking a walk last night and I found it on the ground. I guess I ended up walking past your place on some kind of freak of nature accident, but I kinda think of it as destiny." Shou's eyes glistened as he told the story to Hiroto, who was still a strange mixture of surprise and adoration.

The guitarist could only stare back and forth between Shou and the lyrics. "Wow..." He whispered. He didn't say anything for a moment, just read over what Shou had done. It was so much more beautiful than before. What Hiroto couldn't finish, or couldn't articulate, Shou was able to. It touched him so much, especially after everything that they'd been through the past week, he just couldn't believe someone had done something so special just for him. But something crossed his mind, making him uneasy and a bit confused.

He turned back to Shou, and asked, "What about Saga?" He thought that maybe this wasn't the right question to ask, but he had to know. What with Shou's crazy confession the other night as he was leaving the office, and the lyrics...seemed like he was trying to tell Hiroto that maybe things with Saga really were over. So he just had to know.

Shou shrugged. "It's...over. I guess." He stared up at the ceiling, but his hand reminded locked in Hiroto's, as he struggled to explain what had happened. The past 24 hours had been the longest and most emotional he'd ever experienced, and he could barely believe everything that had happened that had led him up to this point. "He just wanted someone else," he explained as his eyes swung back down to Hiroto's curious ones. And, smiling slightly, he added, "So do I."

Hiroto smiled and bit his lip cutely. "I knew it."

"You knew what?" Shou brought his face close to Hiroto's, eyes bright and waiting.

"I knew...it would come down to you and me. Us." Hiroto had always trusted that in his heart, Shou knew him more than anyone, and that Shou loved him more than anyone. It wasn't as if it was hard to tell. There was something that only the two of them shared, and it seemed to keep them together like glue. Between them, there was no need for lies or explainations or confusion. Everything was understood completely.

Shou smiled as he realized how right Hiroto was. "Of course," he agreed. "Who else could have finished the song so well?" He asked, bragging slightly.

Hiroto laughed a little at his comment. "Well, no one except the mighty Shou of course!" He was patronizing Shou, but in such a horrible situation, they needed a little bit of humor.

The vocalist rolled his fingers between Hiroto's as he stared into his eyes silently. "I'm glad you like it though," he whispered. Feeling a little nervous, he asked, "Do you want it? I mean, do you wanna use it?"

"Of course I do, stupid!" Hiroto exclaimed, excited. "It's perfect, I love it. And besides, even if it wasn't, I'd still use it, because everyone's giving me shit about not finishing the stupid thing..."

Shou nodded. "So...you do want it?"

"Yep."

"And..." He swallowed, nervous. "Do you want...me?"

Hiroto blinked and smiled a lopsided smile at Shou. He didn't even need to consider it. "You know I do," he replied gently. "I always have."

"Even after everything?" Shou asked.

Hiroto nodded. "Even after everything. Because you're still Shou, even after everything, and I still love you...even after everything."

Shou couldn't help himself as he grinned widely. "I've been an idiot," he confessed. "But even an idiot knows himself well enough to be able to tell who he truly loves." Leaning in just a few inches, Shou kissed Hiroto's plump lips gently, so grateful that he finally knew where he wanted to be.

**

Saga had long since stopped paying any attention to the clock. Whatever time it was -- morning, day, night -- he didn't care anymore. His brain could barely even comprehend the concept of time. All he'd been thinking of for the past several hours was Tora, and now, Tora was all his brain could understand.

Some time ago, Shou had left in tears, Saga knew that. Then a little while later, Nao and Kai had left together, although they weren't crying. Probably just hungry and exhausted. But Saga refused to leave. He'd stay by Tora's side, no matter what. Even after the guitarist woke up, he'd remain with him, for as long as he could...forever?

Unfortunately, Saga began to feel the familiar feeling that he had always got in high school of his head drooping down uncontrollably. His eyes would shut halfway, his head would begin to fall, and then he'd catch himself before it fell all the way. Then, the same thing would happen about ten seconds later. He was certainly sleep-deprived, but he wouldn't close his eyes and risk missing a thing. And leaving to get coffee or a Red Bull was simply out of the question entirely.

Despite all of his convictions, Saga was unable to stop himself as his head fell onto his arms, which were resting on the bed next to Tora. He was barely conscious, but just enough so to realize how much he missed sleeping next to Tora...even though what he was doing now couldn't really be thought of as sleeping in the same bed as the guitarist. Regardless, he missed sharing the warmth.

Something was shaking. An earthquake? Suddenly awake and worried, Saga raised his head quickly, blinked, and looked around confused. He wasn't sure how long he was out, but he figured it wasn't more than five or ten minutes, because he didn't pass into a heavy sleep. It better not be an earthquake -- with Tora already on the border of death, he was without a prayer if the earth suddenly decided to throw a curveball his way.

But it wasn't an earthquake, Saga discovered. It had been Tora, shaking him awake. "What's going on?" The guitarist asked, looking extremely disoriented and confused.

Saga's mouth fell open. He was awake. The one thing he'd been thinking of and praying for for the past several hours had finally happened. And Saga wanted to jump up and scream and cry and tell everyone that he finally had another chance to be with the one he loved again, and make it good this time. But he stayed calm, as one single tear fell down his face. "You got in a crash. You're in the hospital," he stated plainly, still half-asleep and dumbfounded that he had actually awoken.

Tora's eyes widened. "I crashed?" Then, his face broke out in a sudden expression of understanding. "Was I...drunk?" He asked, ashamed.

Saga cocked his head and nodded slightly. "Yeah, I think that's what the nurse said...but you woke up!" He smiled and grabbed Tora's hand. "You're awake...we're all worried...but you're awake..." It was like it was such an incredible thing that Saga had to keep repeating it over and over. Just because he couldn't get enough of it.

Tora smiled back slightly. "I woke up...I woke up and saw you..." He said softly. Then, eyes cast down at the strange hospital bed and hospital robes he was in, he asked, "Do you know how amazing it is to wake up and see your face?"

Saga's heart melted. "I think I know the feeling," he replied with a slight laugh. His eyes locked with Tora's hazel ones and he was so incredibly thankful to be looking into them again, suddenly realizing how amazing it was to simply know that the person who he loved so much simply existed. But he noticed a slight grimace in Tora's expression, and it worried him. "Are you okay?" He asked.

Tora nodded. "Just a little hungover...my head hurts and my body's kinda sore," he responded. But his gentle smile remained. Saga's hand felt warm in his, and he'd never been so happy to awake and see the bassist's face before. All the times that he'd had Saga in his bed had never quite been this special. "I am okay, though," he reassured. But there was a question in the back of his mind, and he had to know the answer. "But, why are you here?"

"I want to be," Saga replied simply. And it was the truth.

Tora cocked an eyebrow. "You do? I thought...you and I..."

Saga shook his head. "I know what I said, the other day, and..." He felt ashamed at the horrible things he'd said to Tora, it was like there was no possible way to apologize for the unbelievable callousness. But he could try and fix things, if the guitarist was willing. "And, I don't want you to believe that's the way I really feel. I was trying to forget, and try to make things back to how they used to be with Shou. But, the truth it, things do change, and you just can't fix them sometimes, even if you want to more than anything." Everything that he was saying to Tora reminded him of what Nao and Kai had been discussing earlier, and he found it funny that he and Tora would be in a similar situation as the two of them. But, as sad as it was, it was the truth: Saga couldn't fix things with Shou, and Kai couldn't fix things with his douchebag Miyavi.

Thankfully, both of them had another option.

Tora bit his lip, like it was too much. "You hurt me a lot..." He confessed.

Saga dropped his head and let go of Tora's hand. "I know I did," he whispered. "I'm such a fucking idiot..." It seemed like he was talking to himself more than Tora now, but he didn't really care. Did Tora not want him either? Would he be stuck with nothing but his own depressing heartbreak? "I wish I could fix things...I wish I could start over with you because I'm such a dumbass--"

"You aren't," Tora interrupted, and grabbed Saga's hand again. Saga's gaze met his again, and Tora's eyes held an expression of understanding and sincerity. "You did hurt me, yes, but...I was stupid too. I did a lot of things that I shouldn't have done, that embarass me..." His fingers delicately rubbed Saga's cold hand as he felt so happy just to be touching the bassist once more. "You and I...I think we deserve another shot." He hoped his words weren't too forward, and that Saga would accept them.

Saga smiled and nodded. "I think so too," he replied. "I'll make it right this time, Tora, I promise--"

"You don't have to promise me anything," Tora interrupted again, shaking his head. "You and I don't even need promises. We just need to forget the past, it doesn't matter now." He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment as he rested his head back against his pillows. "You know, sometimes...people don't really know when they're happy."

"That's true," Saga agreed. He gazed longingly at his beautifully damaged tiger, black hair falling into his tired face. The face of the only man in the world that could make his heart beat strong enough to drown out the disapproval of the rest of the world. He smiled as Tora opened his eyes and looked at him again, and he said, "I think I finally do know when I'm happy, though."

A tear ran down Tora's cheek. "I'm so in love with you," he whispered, so low that Saga could barely hear it.

But he did, and his whole body and soul responded passionately. "I didn't even know how much I loved you until I fucked everything up," he responded, eyes becoming blurry also. "I just wanna be with you again." All the overwhelming emotions of the past day were catching up to him quickly. He'd never had such a turblant time in his life than he had in just the past two or three weeks. And in the past 24-or-so hours, it seemed to all be coming to a head. A violent, stressful, scary, exciting head.

"I wanna be with you too," Tora sighed, tears still falling silently. "But I was the one who fucked it up. I just wanna be with you...I've wanted to for so long....just to be with you. And then it all just ended..."

Saga shook his head. "No, it hasn't ended." He reassured. "We've barely begun." Gingerly, Saga lifted Tora's hand, still wrapped in his own, to his lips, and kissed the back of it gently.

**

"Tomoshita hikari wa...kokoro no yami wo...sotto...terashite." Shou sang soulfully, enunciating perfectly and passionately. It made the song even more beautiful than it would have been, had someone else been singing it.

The vocals were done, at last. It was Monday night, almost midnight, and the band had been in the studio recording since 9 that morning. All of the instrumentals had pretty much been done, but of course, there hadn't been any vocals since the lyrics weren't completed. But now, because Shou had helped him finish them, Hiroto was able to show everyone what he'd been hiding for so long. And they loved it.

As Shou walked away from the microphone, everyone seemed to be cheering. Or clapping, at least. Shou smiled happily; it had been such a long and tiring day, but he'd loved every minute of it. And now it was over. "Velvet" was complete, meaning their album was complete. Their very first full-length album. He truly couldn't be happier.

That is, until he saw Hiroto's shining face.

"Yay! You did it!" Hiroto exclaimed excitedly as he wrapped Shou in an enthusiastic hug.

Shou hugged the guitarist back tightly, his heart beating quickly. He was full of adrenaline from singing, full of adrenaline from the adoration of everyone, but mostly...full of the unstoppable adrenaline that Hiroto's unconditional love gave him, every moment.

Saga came over and gave Shou a hug too -- a completely platonic, friendly hug. The two had healed their scars and knew that the band was a lot more important than some petty mistakes that they had made. Besides, both had a new person in their lives to heal their hearts.

After Saga, Nao, who had been busy texting Kai while Shou had been singing, gave Shou a very big hug, and right after him, Tora snuck in a little embrace as well. The hug was gentle since Shou knew that Tora was still a little bit sore. But he'd been out of the hospital for a day now, so he was recovering well. Shou knew he and Tora also had a few negative emotions exchanged, but he and the guitarist had been together longer than any of them had. And there was no way that kind of friendship was going to break anytime.

It seemed like a big hugging party -- everyone was hugging, all animosities forgotten. There was no need to keep them around now. They'd survived something incredibly emotional and trying, and emerged even stronger, only proving how strong their bond was.

Just as the hugging began to cease, their manager came into the studio, a huge smile on his face. "So you guys are done!" He exclaimed, surprising everything. They all figured he would have gone home hours ago.

Shou nodded. "Yeah, we finally finished the last song. Just has to get produced, and then..."

"Yep," their manager nodded back. "It's gonna be amazing, we're all looking forward to it. Well done!" He gave everyone a sincere look of approval before he turned to walk out of the room, everyone slowly following him.

Before Hiroto could walk out, Shou grabbed his sleeve. "Hey."

Hiroto turned around, confused. "Hey?"

Shou waited a moment for Nao to walk out slowly, then looked down into Hiroto's questioning eyes. His heart was imploding just looking into that adorable and loving face. He grabbed the guitarist's hand in his, grip strong, and said lowly, "You better believe in us, Pon."

Hiroto smiled. "I believe. Believe me?"

"I believe you," Shou replied, nodding. "I know that we can't be broken, as long as the feeling of velvet is never forgotten." He kissed Hiroto, knowing without a doubt, that it wouldn't be.

-----------------------

Okay so I need to do a little note thingy down here...
First of all, I would really love it if anyone who's been lurking and reading this story would comment...this is the final chapter and all, I don't care if you lurk, I just wanna know who's been reading what I've been working on (and since this chapter took me kind of awhile). And everyone who always comments...you guys should comment as well, so I know how you all feel about the way I ended it^^
Anyway...
This story was written because I absolutely, totally love "Velvet."
Like, it's my favorite song. Ever. (And I hear Tora really likes it too! xD)
And I appreciate all the friends/readers/whatever I've gotten from writing this.
And I also appreciate so much all the people who stuck with me, even when I would go so so long without updating, and still continue to support. You guys are amazing! You guys are THE REASON I write!! ^o^
So...from me, I give my very very sincere love to you all ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
I hope for many more new stories of misadventures, featuring our lovely alice boys ♥

Urupon // One-Shot {RukixUruha}

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 05:50:10 GMT

Title: Urupon
Author: Caitlin
Pairing(s): RukixUruha, AoixUruha (mentioned)
Rating: NC-17
Chapter: One-Shot
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
Summary: Ruki wants Uru. But Ruki doesn't always get what Ruki wants.
A/N: This is my very very VERY first Gazette fic, so please be nice ._. please? I've written many many Tokio Hotel, Tohoshinki, and alice nine., but this is new territory for me...
&I love Uruki, so so much, they're my second favorite (right behind ShouxHiroto^^) so I wrote a lovely little Uruki one-shot. It contains smut and angst and all those lovely things, so be warned!
Please comment, even if you hate it? I need to hear criticism of all kinds :3
And I hope you like it! ^.^

Before I even saw him in there, I knew where he was. The sound of him guitar playing was unmistakable. It was different from Aoi's. Aoi was rough and sudden and shaking, while Uruha was more gentle and melodious, like he really wanted to take his time to create something beautiful for the ugly world outside.

I stood for a moment in Kai's bedroom doorway, watching him. His back was towards me; he didn't know I was there. He was playing a few lines from "Guren" and also some from "Regret." And once in awhile, he'd sing a few of the words -- my words -- and, for a second, it almost seemed to me like he was my son or something, learning in his father's footsteps.

But, if he was my son, the thoughts in my head about him would just be oh so wrong.

I snapped out of my trance and looked around. Kai was in the kitchen, cooking, with Reita practically glued to his side. Aoi was watching TV in the living room, although he wasn't really watching TV since he was talking on his cell phone. To his sister or something. I hadn't been paying much attention.

So, the coast was clear. Finally, a chance. I had to seize it, because who knows when another one would come along.

As quietly as I'd ever been, I stepped into the room and shut the door behind me, taking care to turn the knob fully to ensure minimal noise. A tiny click was heard, but not by Uruha -- he remain undisturbed. So I continued, one foot in front of the other, until I reached the edge of the bed, still undetected.

Softly, Uruha was singing the second verse of "Regret," sitting cross-legged roughly in the middle of Kai's bed, acoustic guitar across his lap. Even for something as casual as a dinner party at Kai's house, he didn't want to be without it. It made me smile.

This next part would be hard. Part of me just wanted to face Uruha, be a man, and tell him that it's me. I love him. I'd destroy the world if it would make him happy.

But Uruha was too childish. Too happy-go-lucky. He lived in a perfect world, and for me to come and invade it would be a sin like no other. So, I was happy to watch, as he lived his life with his heart on his sleeve and a permanent smile on his face. I was just happy to stand on the sidelines and watch.

Until now. I had to have him now.

Moving quickly and stealthily, I put my right knee on the bed. Immediately, Uruha felt the weight of the bed shifting because of it, and looked up. He was about to turn around and see who it was, but I was far too quick. I lunged forward and wrapped my left hand over his eyes.

"Shhh..."

He moved his head back and forward, confused, but my hand remained locked over his eyes. "Who is that?" His voice held a lighthearted tone, as if he thought it was all a big joke and I would remove my hand in an instant and yell, "Hey! It's me! What's up?!"

But this was no joke. This was my opportunity.

When I didn't respond, he attempted to pull my hand off of his face, but it remained rigid. I wouldn't...couldn't...let him see that it's me. Not yet.

"No..." I whispered, trying as hard as I could to keep my voice low so he couldn't tell who it was.

He tossed his head back and forth more, trying to shake my grip loose. "Seriously, who the fuck is trying to blind me?" He was getting upset, I could tell.

To try to calm him down, I began to rub his right shoulder with my free right hand. He froze when I began touching him, obviously caught very much off guard. But he still wasn't calming down, despite his stilled movement. He was freaked out, I could tell. Once again risking him identifying me by my voice, I brought my lips to his ear and whispered, "Relax." Oh, I wanted to say much more than that, but he'd know it was me. He knew me so well.

Uruha's breathing calmed a bit, and his shoulders began to droop and relax a bit. I stopped my ministrations, only for a moment, to grab Uruha's guitar by the neck and pull it out of his lap, setting it far off to the side of Kai's bed. Once that was done, my hand went right back to his neck and shoulders.

I heard a small moan escape his lips as I worked the tight muscle at the juncture of his neck and shoulder. His neck was turning weak and I almost laughed as his head began to fall down to the left. If anything, this proved that I was actually a good masseuse.

After a few minutes of caressing his shoulders, I dared to move my hand south. Gracefully, my fingers grazed down the front of his shirt, passing over his chest and stomach quickly. Once my hand reached his crotch, I heard the breath in his throat catch -- he stopped breathing. I knew he was anticipating.

Not wanting to disappoint, I pressed my hand to his crotch, not too hard. I could feel he was already a little bit aroused, but that's just like Uru -- he could probably get off from someone giving him a full body massage, he's just so hyper-sensitive.

I worked my hand harder, feeling him come alive underneath the confinement of his jeans. The friction brought out a small whimper, and just hearing it was getting me hard as well. I had to do everything in my power to stop myself from moaning, it was getting so good.

He was nearly fully hard when I felt his hips thrust up off the bed, desperately, wanting more from me. It made me smile; I'd never been able to please the man I'd been so in love with for so long. I'd dreamed over and over, night after night, of hearing him scream my name, tell me how good I make him feel...I'd dreamed of making him come.

So please God, don't tell me this is just another dream.

So so carefully, I stopped my movements and blindly pulled at the button and the zipper of his jeans. His rock hard cock sprung out the moment I freed it, and it looked so delicious, flushed red and dripping wet. It was begging just for me, I knew it.

When the cold air hit his cock, I heard Uruha gasp a bit. It must have felt so good, to be free. Eagerly, I wrapped my hand around the cock, at the base, and slowly began moving up, until I reached the tip, where I swirled my grip around it, then came back down, a bit faster this time, aided by the lubrication that the pre-cum provided.

As I began pumping harder, Uruha became louder and more urgent. "Shit," I heard him breathe as he threw his head back. For a moment, I almost let my hand fall from his eyes, but I remembered at the last moment, and forced it to stay, even as Uru's head rested against my left shoulder. "God more...please..." He was driving me so insane.

I really couldn't help myself as I pulled in closer to him, my chest now right against his back, and began grinding my own hard-on against his lower back. It felt so good, I almost faltered on the movements of my hand job. But I was able to save face, and stopped my own grinding for a moment to squeeze the head of Uruha's pulsing cock. I felt him shudder and breathe hard. "Yes...yes..." he moaned. He brought his head back up slowly off my shoulder, finding it difficult to move quickly with my hand over his eyes.

Unable to help myself, I continued grinding, and as if I'd completely forgotten myself, I moaned right against his ear, "Fuck...Urupon...yes..." I was almost too lost to feel him freeze a bit, but I figured it was probably because I'd stopped pumping him. So I continued, and he loosened up again, lifting his hips off the bed in vain once again.

His breath started to become heavy and panting, and I knew he was close. To test it, I loosened my grip briefly on his cock, and the instant I did, it jumped in my hand, telling me just how close he was. My arm was getting sore from pumping him so hard, but I didn't care. He was close, and I wanted to hear, see, and feel him come.

He arched his back, and nearly-screamed, "Yes! Don't stop! Oh fuck yes!" Urged on, I worked his cock harder than I had yet, smearing the pre-come up and down it, tightening and loosening the grip every other second, and rolling my thumb across the tip.

Then, he completely stilled, whimpered, and held his breath as it caught in his throat, and I felt his sticky seed squirt out, which I was quick to catch in my hand, so poor Kai wouldn't have Uruha's cum on his bed.

I found it strange that Uruha didn't say a word during his orgasm, he just whimpered and moaned and shuddered and barely breathed. I watched the way his jaw quivered and his arms and hands were shaking as well, and the way his chest swelled. He looked so gorgeous, and I felt so blessed to be able to witness his climax at such a close range. Not only that, but being the one responsible for it was a feeling like no other.

But it was over so quickly, and I knew I had to get out while he was still disoriented. Before he could even catch his breath, I uncovered his eyes and sprung off the bed, disappearing out the door in less than a second. As I shut it, I caught my breath, and looked down at the white substance in my hand. I had to go get rid of it, now.

As I scrubbed my hand hastily in the bathroom, I could barely get over what had just happened. Had I really done that? Had I finally done what I'd been wanting to do so badly for so long?

Before I could fully comprehend, I walked out of the bathroom, hearing Kai's high-pitched voice yell, "Dinner's ready!"

**

"Remember when Kai tried to make that birthday cake for Uru?" I heard Aoi laugh as he reminisced, bringing the other four of us back to a different time.

Kai just pouted, making himself look like a child rather than our leader. "Hey, it's the thought that counts!" He seemed upset, but of course, he was smiling, as always. "Besides, I'm a much better chef now. You're all eating my food right now, aren't you?"

Reita grimaced. "Barely," he whispered, trying to remain unheard by Kai. But all of us heard him, including our drummer.

"Shut up!" He wasn't upset though -- he was laughing his adorable laugh. Nothing could really get him down, it seemed. And he knew that Reita secretly loved his cooking. We all knew that.

It was hard for me to stay entertained by this "casual little dinner party" though. I couldn't keep my eyes off of Uruha. He was happily eating his food, as if nothing had just happened. I could tell, though, that he was thinking hard. I wanted to say something to him, because he'd been so quiet the whole time. But then again, I hadn't said a word either.

It seemed that Kai finally noticed our silence, though. He shoved Uruha, who was on his right, lightly. "Hey, why so quiet? You're usually talkative when you're drunk."

Uruha smiled shyly, and my heart melted right to the floor. "Oh, well, I um, I haven't drunk anything..." his voice was quiet, and his face was red, and oh God...why did you have to make my very best friend in the world so adorable and irresistible?

Kai laughed. He was obviously quite drunk, now that I paid more attention. "Oh yeah, I hadn't noticed! Yeah, you've been trying to drink less, that's very good Uru..." His smile was so big that it looked like his eyes would disappear into his head. "Well, I'm proud of you. I'm very very proud of you. You do stupid things when you drink."

Uruha raised an eyebrow, suddenly startled. "I do?" He asked, pointing to himself.

I laughed. "You don't," I replied. "He just meant, in general, stupid things happen when people drink. Which is true, hence this whole damn dinner party," I said, turning my attention to Kai now, faking belligerence.

Kai just blinked. "Haha...what?"

Suddenly, Reita reached over me and grabbed Aoi's wine glass. Aoi started, "Hey, give that back fag!" Aoi yelled, nearly deafening me.

Reita just smiled and shook his head, drinking it all down and clinking it loudly against the table as he finished it.

Aoi glared at him, and I almost laughed. "Fine, fucker." He looked around the table for a moment, then stopped when he saw Uruha's full glass. "I'll just steal Urupon's, since he's part of 12 Step now apparently--"

"Hey!" Kai yelled. "You called him Urupon! We don't call him that anymore." He started giggling and clapping his hands a little bit, face beet red.

Aoi nodded as he drank the entire glass. When he was finished, he took a deep breath, looked right at me, and said, "Only Ruki calls him that, right?" He looked at me with wide eyes, and I thought for a moment.

"Yeah, I guess so..." I said, voice trailing off. It never really occurred to me, but it was actually true. "Urupon" had kind of just become a name that I used for him lately. That made me smile, to think I had my own name just for him.

But as I looked up at him with a small, friendly smile on my lips, it disappeared immediately when I saw the look on Uru's face. He was looking at me, but almost trying to look through me, as I'd never seen such a strange look on his face before. He looked like he'd just seen an explosion, but a bit different...it looked like he'd just figured something out, like something important had dawned on him.

And then, as my face dropped, it dawned on me as well.

When we'd been in the throes of passion earlier, and all my senses were gone entirely, I'd said that name...I'd whispered the name "Urupon" right in his ear. I'd basically given myself away. And now, he knew it was me. I didn't even have a chance to tell him properly -- instead, I'd forced him to let me get him off while I hid. But my cover was blown now, and all I wanted to do was bolt.

I could hear the talking continue, sounding faraway, but all I could do was stare, frozen, at Uruha's face, which was slowly turning from realizing, to worried, to sickened. I could feel my heart cracking. Could I salvage this?

**

I hadn't said a word the rest of dinner, and neither had Uru. All I wanted to do was leave, or maybe find a way to pull Uruha aside and apologize, and explain that all I wanted was to love him. But how do you apologize for nearly-raping someone? Well, that's how it felt to me anyway, even though I know he enjoyed it.

I sighed as I leaned against the now-deserted table. Reita and Kai were back in the kitchen, this time cleaning the dishes. My heart was hurting, and I had no idea what to do. I'd fucked things up so bad earlier, and every solution I could think of was running through my head. But none of them would be very good.

After a few minutes, I grew tired of listening to Kai and Reita giggling, so I decided to just go find Uruha. I figured he'd be in Kai's room, again, so I headed in that direction, every step feeling heavier and heavier.

But as I reached the end of the hallway, I saw Uruha and Aoi down the other end. I stepped out of the light, and watched. They were close, and I felt a lump in my throat at the sight. I didn't want to see, but I couldn't look away.

I watched in pain as Uruha grabbed Aoi's hand in his, and leaned in close. He was whispering something, and I wanted to know so bad what it was, despite how much it would hurt me.

My eyes began to fill with tears as I saw Aoi smile at whatever Uruha had said, and when I saw Uruha pull Aoi's hand, forcing him to follow him into Kai's bedroom, it was at that moment that I wanted the world to end.

The door shut, just as it had earlier when I'd snuck in there. All the love that had held me up for the past seven years just came crashing down, dropping me along with it. I wanted to take a drug, fall asleep, and never wake up.

I leaned against the wall and just let myself fall to the floor. Everything he'd meant to me, and everything I'd wanted to give him, amounted to naught. I could have been invisible and he would have walked right through me, and I still would have given him the world. But now, every sleepless night, every pounding heartbeat, every fragile smile, every dream...was destroyed.

"Urupon...my Urupon..."

Velvet 7/?

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 08:26:18 GMT

Title: Velvet
Author: Caitlin
Pairing(s): ShouxHiroto, ShouxSaga, SagaxTora, NaoxKai, KaixMiyavi
Rating: NC-17
Chapter: 7/?
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
Summary: Hiroto's not only having trouble writing the last song for their new album, but having trouble with his feelings for Shou. Also, Saga, Shou's love of many months, seems to be straying...kind of a love triangle going on. Or love square. (Sorry, I'm really bad at these.)
A/N: Yay, sort of quicker than last time, right?
Still, sorry... -.- took longer than I wanted. I started cosmetology school and it's really tiring...I'm sorry, I hope you all still love me.
And and and...I put a little part for Uruha in this one! Because I love Uruha :]
Please enjoy and comment~

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6

As they had always been, Shou and Saga were the picture of perfection: young, beautiful, healthy, energetic, successful, and in love. As they sat towards the back of the restaurant, they knew that all eyes were on them. Jealous eyes. Things had always just been like this, ever since the beginning of their relationship. And Shou had never felt more relieved to see that things were finally returning to normalcy.

Just as the waiter was taking away their empty plates, Shou casually felt Saga's hand brushing against his knee. He looked forward into the bassist eyes, smiling, and sighed happily. "I'm really proud that you and I were able to survive what I did, and get through it, and be here again. I'm glad you're still mine." It had sort of been a subject they'd been avoiding for the past day, but Shou felt that it was finally okay to just let it all out, then let go. He reached forward and grabbed his lovers hand gently, to reassure him.

Saga, however, looked away nervously, seemingly avoiding eye contact with Shou on purpose. "O-of course," he stuttered. "I love you and...and I know you love me too." Finally he looked into his boyfriend's eyes again, still unable to completely ignore his own guilt. "We're fine Babo. We don't need to talk about it..."

Shou nodded. "Of course, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to dwell on it." He bit his lip and noticed Saga looking around the room, as if trying to escape from the table for some reason. It worried him. But before he could say anything, Saga spoke.

"I wonder if...Hiroto...has finished that stupid song yet." Saga's voice was so full of malice as he spat out the guitarist's name, Shou nearly winced. "He always takes so fucking long...I could write a song in a day."

Shou gulped, almost silently. Suddenly, he wondered if Saga would be mean to Hiroto at work tomorrow. It hadn't been Hiroto's fault, he knew he had initiated everything himself and Hiroto had merely been a victim...and God, the poor guy was probably already hurting enough as it is. Forget how Saga would treat him -- how would Shou be able to get along with Hiroto now? He hadn't even thought about this...and Tora knew too...

The whole time, Saga had still been talking, but Shou really wasn't listening. "--and just thinking about how fucking long it took him to write Fantasy...God that pisses me off. He had us waiting for weeks! This time will probably be worse though." He rolled his eyes, not noticing the tears forming in his boyfriend's. "What the name of this song anyway? Voyeur? Is it a perverted song or something?"

Shou shook his head, staring down at the tablecloth to hide the tears. "Velvet," he whispered, voice cracking a bit. He was trying his hardest to keep the tears in, but when he felt one break free and roll down his cheek, he knew that many more would come.

"Oh yeah, Velvet," Saga replied, staring out the window at the setting sun. "Well, sounds nice or whatever, but a finished product would be even nicer. A song of Hiroto's that isn't half done -- what a novelty!"

Wanting to scream at Saga's cruel words and sarcasm, Shou merely contained himself and sat very still. In a far corner of his mind, he wondered if Hiroto was okay. He knew the guitarist was hurt -- he himself had been the one to stab the proverbial dagger through his heart. But was he okay? He'd been so tempted to call him, or at least text him, to make sure, ever since last night when he'd confessed to Saga. But he didn't. And even more saddening was the fact that Hiroto hadn't contacted him. All this made Shou worry that maybe...the band would unravel. Maybe this would all snowball into something more horrible than it already was.

"No!" Shou screamed, interrupted Saga's rant about how horrible it was that Hiroto never wore contacts.

The bassist jumped in his seat and stared at Shou, flabbergasted. "...What?"

Shou didn't hear him. His breathing was too heavy, and he hadn't really been listening for the past three minutes anyway. "I know this isn't the end...we've come so far and we've gone through so much...I'm just being paranoid...we cannot be broken..." He was muttering under his breath like a crazy hobo, still staring straight down at the table, making more than a few heads turn.

Saga's face was a strange mix of concern, confusion, and fear. "Umm Shou...what are you talking about? I told you we're okay, you don't need to worry..."

Shou nodded and looked up at Saga. "We're okay. We'll all be okay. I know we're...indivisible. I know it."

**

The incredible power of Hiroto's Gibson Les Paul resounded through the studio. He hit every note dead on, relieving himself, temporarily, of all the pain and sadness he'd felt the past few days. He could hear Tora playing in sync with him, just a few feet away. For now, things felt sort of normal again, and Hiroto was thankful. He could be in here for hours with Tora and his guitar and just play till he was too tired to give a damn about Shou or Saga or anyone else.

It was Monday, the first day when everyone had to face each other again after the dramatic weekend. After a heated discussion with their manager and producing team, it was decided that everything for "Velvet" would be recorded, except for the vocals, since Hiroto had managed to finish the melody entirely. So Nao had gone first, then Saga, and now Tora and Hiroto were together having their session. Only Shou would have to wait, which didn't please him.

All morning, Hiroto had wanted to run out of the building in tears. Shou was ignoring him completely. The vocalist had literally not said one word to him. Not only did this hurt enough, but it was totally undeserved. Hiroto should be the one giving Shou the cold shoulder, not visa versa. As horrible as Hiroto had felt all weekend, from being used and tossed aside by Shou, he was now even worse, thanks to this.

It was almost 10 PM now, and Hiroto had been playing for a little over an hour. But he wasn't even close to tired; he was getting an incredible energy from playing and releasing everything. He knew the pain would return later on, but he was happy to have it gone for at least a little while. He even managed a small grin a few times.

However, the grin was wiped out when he looked up and saw Shou, standing behind their producer, watching him through the glass window that separated them. No, he wasn't watching. He was staring. He seemed to be frowning a bit, but more in concentration than in anything else. Hiroto shuddered and wondered what the vocalist was thinking.

If he's been ignoring me all day, why the hell are his eyes fucking glued to me right now? He's caused enough damage already...

Wanting to just get out, Hiroto faked an exaggerated yawn, stretched his arms above his head, and removed his guitar. "I'm tired you guys," he mumbled through his fake sigh. "I think I'm just gonna go home and get some sleep." Not even bothering to listen to the objections from Tora and their producer, who was known only to the band as "Mr. Bubbles," Hiroto left the studio, walking as quickly as possible past Shou. He was so tempted to look up at the vocalist as he walked past, but he couldn't. Especially since he could already feel Shou's big eyes penetrating him harshly, as they had been for awhile.

Hiroto had nearly made it out the back door of the building before he heard footsteps behind him. They sounded quick and very near, making Hiroto turn around suddenly. Not entirely to his surprise, but still slightly caught off guard, he saw Shou. Just a few more feet and Hiroto would have been out the door, to the parking lot. But now he was here, with the person he wanted to see least of all in the whole world.

Shou looked nervous, yet also timid and even a bit sad. Like he was trying to apologize to Hiroto with his expression so he wouldn't have to use the words. Shou wasn't good at words sometimes. "Hey..." He greeted apprehensively.

Hiroto really wasn't in the mood for this. He'd left recording early to get away from this man, and now there was going to be some sort of big, emotional scene. More shit that he really didn't need. He crossed his arms and leaned. "Why are you following me Shou?" He asked, voice as nonchalant -- yet also as threatening -- as possible.

"I just um...I was just..." Shou's stuttering, once again, proved just how bad he could be with words. He sighed, eyes looking anywhere but Hiroto's. "I just wanted to say bye--"

"Bye," Hiroto interrupted, immediately turning on his heel and attempting to walk the remaining few feet to the door.

But Shou was too quick -- and too determined -- for that. "Wait!" He called, before running ahead of Hiroto and blocking the door with his body. "Don't..."

"Stop, let me leave," Hiroto demanded, trying his best to keep his anger in check. And that was damn hard right now.

Shou shook his head. "No, not until I say something."

Hiroto cocked his head. "Oh, that's funny, because you really haven't felt like saying a single word to me all day today." He knew he was being a bitch, but he wasn't exactly happy with the vocalist at the moment.

"Neither have you," Shou retorted quickly.

The guitarist was confused. "What? What do you mean?"

"You," Shou pointed to him a little too comically, "haven't said a thing to me all day either. In fact...you didn't even call me or anything this weekend." Shou knew this was a horrible point, but it was still something that had been bothering him.

Shocked, Hiroto threw his arms up in the air. "Are you fucking joking, Shou?! You were the one who left with no indication of any kind! I woke up, alone, in your bed, after an..." he didn't want to admit it, but he couldn't help it, "...amazing night. A night that I've been wanting for so long, and..." tears were beginning to form in his eyes, and they were unstoppable from the start. But he continued, "...and...do you even know how that feels? Has anyone ever used you so horribly? Especially one of your very best friends in the whole world?" He was beginning to sob now, but he didn't care. "And you expect me to call you or even want to speak to you at all...after you did all that?" He sniffled and wiped his tears on his sleeve, feeling so childish and broken and stupid. No...what was that word? The word Hiroto had promised himself from an early age would never describe him?

Jaded.

Shou's heart was bleeding at what stood before him. He wanted to embrace the poor guitarist, kiss him all over his face and tell him it would be okay, that he was so sorry, and that he would come back. Just hold him until he stopped crying, then tell him his heart was his. But he couldn't. All he could do was stand and watch, so pained by the metaphorical distance that this horrible situation had created between them.

He could barely even speak. "I don't know, Pon..." he whispered. It took everything in his power to deny his desire to go to him and wrap his arms around him. Not that Hiroto would accept the hug anyway. "I didn't want to hurt you...I care about you so much--"

"Don't even tell me this shit," Hiroto warned. "You think you know, but you have no idea--"

"I just wish you would talk to me!" Shou interrupted passionately. Now he could feel the tears forming in his eyes as well. He never imagined it would be like this.

"Me? Me?!" Hiroto was stunned. "You're the one who left me alone. How can you say I don't talk to you if you won't even talk to me either?!" He was so angered and hurt that all he wanted to do was run away.

But Shou was still blocking the door. "Only because Saga's here! How do you think that would look?" His eyes were wide and pleading.

However, Hiroto wasn't taking the bait. "So you told him then?" He understood completely now. Understood why Saga had given him so many cold looks. Understood why Shou had acted like Hiroto was just some kind of house plant all day.

Shou sniffled, fighting back his tears, nodding. "Yeah...I told him."

"Wow, he must really love you to stick around even after doing that," Hiroto whispered, eyes glued to the floor, tears slowly ceasing. Bravely, he looked up at Shou, who looked utterly guilty. "That's nice for you two." All rationality nearly gone now, he shoved past Shou and opened the door.

Once again, Shou caught on quickly. He grabbed Hiroto's arm suddenly, grip tight. His voice came out desperate, moreso than he'd ever heard it to be. "Please don't walk away--"

"Don't," Hiroto snarled, shaking off Shou's hand. "Don't fucking touch me." Without looking back, he pushed the door open violently and walked out into the night, leaving Shou alone, with tears rolling down his cheeks and the loneliest pain in his heart.

Defeated completely, he leaned his head back against the wall by the door, letting himself sob shamelessly. "So fucked up..." he whispered angrily, shutting his eyes just to block out the world for a moment.

**

Tora could tell what was going on between Shou and Hiroto in the studio. He'd noticed Shou's unbreakable gaze right away. He delighted in it; seeing his love's love unable to keep his eyes off another. It gave him hope.

What gave him even more hope was when he saw Shou exit the studio hastily, not even a minute after Hiroto did, claiming he had to use the restroom. Tora had known right away that Shou didn't have to use the restroom -- the vocalist, despite his best efforts, couldn't forget Hiroto. It was completely obvious, to Tora, at least.

Saga, however, seemed far too wrapped up in texting someone or something. The bassist failed to even notice Hiroto or Shou leaving.

The instant the door was shut, Tora removed his guitar, as Hiroto had done. He dragged his feet heavily, as he was very tired, making his way toward Saga. He knew Saga was in some sort of denial mode at the moment: denying the feelings Shou had for Hiroto, denying the feelings that he himself had for Tora...

Hopefully, Tora believed he could somehow salvage what had been so brutally damaged that weekend.

Looming down over Saga's shoulder almost creepily, he cleared his throat.

Saga, who had been giggling over his cell phone, looked behind him. "What?" He asked rudely, rolling his eyes a bit. It was the first thing he'd said to Tora all day. The first thing he'd said to Tora since Friday night, actually.

"Hey...whatareyoudoing?" Tora said quickly, nervously.

"Just texting..." Saga replied, his tone making his annoyance clear.

For a moment, Tora wondered why he had even come over to talk to Saga. Obviously, this wasn't going to work. But he continued. "Nice..." He noticed Saga's little nod, but other than that, the bassist remained facing away from him, basically ignoring him. Or, encouraging him to go away, at best. "Well, I just wanted to apologize for my behavior--"

"It's fine!" Saga interrupted, thrusting his hand up, indicating that he just wanted Tora to shut up already. "It's totally fine, forget about it. I already have."

Tora was struck by the words, and by the way Saga didn't even look at him once. He could feel the familiar, uncontrollable feeling of jealously and anger brewing. But he remained calm. "Okay good. Well I'm glad you and Shou are still friends, it seems."

Saga was a bit disturbed by this comment. He shut his phone and turned to face Tora for the first time, a look of confusion mixed with annoyance on his face. "What do you mean, friends?"

Tora shrugged. "Well, I'd have figured you two would be...you know...kind of on bad terms after..."

"After what?" Saga crossed his arms, very interested in just what Tora was referring to.

Tora's eyes shifted. He felt uncomfortable. "After...he broke up with you?"

Saga laughed in surprise, his eyes widening. "What?! You think he broke up with me? Are you fucking insane?"

"Umm..." Tora didn't know what to say. He knew he'd obviously said something wrong.

"Look," Saga said, his tone a bit demeaning and certainly annoyed. "Shou and I have never been better, okay? I know you'd love to see us apart, but trust me, it isn't going to happen. Just because of what happened between you and me--"

"--and him and Hiroto," Tora interrupted.

Saga paused, raising an eyebrow. "How did you know about that?" He asked suspiciously.

"He told me right after it happened," Tora replied, feeling a bit more confident. "He came to me, a mess on Saturday morning, and told me everything. I told him that he obviously has feelings for Pon, and that he should break up with you."

"What?!" Saga screamed, suddenly grabbing the attention of Nao and Mr. Bubbles. But he didn't care. "You fucking told him that?"

A bit taken aback, Tora nodded. "Yes...?"

Saga shook his head, not really quite remembering when he'd been so pissed off at the stupid guitarist. "Just stay away, you're fucking poison." His voice was so seriously hateful and malicious, Tora knew that to disobey his command would mean trouble. "You've been so jealous of Shou for years, almost as jealous as Hiroto has been of me. And frankly, Tora, it's fucking sad. You need to let this go, because despite how hard you try, you won't have me. I would never waste my time with bipolar scum like you. You're so damn scandalous and sneaky and selfish, all you want is me, and you don't care who gets hurt, you'll do anything." Saga paused to take a breath. He knew he sounded like a conceited bitch, but he didn't care. He felt like he had a right to, since everything he was saying was the complete truth anyway. He narrowed his eyes one last time as he whispered, "You're fucking pathetic, and I don't give a damn about you, and I don't see why anyone else would." Finished with his tirade, Saga walked quickly and angrily out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

As if Tora hadn't been hurting enough the past few days, he felt as though his heart had been pulled from his chest by metal claws, thrown out a 30th story window, and run over by a cement truck. He almost wished that was what had happened, because then he would at least be without a heart. But like this, the pain was still with him, pulsing in his chest, reminding him, with each beat, of the incredible pain that he was in.

**

Nao shook as Saga slammed the door. He turned around and saw Tora standing, just staring down at the floor, with the most pained look he'd ever seen on him. He was about to go ask the guitarist what was wrong -- not that he couldn't guess -- when Tora suddenly started and walked out the door, slamming it, just as Saga had done a moment before him.

Realizing that tonight's recording session was probably over, Nao told Mr. Bubbles that he was just going to leave as well. He grabbed his coat and walked out the door, shutting it quietly and gently, since he figured it would probably break soon with all the abuse it was getting.

He walked down the hallway slowly, making his way to the back exit in total silence. His thoughts were on fire, though. He felt as though everything was slowly unraveling, what with the drama between Saga, Tora, and Shou, and something else entirely going on with Shou and Hiroto, and then the problems between himself and Kai...it was all too much. In the back of his mind he felt that the band was coming to some sort of dramatic end, just as everything was really taking flight for them.

He discouraged these thoughts though, because he knew he had to remain positive. He had to keep them together, because their first full album was almost done. They just had to survive the next few weeks, until it was all done. It was a high-stress time, and they needed to stick together now more than ever.

However, Nao couldn't get Kai out of his mind. He hadn't spoken to the drummer since Friday night, when he'd stormed out after Saga had walked in on them. He'd been calling all weekend, but hadn't been answered or called back once. By Saturday night, Kai had just shut off his cell phone, which all but broke Nao's poor heart. He got the message, however, and stopped calling, since it would just go straight to voicemail each time anyway.

As Nao walked out the back door of the building, he squinted through the dark when something caught his eye in the distance. It looked like two tall, thin figures, leaning very closely against one of the cars in the parking lot. He didn't know anyone else was still here, since it was pretty late, but he decided that just ignoring it would be best.

But as he walked in the direction of his car, he realized he couldn't ignore it, as he immediately recognized one of the figures as that dumbshit Miyavi. He stopped, one foot in front of the other, and changed his direction. Slowly, he sneaked around cars, surrounded and protected by darkness. He could tell from a distance that the bodies were pressed too close together to just be talking casually, especially at this time of night, and Nao felt it his duty to find out just what was going on. He knew the other figure couldn't possibly be Kai, since Nao had been asking around all day for the drummer and found out that he hadn't come to the office today. And even if Kai didn't want to speak to him, he still wanted to protect him.

He was about ten feet away when he stopped, hiding behind one of the company's new BMWs. He was close enough to hear, but still far enough away to be undetected. He held his breath, heart rate increasing, ears like sonars.

"...but it's such a pain in the ass," he heard Miyavi whine.

"I know but, you know, Kai's like...one of my best friends in the world..." the other voice sounded apprehensive, and much quieter than Miyavi's. Nao knew he recognized the voice, but he really couldn't tell who it was at the moment.

"But we're friends too, aren't we?" Miyavi's voice was lowered, seductive. Nao could see him pressed up very close to the other now, sandwiching the unknown one between his body and the car. The drummer wanted to scream -- Miyavi was obviously trying to fuck whoever this person was. Granted, he had no idea if Miyavi and Kai were even still together, but it was still completely fucked up and wrong. Determined, Nao shifted a bit, lifting his head slightly, desperate to see who the other person was. He found it fruitless, however, as Miyavi's head was blocking his view, and it was too dark to recognize the person by their body, though Nao could tell this person was about Miyavi's height.

"Yeah, we're friends," the other insisted, pushing Miyavi away. Suddenly, Nao could see exactly who it was, with Miyavi out of the way and a streetlight shining down, illuminating the features. "Friends don't fuck, right? Especially when one of them is already with someone." Tilting his head slightly, Nao could see the look of reluctance across his face. Across Uruha's face.

Miyavi crossed his arms, probably pouting, though Nao couldn't really tell. "Uru, don't be so mean to me," he cooed. "You and I've had our moments, and I know you wouldn't deny--"

"That doesn't matter now," Uruha interrupted. "You're with Kai, and you may be a cheating, lying whore, but Kai's a good person, and I'm not gonna do him wrong." This made Nao smile slightly.

Miyavi stepped back, crossing his arms. "Look, I'm fed up, okay? Kai won't sleep with me anymore, for God knows why, and even Tora wouldn't! What am I supposed to fucking do? I'm only human.." This completely sickened Nao. He knew Miyavi was a horndog, but resorting to fucking around just because Kai wouldn't sleep with him? Ridiculous.

"Well, I don't know what to tell you except try to work stuff out with him, you know? He's been really distressed the past few days, and I'm sure that if you two would just work things out, he'd be a lot happier. We've got some big lives coming up anyway, and he needs to feel better before those. So just try and...I don't know...resolve your issues, okay?" Uruha patted Miyavi on the shoulder before he turned around and climbed in his car. Before starting it, however, he rolled the window down, and added, "I know every relationship has problems, but you just have to get through it, then you'll be stronger than before."

Miyavi nodded solemnly. "I know..."

"Don't just run away from it. You two will be alright," Uruha encouraged, before rolling up his window, starting his car, and driving away.

Nao watched Miyavi standing alone under the streetlight, hating the man so much more than he ever had. He wanted to jump out from behind the BMW and cuss him out till he was blue in the face. He also wanted to call up Kai and just tell him everything he'd witnessed, even if Kai wouldn't answer. But he did neither. Instead he stayed still, crouched down, and watched Miyavi walk away into the night, feeling like a bigger loser than he ever had before.

Velvet 6/?

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 21:27:48 GMT

Title: Velvet
Author: Caitlin
Pairing(s): ShouxHiroto, ShouxSaga, SagaxTora, NaoxKai, KaixMiyavi
Rating: NC-17
Chapter: 6/?
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
Summary: Hiroto's not only having trouble writing the last song for their new album, but having trouble with his feelings for Shou. Also, Saga, Shou's love of many months, seems to be straying...kind of a love triangle going on. Or love square. (Sorry, I'm really bad at these.)
A/N: AT LAST~
I'm so so sorry this took so long, longest yet.
If anyone's still interested in the story, you get a million cookies.
I'm so sorry, seriously *failure*

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5

He heard knocking on his door, but he didn’t wanna get up. Didn’t wanna face himself, or the world, or anything.

The knocking persisted, harder.

He was about to scream some obscenity to make the person go away, but then it crossed his mind that said person could be Saga.

Without another hesitation, Tora threw the sheets off of him as he jumped from his bed, ran from his bedroom across the living room to the front door. Not bothering to pause and calm his breathing, he thrust the door open hopefully, his heart skipping a beat, only to see --

Shou.

Tora sighed, disappointed. “Oh, hey,” he said.

Shou sniffed. “Hey.”

Tora pushed the door open unenthusiastically and stepped aside, letting the vocalist in. Shou creeped in slowly, dragging his feet strangely.

Tora was concerned by this behavior. Had Shou found out about him and Saga? He hoped with every fiber of his being that Shou was acting this way for some other reason. As if shit wasn’t already bad enough for him…

Before Tora could even say anything or offer him anything, Shou sat down on Tora’s couch, hunched over, hands on his knees. His head was dipping down; he seemed to be thinking hard.

Hesitantly, Tora approached the couch and sat next to Shou. Now he was really distressed; he was sure Shou had found out. Saga had probably gone home last night and told Shou everything. Fuck. It was all over.

Shou sighed. “I--”

“I’m sorry,” Tora interjected, head hung in shame. “I’m really sorry, Shou. I seriously didn’t mean anything to happen the way it did and I--”

“Wait what?” Shou looked up at him, very confused. “You’re sorry about what?”

Tora paused, and looked up at Shou. “Aren’t you upset about…”

Shou waited to finish his sentence, but it never came. “I’m upset about something that happened last night…something I did…”

Tora’s cat-like eyes widened. “Oh, oh…” He felt embarrassed, but mostly relieved. He’d almost spilled the beans inadvertently. “I see. What happened?”

Again, Shou sighed, and looked away, this time his head hung in shame. “I fucked up and…it’s bad. It’s really bad. Unforgivable. But I really had to tell you because out of all of us, you’re the most…mature. And the smartest, and--”

“Yeah, I know, I know,” Tora interrupted, growing impatient. “Just tell me what happened.” His voice held a certain edge that he really couldn’t hide. Thankfully, Shou didn’t seem to notice.

Shou paused, searching for words. After several painfully long moments, he realized that there wasn’t any way to beat around the bush. All he could do was say it.

“I slept with Hiroto.”

Tora just stared at him, eyes wide, mouth hung open. Of everyone he knew, he’d never seen someone so devoted to someone else as Shou was to Saga. Now, to hear that this man, so in love, would sleep with anyone else, was one of the most stunning things Tora had ever heard.

Shou knew he was staring at him, but he didn’t care. His heart was ready to explode from confusion and pain and guilt. Everything was different while nothing made sense and it was like nothing he’d ever been through before. Before, everything was clear, and everything was easy. Now, he had no fucking clue.

"...Wow." Tora didn't know whether to scream at Shou for his infidelity, or just admit his own while they were sharing secrets.

All Shou could really do was sigh. "I know...I'm so stupid." His voice was low and full of regret. "I want to erase everything and just go back to how everything was because this is just...this is too much."

Tora shook his head, a battle still raging within him. "What about...Pon?"

Just hearing the name made Shou close his eyes, as if to force out every image and memory. "I don't know," he replied. "I know he's gonna be...hurt..."

"No," Tora said. "I mean, do you have any..." he searched for the word for a moment. "...feelings? For him?"

Shou leaned back against the couch and threw his head back. He looked incredibly distraught, confused, and exhausted. "I don't know," he admitted. "It feels like...the past week or so, Saga hasn't been around as much as I've wanted..." Hearing these words, Tora's conscious screamed at him to reveal the truth, but he kept his mouth shut and let Shou continue. "I know it isn't his fault, but it still hurts to be alone. But Hiroto has been there and...I don't know...when I look at him, I see so much happiness and comfort." Shou sighed. It was a lot to confess. "It's different from what I see in Saga. Hiroto...makes me feel a different kind of affection..."

Tora nodded, understanding everything his friend was saying. He felt the same with Saga. Originally, he'd wanted Saga for one thing. But the bassist had quickly given him a new kind of feeling that he hadn't been anticipating, and now that feeling had destroyed everything. Yes, he completely understood Shou.

"It's crazy..."

"It's not," Tora interrupted, suddenly passionate. "You can't control who you fall for. You can't control anything about it. And to lie about your own emotions, is to lie to yourself. And if you can't be honest with yourself, who can you be honest with?" His conscious had been silenced by a sneaky plan brewing in his head.

Shou nodded. "I know, you're right. It's not as if I don't have feelings for Saga anymore. Of course I do. It's just..."

"It's just that Hiroto is there now," Tora finished the sentence. "And, in my opinion..." he paused to carefully consider each and every word, to make it the most convincing. "...you can't deny those feelings for him. It isn't...healthy."

"So...what do I do?" Shou wondered, eyes wide.

Tora crossed his right leg over his left and leaned back a bit, trying to look as confident as he could. If he could just convince Shou... "You want my honest opinion?" He asked, hoping the vocalist couldn't see through to his real intentions.

"Yes, of course." Shou looked distraught still, but also determined.

"Break up with Saga," Tora replied bluntly. Of course it was for his own gain -- he wanted the bassist more than he wanted air to breathe. And with Shou gone, the biggest obstacle to his heart would be gone as well. And now was his opportunity to make that happen.

Shou blinked. "R-really?" He stuttered, in slight disbelief that the guitarist would give that kind of advice. "Give up such a long relationship over a mistake that happened one time?"

"It may have happened just once," Tora explained, "but it isn't as if the feelings will only happen once. You won't be able to forget about Hiroto, trust me. He'll always be on your mind, even when you're with Saga. When you see him, you'll want to cry because you can't be in his arms..." Tora knew the feeling. Oh yes, he knew it all too well. "To prevent more pain for yourself...breaking up with Saga is the wisest choice."

Tears were forming in Shou's eyes. "Maybe...maybe you're right. Maybe he and I just shouldn't be together anymore..."

"Of course," Tora agreed. "I mean, you can't really love someone if you have feelings for another, right? Trust me, breaking up with only prevent both you and Saga from pain. Actually, you'll probably also prevent Pon from pain as well." Inwardly, he added his own name to that list.

"Yeah...yeah you're right." Shou wiped away a lone tear. "It's for the best."

"Definitely, best all around."

"Best...all...around..."

**

"...I'm not here right now, but if you leave me a message telling me how much you love me, I may call you back!"

"Hey, Kai...it's me. You haven't answered your phone once all day and I just wanna know if you're okay...you were so upset last night and then...and I just wanna talk to you. Are you mad at me? Did I...do something? Please just...answer. I'm worried about you and...and...I just need to hear your voice...please..."

**

He'd left that morning, the instant he woke up naked, next to Hiroto, and realized what he'd done. He'd dressed in a flash, not even bothering to shower, and nearly ran out the door. He didn't want the younger one to wake up and think that the two of them were in some kind of relationship now. They weren't, definitely not.

With the impending fear of Saga coming home, Shou had practically ran out of his apartment and, not knowing where else to go, turned to Tora for advice. He'd stayed there for an hour or two, until he was pretty sure that Hiroto had probably waken up, gotten the message, and gone home. Yeah, it was probably the coldest thing Shou had ever done, but he couldn't do this. Not with Hiroto, not now. He had to just nip this thing in the bud, and this had been the easiest way.

Shou had been home now for several hours, restless, pacing, waiting. The conversation with Tora earlier had certainly given him a lot to think about. In some ways, he wished Saga would never come home so he could have more time to work out the situation in his mind. Yet, at the same time, he wanted his lover to be home, so he could maybe just get it all over with.

The sound of the key in the front door couldn't be heard until around 7:30 that night, and the instant he heard it, Shou ran from where the kitchen, where he had been washing dishes, into the living room. He felt stupid for running, like some kind of dog when his master comes home. But he didn't really care at the moment.

Saga walked in, shutting the door behind him, looking quite stressed and exhausted, still in the clothes from the day before. He didn't notice that Shou had rushed into the living room. He didn't even notice his boyfriend was there at all until he had collapsed onto the couch.

"Oh, hey," he greeted casually.

"...Hey Babo," Shou greeted back, suddenly feeling stupid for so eagerly coming to see him the way he had. It had just been a long, lonely, frustrating day, and any human contact was appreciated at this point.

Saga could sense something was wrong, but he had other things on his mind. The shit that had gone down with Tora the night before, then walking in on Nao and Kai was all kind of a lot for the bassist to deal with at the moment. "I'm just gonna go to bed," he said, standing up, not even really bothering to explain anything to his boyfriend, who was equally distraught.

"Wait!" This was it. Shou had to confess. He had to end it with Saga. He'd destroyed whatever hope had been left in their relationship, and it couldn't be salvaged. And Saga deserved to know the truth -- he'd developed feelings for another.

Saga paused midway to the bedroom. "What?" At first, he hadn't really been interested in Shou's behavior, but now he was curious. Something had obviously happened.

"Umm..." Shou looked around the room, avoiding his boyfriend's eyes, wringing a dishtowel in his hands nervously. He didn't even know how to begin.

Saga raised an eyebrow and rested one hand on his hip. "What's going on?" He knew he would get Shou to talk, one way or another.

Shou just shook his head, tears begin to form in his eyes. He knew this would turn into some big scene, despite the fact that he didn't want it to at all. "Last night, I...I did something..."

"Okay," Saga nodded. "Go on..." He walked towards Shou, beginning to get a bit worried. Shou had never acted like this before. He was always good and happy and patient. Something had definitely happened, and Saga wanted to know, now.

Just like with Tora, there really wasn't an easy way to say it. All he could say was just what had happened, straight up, no beating around the bush. Sniffling, as a few tears fell down his face, he looked up at Saga, who was now just a few feet away from him. "I slept with someone," he whispered, breathless.

Saga was noticably taken aback. He shut his eyes briefly and swallowed, but kept his cool. "With who?" He asked, voice shaking only slightly.

More tears were falling silently down Shou's cheeks. It hurt so much to say the words that he couldn't keep inside. "Pon." His voice was barely audible, as if keeping quiet would make it less true.

All Saga could do was nod and cross his arms. "He's a cutie," he said, voice almost nonchalant. Right now, hearing Shou say this was almost like hearing nothing. A few months ago, it would have killed him. He would probably be screaming and crying and asking why. But now, it was nothing. He'd changed, not that Shou knew any of that.

Shou sniffled, eyes wide and confused. "Aren't you...mad at me? Saga, I--"

"No," he interrupted. "I'm not mad at you." He was even speaking the truth -- he wasn't angry in the least. Their relationship had been tainted by him long before all of this, and Shou sleeping with someone else now was meaningless. "It's okay Babo. You and I...can get past it. We're strong, you and me." His voice was no longer shaking, now full of confidence. Everything had been such a sham that maybe this was the one thing that he would need to push him forward and forget about Tora. Start over and really try with Shou. Make it beautiful, like it used to be.

Shou, however, was completely baffled. He couldn't believe Saga was taking this so lightly. Like he didn't even care that Shou has committed this adulteration. Shouldn't Saga be upset? Shouldn't Saga want to hurt him and scream at him? "Why are you being so cool about this?" Shou hiccuped, and tried to dry his face with the back of his hand.

Saga just shrugged. "I know you made a mistake, and you obviously regret it by how you're acting. It's okay, I mean it. We'll be okay." He reached forward and pulled Shou into a hug, which the vocalist was apprehensive to receive and reciprocate. But after a moment of holding back, Shou opened his arms to Saga and hugged him, full and strong, suddenly feeling a sense of peace and relief within his heart.

He no longer wanted to break up with his lover. He felt that what Tora said earlier wasn't even exactly true. He still loved Saga, despite what had happened with Hiroto. Saga was his number one, and always would be, no matter what kind of situation he ended up in with anyone else. And he knew by the way Saga was being so understanding, that he would always feel the same about Shou.

When they finally separated from their hug, Saga's eyes held a sweetness. Wiping away his boyfriend's tears, he realized where he wanted to be all along: home. He decided, forever, to put Tora behind him. Shou was all he needed, and he would be completely fulfilled by the sweet, beautiful man for the rest of his life. There was nothing Shou couldn't give him that he would need from anyone else.

"I love you," Saga whispered, reaching down and grabbing Shou's hand.

Shou hiccuped again, and smiled. "I love you too Babo," he replied. Happily, he leaned in and kissed his boyfriend, so joyful that he had been so understanding. It was a mistake, and it was all over. Now, they had each other again, as they always would. There would be no more mistakes, no more nights with anyone else. It was him and Saga, forever, and Hiroto would be out of his mind for good.

Saga leaned into the kiss hungrily. He'd been so distracted and upset about the events of the past day that he'd completely forgotten how sexually frustrated Tora had left him. Pulling away, leaving Shou breathless, he whispered against kiss-swollen lips, "You better be done with those dishes, because I'm taking you to bed. Now." He grabbed the towel out of Shou's hand and threw it somewhere off to the side, before pulling the vocalist by the hand to the bedroom, to show him exactly how much he loved him.

**

Watching the moon was all Tora could do to keep himself from going insane. In his hands he held papers, but not just any papers. They were letters, from Saga. Some just a few days old. It was when he and the bassist would correspond, in secret, to fulfill his heart's desire. It had felt so clandestine, and almost beautiful, at the time, but now reading the letters just made him want to fall in a hole and die.

He glanced down at the one on top, which was dated last Tuesday. Saga had written this letter to him, telling him how he had smiled all day thinking of the guitarist. How he had missed the feel of the guitarist's mouth and hands. How he wanted to just get away from Shou and see him. The words made Tora's heart ache.

How had Saga even been surprised that he had completely fallen for him, when he had been writing letters like that? Tora should be angry at Saga for misleading him.

But Tora sighed, knowing this was all just a fantasy. Looking back up at the moon through his bedroom window, he threw the letters on the floor, not bothering to put them somewhere a bit more decent.

Standing up to pace some more, he almost jumped when he heard his cell phone ring. He nearly ran to it, all the way across the bedroom, so hopeful that it was Saga.

In disappointment, he noticed, however, that it was Miyavi. Not wanting to but doing so anyway, he flipped the phone open and answered. "Hello?"

"Hey!" Miyavi screamed from the other end. Tora grimaced and moved the phone a few inches from his ear. It sounded like there was a party in the background. "What's up sexy?!"

"God," Tora was about to go deaf. "What is that? Where the hell are you?!" He had to scream back to make sure the strange man could hear him.

"Just at the bar," Miyavi replied. "But it's fucking dead here, so I was wondering..." His voice grew hushed, as he had seemingly gone to a quieter part of the bar to talk more privately. At least he had the decency to do that much. "...You wanna get together tonight?"

"Huh?" Tora really wasn't in the mood.

"You know what I mean," Miyavi replied. "It's been awhile, you and I..."

"You have a boyfriend," Tora said bluntly, trying to show Miyavi how uninterested he was.

Miyavi coughed a little. "What? Oh, yeah, Kai...him..."

"Yeah."

"Yeah," Miyavi seemed to not want to even acknowledge him. "Well, I mean, what he doesn't know won't hurt him, right?"

Tora was sickened. "What? Are you fucking serious?" He wanted to throw the phone out the window.

"Come on!" Miyavi whined. "All he does is fucking bitch and moan! And if I remember correctly, you, my friend, are really fucking good." Miyavi's sick smirk could practically be heard in his voice. "Like, really fucking good." He laughed a little.

Tora shook his head. "I'm not doing this."

"That's not how it used to be," Miyavi countered. "You used to wanna do it all the fucking time. Like, I couldn't keep you off me!"

"Shit's different now," he said simply. "I only want one..."

"Huh?" Miyavi asked. "What the fuck's that supposed to--"

Tora shut the phone, sick of Miyavi's bullshit. He didn't want to just fuck. He wanted something real, something strong, something beautiful...

Like Saga.

**

When both Shou and Saga had had their climax, and Saga pulled out of his lover and laid down next to him, trying to catch his breath, he couldn't help but feel a sense of peace unlike any he'd felt in awhile. He looked at Shou, whose eyes were closed, mouth open, still in the afterglow. Saga's heart felt like bursting; Shou looked so gorgeous, just like that. He'd seen the vocalist with that look millions of times, but it's as if the beauty of it had been lost on him for a long time now. And the impact was finally hitting him again. He'd really missed it.

Shou could sense that Saga was staring at him. He opened his eyes and turned sideways to face his boyfriend, still struggling to catch his breath a bit. He stared back at Saga, not saying a word for a moment. "Why are you so quiet?" Shou whispered.

Saga shrugged and turned to face Shou too. "You just look so lovely, I didn't want to ruin it." Saga spoke with a soft, caring tone that had grown unfamiliar to Shou's ears. He knew, as he was locked in an impenetrable gaze with the man he loved, that he'd looked over something precious. How could he have ever desired another? Shou was everything. He gave everything, never asking for anything in return, and loved Saga just as much as he had from the very beginning. He was absolutely beautiful -- perfect -- inside and out. Saga wanted to slap himself for ever wanting anything else. In front of him, he had everything, as he had all along.

Shou smiled a soft, warm smile. He could feel sleepiness overtake him. "We'll be okay, right?" He asked, not even sure if the question made sense. He would pass out any moment. He just wanted to know before he did.

"Of course." Saga nodded and reached out, pulling Shou into him, letting the vocalist's head rest against his chest and his body curl against his stomach. Saga pulled a blanket over them both and felt a happiness in his heart that he'd been searching for for a long time.

Funny thing is, he thought as he begin to drift into slumber, it had been here all along.

**

Gazing down at the beautiful words he'd written just a day ago, Hiroto couldn't stop the tears as they poured from his eyes and tainted the page. He couldn't believe how stupid he'd been. He couldn't believe he'd actually thought that Shou had finally developed feelings for him. Shou was drunk, and lonely, and Hiroto was naive enough to be caught in the crossfire.

Now he was left with nothing but shame, anger, pain, and sappy words that meant nothing to anyone.

He picked up his phone off the bed next to him and checked it for the zillionth time that day, hoping that Shou had texted him, called him, emailed him...something. But the phone was just as it had been the entire day, with no new message of any kind.

Frustrated, Hiroto threw his cell phone violently against the far wall of his bedroom and fell back onto the bed. He felt the velvet pillows massaging his hands, and he wanted to burn them. He'd never felt so stupid, used, hurt, and rejected all at once. How could he have even thought...? Shou had Saga. Saga, Mr. Sex God. How could he have even thought for a moment that Shou would even look at Hiroto, when he had someone like Saga.

Hiroto turned on his side, tears now staining the velvet. He could still remember every moment of the night before, the unbelievable beauty of it all. When Shou had taken him in his arms...wiped out all doubt in his mind...made love to him.

Hiccuping, Hiroto cursed himself. It hadn't been "making love," it had been using. He used Hiroto. One of his best friends in the world had used him. Hiroto clutched the sheets, knuckles turning white, struggling to hold back the tears, to no avail. They were coming down like a waterfall now. Everything reminded him of Shou, the beautiful man he loved more than any other, who had used him. Like a whore.

He was disgusted at himself. So easy, so willing, so...disgraceful. No wonder he was so quick to just use me.

He shifted and felt his feet hit the sheet of paper with the beautiful words written on it. The words of the song that would become "Velvet." Hiroto's "masterpiece" -- all about the man who had used him. Sitting up, he grabbed the paper, crumpled it, and through it against the wall, hating it.

Hating himself.

-----------------------

Okay, I feel so bad for making people wait like...three weeks.
I've been preparing to start cosmetology school next Monday, and also our house got broken into last week.
Not that these are good excuses, but... (-.-)
Seriously, I apologize a million times.
And anyone who still even wants to read this story...you're amazing. For real.
I promise it will never ever take this long again.
PROMISE!
♥

Lick Me Like a Lollipop // One-Shot {ToraxSaga}

Sun, 08 Jun 2008 12:08:11 GMT

Title: Lick Me Like a Lollipop
Author: Caitlin
Pairing(s): SagaxTora
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
Summary: Sex bets and lollipops are dangerous.
A/N: Second post, first ff post~ =D
This is Saga as SEME (O_O)
Written for kavikalphawolf . Hope it's what you wanted ^.^

It was Saturday night. Club Naked. Somehow, Tora always found himself dragged way out here by Saga, nearly every Saturday night. He wished he could convince the oversexed bassist that just staying in and fucking was just as good -- if not, better -- than going out to a club, dancing until they couldn’t contain their horniness anymore, then going home and fucking. Either way, the end had the same result. But Saga had been restless and needed to blow off steam. So, with a heavy sigh, Tora had given in.

Tora wasn’t really the dancing type, or the clubbing type. He preferred the “behind closed doors” variety of action. But he couldn’t deny that watching Saga on the dance floor was one of the hottest things he could ever hope to lay his eyes on. The boy was a hot piece, no question.

After no more than twenty minutes, Tora left Saga alone on the dance floor in search of the bar. He found it against the far wall, almost hidden, since it was so dark in the club, save for the strobe lights. He nearly ordered one of their sexily-named bar drinks, but opted for a water instead. Public embarrassment was something he always tried his hardest to avoid, and not getting drunk would help.

Sipping the water thoughtfully, he felt hands on his shoulders suddenly. He jumped and turned around, finding himself inches away from his boyfriend’s pretty face. He smiled, relieved. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Saga greeted in reply, walking a few steps to his right so that he was sitting on the barstool next to Tora. He glanced down at the water. “Taking it easy, are we?” He asked, one eyebrow raised.

Tora chuckled a bit, looking down at the water as well. “Well, you seem worked up enough for both of us,” he retorted, a slight bitchy edge to his voice that he liked to use when he felt playful with Saga.

Saga caught onto this tone right away. Leaning in, half-smirking, lips less than an inch from Tora’s ear, he whispered, “I hope you aren’t planning on going easy on me tonight.” His voice was deep and sexy, and it made Tora want to melt into a little puddle on the floor.

Looking over at his lover, Tora caught a distinct “come hither” look in his eyes. It was so delicious; Saga looked more excited than he had seem him in awhile. It made his pulse quicken, just looking into those falsely-colored, deep blue eyes, twinkling. Oh no, he couldn’t go easy on someone like this.

Suddenly, before Tora could respond, he heard the song change to one he actually recognized, and, surprisingly, liked. It was called Lollipop and he had heard it in Hiroto's car just a few days earlier. It was an American rap song, not something Tora would ever usually have any interest in at all, but this particular song had a really sexy sound and vibe to it. It reminded him of Saga for some reason.

Saga noticed Tora’s attention shift from him to the song. His grin grew even wider. “You like this song, don’t you?” He asked. Tora nodded, and he laughed a little. “So strange, Tora. You and your American hip hop.”

“Hey, I only like this song!” Tora objected, struggling to save his pride.

“Sure you do.” Before Tora could defend himself again, Saga stood up off the stool. “I’m going back out there. You gonna sit here all night with your glass of water, thinking about licking…lollipops?” Saga had to laugh at his own perverted joke.

Tora rolled his eyes. “No,” he replied. “But, I am gonna stay here. You can come get me when you’re done and we’ll go.”

Saga crossed his arms, annoyed. “You are so typical. How did you think I knew you’d even be over here? And how did you think I knew that was just water and not vodka or something?” Saga’s expression showed Tora that he could see right through him.

Tora turned away, embarrassed. “I don’t know.”

“Uh huh.” Saga tugged on Tora’s arm, forcing the guitarist to turn around and face him. “I bet you didn’t even want to come at all,” he said when Tora was looking at him once again. He wanted to show him just how irritated he was.

Tora rolled his eyes again. “Oh, wow, you know me so well,” he said sarcastically.

Saga moved closer, until their faces were mere inches apart. “Oh, I do know you,” he continued. “I bet…” he thought for a moment. “I know you so well, that I bet you would never, ever let me top.”

Tora raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “I wouldn’t?”

Saga shook his head, pulling away. “Nope.”

Tora looked around the room for some kind of sign. He could still hear Lollipop blaring, and Saga still looked gorgeous, staring him down like that. He knew the bassist was annoyed with him, and he was playing these games for his benefit. Normally, he just told Saga to stop being annoying, but letting the younger man have his fun once in awhile couldn’t hurt, right?

Clearing his throat, Tora leaned in to Saga so no one else would overhear. “You really wanna make a bet?”

Saga looked a bit surprised at this sudden change in Tora’s attitude, but decided to take the bait. “Yeah. Sure.” He nodded. “I bet you that when we get home, you won’t let me be top.”

Tora grimaced a little. He couldn’t stand the thought of being the submissive one. It was too…demeaning. But Saga seemed to enjoy it. And after all, he was never one to say no to a bet. No matter what.

“Fine,” he said after a moment. “But if I do, and you lose, then we don’t come back here for the next two months, and I pick where we go and what we do every Saturday night.”

Saga looked a bit apprehensive about those terms, but accepted gracefully. “Alright. But you have to let me fuck you completely, 100%, and you can‘t push me off or make me stop in the middle. Okay?” He extended his hand, which was immediately grasped by Tora in a firm shake.

“Okay,” Tora said as he shook. Without even bothering to let go of Saga’s hand, he stood up and quickly led the bassist across the huge room, past millions of sweaty bodies, searching for the exit.

He could hear Saga struggling behind him, trying to let go of his hand. “Ugh! What are you doing? Where are we going?!” He yelled over the song.

“We’re getting out of here,” Tora replied, barely raising his voice. He refused to let go of Saga’s hand, even when he felt him pulling and struggling.

Once they finally got outside, Tora let go of Saga’s hand. The poor bassist was struggling to catch his breath, which proved difficult in the cold night air. “Shit,” he breathed. “I can barely breathe.”

Tora smiled a little as he signaled for a cab. “Trust me,” he replied, “you haven’t felt anything yet.”

Despite Tora’s quiet voice, Saga heard this loud and clear. Before he could think of an equally-sexual comeback, he found himself being shoved in the backseat of the taxi.

Tora gave the address of his apartment to the driver, who turned the radio on just as Tora finished speaking. And to both Tora and Saga’s pleasant surprise, the song that was playing was none other than Lollipop.

“What the…” Tora mumbled, while Saga just laughed.

“It’s like your theme song!” Saga said through little giggles. After a few moments he calmed himself down and looked over at the guitarist. He looked brooding and sexy, and it was all going straight to Saga’s groin so quickly. “You look…”

Tora turned and looked into his eyes. “Hm?” He asked, expectantly.

Saga thought for a moment. “You look ready. Predatory.”

Tora laughed a little. “Well, maybe there’s a reason my name is Tora,” he responded.

The rest of the taxi ride back to Tora’s apartment was almost unbearable. Both men were so aroused, so turned on and so ready. Saga wanted to see what it would be like to be on top for once, and to see if Tora would even let him. The anticipation was destroying him, and the constant staring at each other didn’t help. Neither did the choice of music that the driver chose. After all, Lollipop is a pretty sexy song.

When they finally reached their destination, Tora, who had opted to pay, handed the driver the cash as quickly as he could.

Saga, who couldn’t even wait that long, dashed out of the cab as quickly as he could and ran to the door of the apartment building. “Hurry up!” He yelled, stamping his feet, trying to both warm up and cool off at the same time. He didn’t even know it was possible to be both hot and freezing at once.

Tora climbed out of the taxi awkwardly, his growing hard-on causing him issues. He walked up to where Saga was waiting impatiently at the door, which was locked since it was after 11. Grumbling, he fished his keys from his pants pocket and began thumbing through them.

As Saga watched, patience wearing very thin, he noticed that the little convenience store next to the apartment building was still open. He got an idea, a very good one. “I’ll be right back,” he said hastily as he walked quickly to the store.

Not even noticing that his boyfriend had left, Tora continued to search in the dark through his various keys. Where the hell was the key to the door of the building? He rarely had to use it, as he didn’t often come home this late.

After about thirty seconds, he found it, and unlocked the door. Only then he did notice that Saga wasn’t there. “Saga!” He yelled. He looked around quickly, panic growing a little. But just a few seconds later, the bassist came running out of the convenience store towards him, face flushed.

“Sorry, sorry,” he said, breath short. “I just had to get something.”

“Okay,” Tora replied nonchalantly. Although he had really worried for a second, he never tried to let that kind of thing surface. Saga knew it had been there, though, and that’s all that mattered.

As quickly as they could, the two ran up the stairs to the third floor, and down the hallway to the Tora’s apartment at the end. This time, the guitarist had gotten the key to the door out right away, so they didn’t have to fuck around trying to find it.

As soon as the door was safely locked behind them, Saga attacked Tora, mouth unbound. It took all of half a second for Tora to realize what exactly was going on before he began kissing Saga back, suddenly much more turned on than he’d been all night.

For a few moments, they stood there in Tora’s living room, unable to stop. Finally, though, Saga remembered their bet, and what he wanted, and he detached himself from Tora, who objected with a slight whine.

“I want you to…” Saga looked into Tora’s lust-filled eyes. He’d never ordered his boyfriend to do something before, and the power was kind of hot. “I want you to go in your bedroom…and take off all your clothes.” His voice was barely above a whisper, but he was serious.

Tora was about to object. He knew that it was unlike Saga to be the dominating, bossy one. But he didn’t want to take the fun away from him. So, reluctantly, he dragged his feet to his bedroom and took off his clothes as his boyfriend had instructed.

Still standing in the living room, Saga felt amazing. He was so surprised that Tora actually obeyed him, without a word. He smiled wide; tonight would be fun.

Walking into Tora’s room, he found the guitarist sitting on the edge of the bed, completely naked, with the most beautiful look on his face -- a mixture of anticipation, shame, and lust. Saga could have gotten off just looking at the sight. But that wasn't what he had in mind.

It was almost too much. Like when a kid wakes up on Christmas morning and he has ten times as many presents as he'd anticipated. He cherished the feeling of power -- a completely new feeling to him.

"Well?" Tora broke the silence after a few moments. "Are you just gonna stare at me like a pervert all night?"

Saga chuckled. "No, I am not. We have a bet to see to." He went over to the bed and sat down on it, behind Tora. When the curious guitarist tried to turn around to see what he was doing, he grabbed his shoulders to keep him still."No," he commanded, "not yet." Softening his voice, he said, "Close your eyes."

Tora sighed, not liking all these orders he was taking. Reluctantly, his cat-like eyes fluttered shut, his shoulders slumping a bit in defeat.

The sight made Saga grin. Poor Tora. Now he knows exactly how it feels.

Quietly, Saga reached into his pocket and pulled out something small and unwrapped it slowly, trying his best to prevent the sound from reaching Tora's sensitive ears.

"What are you doing?" The guitarist asked the instant he heard the slightest noise.

"Nothing," Saga responded quickly. When he was through a moment later, he tossed the wrapper on the floor. "Open your mouth," he said. Carefully, he reached around Tora from behind and place what he'd just removed from his pocket and unwrapped in Tora's mouth.

The dark-haired man was visibly startled by the sudden intrusion in his mouth. He swirled his tongue around it, sucking it, figuring it out. Not that he didn't know what it was almost immediately.

After a few shallow sucks, Saga pulled it from his mouth. "Lollipop?" Tora asked, confused.

"I know it's your favorite," Saga breathed, nuzzling the soft skin of Tora's neck. He ran the fingernails of his left hand up up and down the guitarist's arm, making him shiver.

Trying as hard as he could to ignore the fingernails, Tora laughed it all off. "It's strawberry -- that actually is my favorite."

"Mmhm," Saga said, now shower Tora's neck and shoulder with wet kisses. "Strawberry...is an aphrodisiac. I hear."

Tora nodded. "That's why it's my favorite," he whispered. He was getting frustrated; he couldn't stand being unable to touch freely and be in control. He turned around, feeling Saga shift behind him. Facing the bassist, he found the lollipop in his mouth now. He was pouting, only the white stick visible, and he looked like an adorable child.

"That's mine," Tora protested. "I was really looking forward to having it."

Saga smiled, pulling the lollipop from his mouth. "You'll get something else, don't worry," he reassured, reaching up and brushing a few strands of dark hair out of Tora's face. Putting the lollipop back in his mouth, he said with a muffled voice, "go over there--" he cocked his head to the right, motioning to the untouched part of the bed "--and lie on your back."

Sighing, Tora obliged, scooting himself to the other side of the big bed. What a pain in the ass it was to be bossed around. Now he knew why he was never the one to put himself through this shit, and always made Saga do it.

When Saga made sure Tora had obeyed him, he stood up off the bed and undressed quickly. It was dark in the room, with the only lights shining in from the city and the bright moon, so Tora had no chance of catching a glimpse. Which was unfortunate.

After all of Saga's clothes had been removed, he climbed on the bed and crawled across it until he was sitting right next to Tora's head. Lollipop still in his mouth, he smiled down at his pretty lover. "You want this?" He asked, removing the candy from his mouth and pointing at it with his other hand.

Tora laughed a little. "You know me," he replied calmly.

"I do know you," Saga whispered. He paused for a moment to feel his own heartbeat, the continued. "Close your eyes."

Tora groaned in protest. "Again?" He whined.

Saga nodded. "Yes. Do as I say, or you get nothing. And we're going back to the club next week, and the week after that, and the week after that, and the--"

"Okay!" Tora interrupted, shutting his eyes quickly.

Saga felt the familiar feeling of power again as he watched his boyfriend do exactly as he said. Placing the lollipop in his own mouth, he repositioned himself so that he was now straddling Tora's broad shoulders, erection just an inch or two from his mouth. "Open up," he breathed, voice harsh.

Tora opened his mouth unhesitantly, and the moment Saga saw it open far enough, he shoved himself in, taking the poor guitarist completely by surprise. A gasp escaped his lips, but it was smothered by Saga's cock, and simply resulted in sending tremors of pleasure through his body.

"Shh," Saga hushed. He reached down and ran his fingers through Tora's silky hair, trying to calm him. As soon as Tora had calmed down from the surprise, he began working his cock in slowly, doing all he can not to choke him or go too quickly.

To Saga's surprise, he heard (and felt) Tora moan around his cock, and then felt his tongue swipe across the head and tease the slit. It felt so incredibly good, Saga groaned loudly, low in his throat. It had been a long time since Tora had put his mouth on him there, and it was a feeling he'd greatly missed.

"Oh fuck yes..." Saga breathed. He began rocking his hips downward until he was all the way in, Tora deepthroating him willingly. A steady in-and-out rhythm was created as he fucked the guitarist's mouth, feeling his tongue, lips, and even his teeth pleasing him. From what he could recall, he'd never felt something so warm and wet around him before, and it was threatening to push him over the edge. His whole skin was tingling with unbelievable pleasure.

He quickened his pace, now fucking Tora's mouth quicker and harder. Not so hard as to cause him any problems, but hard enough to make him very short of breath. Still, Saga heard Tora making delightful sounds of pleasure every time the head of his cock hit the back of his throat, and he loved it.

Saga moaned as he watched Tora's face, sucking hard as he can just to please him. It made his cock throb within his mouth. "You've gotta like this more than candy," he whispered.

Wordlessly (since he couldn't exactly speak), Tora nodded. His eyes were fluttering open and closed, as if they couldn't choose what they wanted at the moment. If they were open, it was humiliating to have Saga looking down on him. If they were closed, he might miss something. It was a conundrum.

Saga reached down, wrapping the fingers of his other hand in Tora's hair, gently pulling his head up as he crushed his hips down, making him go deeper inside the guitarist's mouth than he had yet. "Shit...so...so..." Forming coherent sentences was impossible at this point, he was so far gone.

Willingly, Tora sucked hard, loving the taste of the cock that he'd almost forgotten. Something inside him shifted; suddenly, he wanted to please his lover. He wanted to hear him make beautiful noises and see his face get all screwed up in ecstasy because of his ministrations. In some way, pleasing gave him a power all his own. He really enjoyed it.

Now Saga was fucking Tora's mouth by both shoving his hips down and pulling Tora's head up, causing an incredible collision that was seriously about to make him lose it. Arms shaking, Saga relented; he didn't want to come yet. That would ruin everything. Slowly, almost painfully, he released his hold on Tora's head and let it lay back down on the pillow beneath it as he pulled himself out of that sinfully pleasurable mouth.

Saga leaned down, removing the lollipop that had been in his mouth the entire time, and kissed a breathless Tora. The kiss was a strange taste of strawberry mixed with raw sex. It was probably the best taste in the world.

To Tora's dismay, Saga didn't let the kiss get carried away. Pulling away after only a few seconds, he sat up and maneuvered himself off of the guitarist, sitting next to him on the bed.

Tora watched Saga expectantly, anticipating something. Slowly, the bassist brought the now half-sucked lollipop to Tora's barely-open lips.

"Now you can have it," he said sweetly. Tora opened his mouth immediately and sucked the candy into his mouth greedily. It tasted so much like Saga, it made his already-aching cock throb harder, and he didn't even know why. Saga just did these things to him.

For a moment Saga watched the guitarist licking the lollipop like a child. "Which do you like to have in your mouth more?" He inquired quietly.

Tora removed the lollipop from his mouth so he could speak clearly. Looking up into Saga's eyes confidently, he replied, "Oh, I think you know."

Saga giggled a little. Suddenly feeling energetic and ready, he bounced off the bed and reached for the lube on the dresser, where he knew Tora always kept it. It felt weird to hold it in his hand; he was basically never the one to use it. But now, tonight, it was his turn.

Climbing back on the bed, Saga now positioned himself between Tora's legs, pushing them aside a bit more so he could fit better. He uncapped the lube with a shaking hand, squirted a bit into his palm, and was just about to lather up his cock when he heard an objection.

"Hey!" Tora yelled. "You can't just..."

Saga paused. "...What?" He asked.

Tora rolled his eyes. "You can't just fuck someone without...you know..." he seemed to be having trouble finishing his sentence. "You can't just do it without...preparation."

A lightbulb went off in Saga's head. "Oh yeah," he said. Instead of rubbing the lube on his erection, he instead spread it over his fingers. This really wasn't something he was used to, so the standard procedure was still unknown to him.

He hesitantly brought his index finger to Tora's entrance and pushed in just the slightest bit. It all felt so experimental, like a 12-year-old boy learning how his body works. Saga could feel Tora shift and struggle to keep silent as he pushed his finger in deeper.

"Fuck..." Tora moaned, unable to keep quiet. He writhed a bit, finding it impossible to keep still. He'd always been so impatient when Saga couldn't keep still, but now he understood why that was so hard. He no longer blamed the bassist.

Smiling, Saga pushed his middle finger in, feeling proud to be doing something so filthy and pleasing to his lover. He began fucking Tora with his fingers, in-and-out, loving how slick the lube made the action. He twisted, scissored, curled -- everything he loved when Tora did this to him.

Now, Tora was grasping at the sheets, knuckles turning white, desperate. "Please..." he whimpered. "Please...just..."

Saga's grin grew wider. "Please...what?" He asked, feigning innocence.

Tora grunted, frustrated. "Just...fuck me already! Please..." He was now shoving his hips downward, trying to increase the friction desperately.

Triumphant, Saga pulled his fingers out of Tora. "Never in my life," he sighed, "have I ever heard you say that." He grabbed the lube and squirted more out, this time coating his dick with the slippery substance. A very new experience to him. He reveled in it.

Meanwhile, Tora was a bundle of nerves. On one hand, he was so turned on, so hot and bothered and dying to be fucked. Then, on the other hand, he was disgusted at himself for ending up in this situation. He was never on bottom, never subject to this kind of humiliation. But then again, there was something special in knowing that someone else was doing all the work just to please him...

Tora was abruptly shaken from his thoughts when he felt the tip of Saga's cock pressuring his entrance. His breath was caught -- because he was worried for the possibility of pain, but mostly because he was actually anticipating being fucked. He'd been so against it and weary of it at first, but he found that it was actually pretty damn enjoyable. Not to mention, Saga seemed to know what he was doing.

It was a strange sensation when Tora suddenly felt himself being spread and filled. It wasn't that he'd never been fucked before, but it had been a long time, and the feeling had left him long ago. But now, feeling it again, it seemed totally new. Because he was with Saga.

Saga was in absolute Heaven. He couldn't even remember the last time he was the one in this position, and damn did he miss it. He knew he should be going slower, since Tora wasn't accustomed to it, but going slow was nearly impossible.

"Ngh...harder..." Tora moaned beneath him. Saga was caught off guard; he didn't expect Tora to actually be asking for more so soon. But he couldn't say no. Aggressively, the bassist began to plow into the guitarist, feeling pleasure and heat engulf him completely. Now he understood why Tora loved this so much. It was something he would definitely want again (though he doubted that his headstrong lover would agree to it).

Saga bit his lip as his thrusts became harder, gradually forming a rhythm that only got quicker and deeper, loving how open and willing Tora was to it all. "Like this?" Saga breathed.

Tora nodded and looked up into Saga's powerful eyes. Watching his gorgeous boyfriend fucking him for once was such an arousing sight. Almost too much. He felt a tug in his stomach as he reached up and pulled Saga down into him, kissing him deeply.

A few seconds later, as Tora let go of the kiss, Saga pulled back a bit, positioning his hands on either side of his lover's shoulders and held himself up with his strong arms. He could already feel his orgasm approaching quickly, as it had been far too long since he'd last been in this position. He felt Tora's every movement when he was inside him like this, and it felt so amazing, it was his favorite place in the world. He let out a deep groan he could no longer contain and traced his fingers along Tora's stomach, offering the gentle sensation of caress.

Suddenly, Tora cried out as Saga's cock brushed deeper, hitting his prostate dead on. It was the first time he had felt it tonight, and it had completely surprised him. All the discomfort that had been there before was gone, and was replaced by total pleasure; he was seeing stars. He reached up, moaning and pulled Saga back down onto him, their chests and stomachs rubbing together.

"Ohh...ohmyGod..." Tora whimpered. Usually he was the quiet one, but Saga really knew how to work the dom position, and it was turning him on. "Shit...that's so good..." He felt Saga lick his neck teasingly and he couldn't help but shiver.

Pulling back off of his boyfriend, Saga had to struggle to keep his climax at bay. It wasn't like he didn't want to come, he just didn't want to yet. This was an amazing experience that he wanted to treasure it while he had it for once. And although he kept half-expecting Tora to surrender and make Saga stop, he also knew he wanted to keep going despite that slight anxiety. The pleasure was far too much to deny.

"Ohhh! Oh yes...just like that..." Tora purred out, still finding difficulty in keeping himself quiet. He grabbed at Saga's back and dug his nails in and thrust his hips up, wanting more, more, more. He was so close to his release and he would go completely insane if he didn't reach it soon.

Saga felt Tora's urgency. He sat up a bit higher and reached down, tugging on Tora's slippery, red cock. It was throbbing hard and very close. He pumped it up and down quickly, but not sloppily, as he rammed into Tora harder and harder. He was just as close, if not closer, and he wanted to come just as much.

Watching Tora struggle in ecstasy, clutching at the bed sheets and screaming and crying made Saga go nuts. He continued pumping at Tora's cock until he could no longer, and doubled over, his hands catching him. His breath caught in his throat as he exploded into an orgasm, releasing his seed deep inside Tora. It was amazing, mind-blowing, and over way too quickly.

Tora felt Saga's orgasm, the pulsation of his cock as it expanded and contracted as he came inside him, and it hit his prostate again and again, making him writhe and scream. He felt Saga relax, then grab at his cock again and jerk him off harder than before. Tora thrust his hips up, determined not to make Saga wait. And he didn't; he cried out and reached his orgasm within ten seconds of the other man touching him, getting his sticky come all over Saga's stomach, causing his face to flush a bright red when he was done.

Disappointed that it was all over, Saga pulled out of Tora and laid down next to him gently. His whole body was so sensitive, so he didn't want to move more than he absolutely had to. Noticing Tora's release on his fingers, he licked his hand clean. He knew the taste all too well, but it still made his heart skip.

"Whoa..." Tora groaned. The lollipop, shockingly, was still in his mouth. He hadn't choked on it or let it fall out or anything.

Saga couldn't help but laugh when he noticed this. "You really do like lollipops," he said.

Tora turned to him and smiled, removing the lollipop. "Never said I didn't," he replied. He let out a small sigh and rubbed Saga's arm, noticing what he'd gotten on his stomach. "Oh shit, sorry about that..."

Saga shook his head, grinning in post-orgasmic contentment. "Don't worry about it," he assured. He thought for a moment, brain barely working. "I'm not gonna lie...I really liked that..."

Tora nodded. "Of course, being in that position is the best." Pausing, he couldn't believe what he was about to say. "But, truthfully...being down here was pretty sweet too..."

Startled by this confession, Saga sat up on his elbow and turned to his boyfriend. "Really? You actually liked it?" He was so shocked. Maybe he could find a way to make this situation a bit more typical in their relationship.

"Yeah," Tora responded. "I actually think...we could do it again. In the future. Sometime." He was still ashamed at himself for actually liking being fucked, but he just wanted to be honest.

Saga smiled and sat up. "Okay! Yeah, yeah...that would be...fun..." Oh yes, they would definitely have to do this again. As strange as it felt, it still seemed right, in its own way, to do it like that.

Tora sat up too, sitting cross-legged across from Saga. "Yeah, okay, that's fine and all, but..." He had a very serious look on his face that was threatened by a smile trying to emerge. "...I held up my end of the bargain. No more club, for awhile at least."

Saga pouted. "Fine..." he whined. Reaching forward suddenly, he grabbed the lollipop from Tora's hand and popped it in his mouth. "But I get the rest of this!"

Crossing his arms, Tora just smiled. "That's fine with me," he replied. "I like your flavor a lot more anyway."

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I can't believe I got inspiration from the song "Lollipop" for this. But hey, I think it's a good song =)
& I need to write more Velvet...I'm just having a block -.- *failure*